Its lust and not love

[sashna]

Heya everyone, heres my problem:
Theres this guy i really like at school (I'm 17 and he's 16). I've liked him on and off for about 2 years, and I know he has liked me in the past too.
We get on, but I don't think I want to date him as such. What I feel is such passion for him. Whenever I'm near him I feel like we've got such sexual tension.
I've noticed him staring at me a lot, and although this isn't much, I know that for him this is a major sign that he likes someone.
It's very odd, because I'm the only one who thinks he's goodlooking. But I can't stop thinking about him. It's like I will always like him, because I liked him for so long.
My dilema is it, is it a slutty thing that I just want to sleep with him? Plus if I ever got the chance do you think I should - I have never had sex before, and I don't think he has either.
What do you think?

[shh!]

I think it is much too soon to even think about sex seriously, since you aren't even dating him.

[Tone]

No way, save your virginity for someone who deserves it, someone who genuinely cares about you. Your virginity is special, it shouldn't just go out to some random guy who you think is hot.

[Late_vamp]

Heya everyone, heres my problem:
Theres this guy i really like at school (I'm 17 and he's 16). I've liked him on and off for about 2 years, and I know he has liked me in the past too.
We get on, but I don't think I want to date him as such. What I feel is such passion for him. Whenever I'm near him I feel like we've got such sexual tension.
I've noticed him staring at me a lot, and although this isn't much, I know that for him this is a major sign that he likes someone.
It's very odd, because I'm the only one who thinks he's goodlooking. But I can't stop thinking about him. It's like I will always like him, because I liked him for so long.
My dilema is it, is it a slutty thing that I just want to sleep with him? Plus if I ever got the chance do you think I should - I have never had sex before, and I don't think he has either.
What do you think?

altho if i were that guy and you did that , i would love it . but seriously ... your a virgin and your planning on just losing it so easely without any meaningfull reason .

at least if you really want to do this , date him for a couple of months before ,im sure your sense are going to come back .

[independent]

I'm curious why you dont just date him?

[Lloyd95]

is it a slutty thing that I just want to sleep with him?

In a word.....Yes.

[Sami09]

hello i think you should get to know him and see what happens. Just dont do it till its mean something. Its up to you in the end.

Heya everyone, heres my problem:
Theres this guy i really like at school (I'm 17 and he's 16). I've liked him on and off for about 2 years, and I know he has liked me in the past too.
We get on, but I don't think I want to date him as such. What I feel is such passion for him. Whenever I'm near him I feel like we've got such sexual tension.
I've noticed him staring at me a lot, and although this isn't much, I know that for him this is a major sign that he likes someone.
It's very odd, because I'm the only one who thinks he's goodlooking. But I can't stop thinking about him. It's like I will always like him, because I liked him for so long.
My dilema is it, is it a slutty thing that I just want to sleep with him? Plus if I ever got the chance do you think I should - I have never had sex before, and I don't think he has either.
What do you think?

[sashna]

I don't feel that urge to date him. I don't think we'd be a very sucessful couple if you know what i mean. The attraction is all physical, not emotional.
The problem is that because I have fancied him for such a long time, I find it virtually impossible to fancy anyone else (last year for example I was so close to dating this other guy because we were so perfect to be together, but it didn't happen, because I realised I didn't truely fancy him, and I still had feelings for thsi first guy and I thought it would be unfair to date him while I still had these feelings.)
I just thought if I had the chance to have one night with him, I could get over him, and go on with my life, and be able to like other people for the first time in years!

[Tone]

No.

Then you'd probably just get more attached.

[Rosebud]

UGH NO, bad idea. If you sleep with him you could get more attached..not to mention it's not a good idea to just sleep with someone to try and get over them. I don't think it's completely physical or you would be able to date other people. losing your Virginity should not be used to get over someone, it should be with someone you care about. If your interested in him then talk to him!

[Tone]

J
I
N
X

!

[Rosebud]

LOL, great minds think alike!!!!

[whaywardj]

No, Shashna, I don't think it's slutty of you to just want to sleep with the guy. In fact, I think you're being very clear-headed about it and wish women, in general, would be just as straight-forward with themselves about their lustful impulses as you seem to be, rather than try to sugar-coat them for the sake of propriety with one rationalization or another...worst of all "love."

Though I don't think it slutty of you, and you may not, consider what both your circle of peers might think. People talk and young boys tend to brag. Do as your lust compels and you might find yourself having to defend against allegations you may rather prefer not to. I doubt very much any in your or his immediate circle of acquaintances will be able to come to grips with the mature acceptance of yourself you seem in possession of, and will only be able to deal with it in derisive terms.

Moreover, there are his feelings to consider. Most men -- especially young men -- have great difficulty accepting the idea a woman is just as capable as they are of having casual sex. By and large, we guys tend to think that just because a woman has sex with us that, somehow, means she has some kind of attachment to us....or we have some kind say-so over her. Never occurs to us she just wanted to get laid. One time. By THAT particular guy. Merely because it seemed she might enjoy it.

If you feel capable you can deal with the possible outcomes of other's lack of understanding or narrow-mindedness, go for it. Just be prepared for the possibility you might have to prise him out of your life with a crowbar once you do. You may be able to handle casual sex. Do you know if he can?

[Only-virgins]

This thread confuses the hell out of me. Do you like him or not? If so then date, have sex, and what ever. If not then why start a thread about him?. What is this.."we wont make a good couple" crap? I never got that. If you like the same music all of a sudden you are destined to be together? what a load of horse shiet. People need to pop this huge culture bubble they are stuck in.

I choose

Biology > culture

Infatuation > love

[sashna]

Thank you whaywardj.
Your advice has made me feel so much better bout myself!! Its helped me realise that i'm normal. Your advice was so useful!! Love you!!
Thank you everyone else as well. I'v taken your advice, and at this moment in time I think you're right. Virginity isn't something to take lightly, and I agree it shouldn't be used to get over someone.
I don't know how I'm going to get over him, but thanks to you guys I think you've helped me make a huge mistake.
Love you all!!!
xxxxxxxxx