I decided zero tolerance. did I overreact?

[Madison_1990]

My boyfriend had a drinking problem before we met, I'm talking mip, $5000 dwi, alcholics meetings and taking breathalyizers twice a day for 90 days and being on probation for four years! we'd been togther for awhile before i saw him drink and when I realized what a problem it was I told him I wasnt going to stay if he continued to drink like that. well I failed at keeping my word and forgave him each time he slipped up. the last slip up he had was 5 months ago and I swore to myself it was the last one allowed. I told him no more drinking period and no going to bars at night since your probation forbids it and if he did go out somewhere with his friends who drink heavily he has to promise to end the night by soberly driving himself to stay with me at my house.. that was my deal if he wanted me to stay and he took it and has been happily following it.

well today he learned his friend was moving away and he wanted to go hang out with him which is 100% ok he should see him, I know that but then i was told that they might be going to a bar and he said he wasnt driving back to my house afterwards b.c his house is closer so i offered to stay at his house and he said if his roomates ended up having a party for their friend he didnt want me there. he told me to trust him he wasnt going to drink at the bar and he'd only have 2 at his house, but at this point I had stopped listening, We made agreements to insure he doesnt have a drinking slip up and he's breaking those agreements, whether he goes out tonight and behaves 100% or not doesnt matter becuase we made a deal 5 months ago and I said it was the last time!! so I broke up with him and sent him on his way.


Am i wrong? I do love him I've just had my fill of fighting over booze. The incredibly hard part is that we had just had what was probably our best most loving day together right before this fight.

[pisces25]

You have posted many times about many things re this relationship. The last one was 'I love him but I don't know if he is the one anymore'. Do you think perhaps these postings are a sign that maybe he isn't?

[dem862]

You absolutely did the right thing. Your boyfriend is an alcoholic. If he thinks he can have two drinks and stop, he is in serious denial. He is planning to get rip-roaring drunk and doesn't want you to know. If you didn't break up over this, he would know he could do whatever he wants, whenever he wants, and your agreements meant nothing. Sadly, his drinking is more important to him than you are. Sorry for your loss. Good luck to you.

[Madison_1990]

I actually think he wouldnt have gotten drunk tonight but the fact is he messed up a lot and let me down a lot in the past so i've decided no more! zero tolerance.

[smackie9]

Drunks are chronic liars because they are always in denial that they have a problem....just like any addiction, they will will lie so they can continue there addiction. He is not ready to quit yet obviously....hopefully someday he will before it kills him. His problem is not yours so you made the right decision to leave.

[Amber2011]

Oh dear. He is an alcoholic and that will never change. Eventually, unless you get out of this destructive relationship he will destroy not only himself but you. Be strong and don't go back. All alcoholics do is make promises that get broken time and time again. I know. My father was an alcoholic. It destroyed my parent's marriage and killed my father at the age of 63.

Forget this drunk. You can do much better than him and you deserve better.

[smiley_]

You did the right thing. Addictions are hard to overcome. You have to stand your ground and prove you will not support his alcoholism.

[Boisdevie]

Alcoholics only give up when they want to. I've been drinking way too much and yesterday had had enough. I asked for help from two good friends. I told my perhaps ex GF (she has every right to tell me to get lost). I told my mother. I"ve cried a lot but I need help and now I"ve asked for it.

[Amber2011]

Alcoholics only give up when they want to. I've been drinking way too much and yesterday had had enough. I asked for help from two good friends. I told my perhaps ex GF (she has every right to tell me to get lost). I told my mother. I"ve cried a lot but I need help and now I"ve asked for it.

Good for you. It will be hard but you CAN do it. I wish you well and will hold you in my thoughts. PLEASE don't let drink ruin your life.

[bulrush]

With alcoholics and drug addicts, you MUST have a zero tolerance policy. Only 10% that go through rehab actually stay off booze/drugs. The repeat rate is 90%. That means you have to be really tough on him, and say "Enough is enough. GTFO." Don't let him take you down with him.

[IndiReloaded]

No, you didn't overreact. Now leave him alone and let him get on with it.