Finding love letters from his ex

[UniquelyMe1994]

I have been dating a guy for almost a year and a half. He used to text and call and say the sweetest things to me all the time. But out of nowhere, things changed. About 5 months later, I was at his house cleaning up and I found a letter from his so called ex. I knew about this girl from a previous conversation when he told me that she was a good friend of his back in college and she was dating a guy, got caught up and was sent to jail. In this letter, she confessed how much love she had for him and how she couldn't wait to see him when she got out of jail. I confronted him about the letter that night, and he told me that she knew about me and he was just telling her sweet things because he felt sorry for her. Of course, I let it go because I loved him.

About a couple months later, I found another letter. Again, they were confessing their love for each other. She was thanking him for sending her pictures and thanking him for spending time with her mom. This time, I didn't confront him about it. I thought to myself, well he is still pursuing a relationship with me, he doesn't want her.



Now, a couple of days ago, I was at his house using the bathroom, and a valentines day card was sitting on top of the sink. It was from the same girl. She said she is so in love with him and was thanking him for everything he does for her. I confronted him about it, and he says he doesn't care about it and he took it out of the bathroom, but he didn't throw it away.

I'm upset, and he doesn't seen to care. He says I'm overreacting and I'm mad for nothing. Am I overreacting, or is this man just taking advantage of me??

[Gladimeir15]

It is normal for you to get jealous for he is not telling you the truth. If I were you, let him choose whether you or his ex. If he will not choose then it simply means that he is still in love for that girl and waiting for the right time to be with her and you are just a replacement while the true love is away...

[megvoh]

He's lying to you and my bet is she knows nothing about you, if any of the letters has a address on it, mail her yourself and tell her about you and his relationship but be prepared for her to tell him you mailed and all hell to break loose but then you'll find out who he really loves and if not you, you get closure and can move on.

[TheEvilJester]

I like that brass tacks approach, megvoh. I am not sure if I necessarily agree that this would be the best course of action.... but I do like it. :-)

Honestly, I think more so just sitting down to have a more serious conversation may be in order. For now, you've sort of just caught him in the moment and stated your disapproval. You may need to just sit him down and basically just ask "Look, you told me you and her are over, and I do want to trust you. All the same, I keep seeing your letters with her and that makes me think the opposite. You need to just be straight with me. Are you still in love with her? Do you plan to reconnect with her when she gets out? If you are, that is fine, but I deserve to know."

Something along those lines. Obviously, put that in your own words. Just speak with a level head and, as best you can, do not allow it to escalate into an argument. At least, not from your side of the conversation.

To be honest, I'm not even really sure I feel like he deserves such a calm, collected response from you at this point. He's been very dismissive about it already. Rather than just talking to you about it, he tries to just brush it off and say he doesn't care about her, but then his actions don't show that. All the same, though, maybe he is being honest and has his explanations for why he still continues to write her anyway. He's not volunteering the information, so maybe just ask him to explain.

It is possible that he does have valid reasons that will make you feel confident he is being honest. It is possible he has every intention of remaining loyal to you and only you. I do agree with the others that my personal opinion is he probably IS being dishonest with you, but that doesn't necessarily mean he definitely is. We could be wrong, you could be wrong. You won't know unless you talk to him about it.

Good luck to you. I hope it goes well, but if it doesn't, just know that there IS somebody out there for you. If it turns out that your special somebody isn't him, it does NOT mean you don't have one.... Just means you haven't found him yet.