Help! Best Friend Making Mistake??

[kelsfromindy]

Okay, I'll try and make this short and 'sweet', but if you have any questions just let me know.

Okay, I have known my best friend forever and she tells me everything. Absolutely everything. So she has just turned 21, has a 4 year old son, and is once divorced. She has been dating a new guy for about a year, and they just got engaged.

She ALSO has another 'best friend' who happens to be male and lives about an hour away. Ok? So this is where it gets sticky. She used to be madly in love with this 'best friend' and he just kind of never acted on it I guess is the best to put it. She told him how she felt and she believes that this guy is the first guy she has ever actually loved. He eventually came around and said he wanted to try things out with her, and they went on a few dates and had a lot of fun, and then she sort of dropped it. I guess the guy dropped it too. Anyways, there were definitely still feelings between the two, ya know?

So she meets the guy she's engaged to now and continued to talk to her male 'best friend'. She would always tell this 'best friend' how much she loved him and how great he was, and that her new boyfriend couldn't compete with him. She told me no girl would ever steal him away, even though she was in a relationship with another guy. She went to visit him a few months ago and she said they had sex and talked about how much they loved each other and everything.

So then, two months after that she's engaged to this new guy. Uh hello? Right? So the 'best friend' guy calls her and tells her how much he loves her and everything, and she says she doesn't know what she wants to do. I'm trying to figure out how to tell her she is being a complete idiot to put it bluntly. I don't get why she is engaged if she loves someone else and how she is supposed to explain herself to this 'best friend' who all this stuff happened with?

HELP

[gardenofjade]

She needs a baby-daddy.... huh? Who can provide more for the kid?

[Harley]

She obviously is still in love with the best friend so I'm not even sure why she is deciding to get married to this other guy. She needs to stop playing games. She's 21 and has already been divorced which shows she's not exactly the best when it comes to picking men to marry, she probably also rushes into marriages without thinking them through to see if she actually wants them.

She needs to make a decision. Does she love this best friend or her fiancee? She can't have them both, it doesn't work that way in the real world. She needs to choose who it is she actually wants and cares for and say goodbye to the other or else she is just going to cause more problems for herself. It's hard but necessary and it needs to be done sooner rather than later.

[kelsfromindy]

Thanks, Harley, finally someone agrees with me. She told me her 'best friend' wrote her a long letter about how much he cared about her and she really seemed touched by it. But, the other day when I was having lunch with her, he called her and asked if she was still thinking about him. She said she didn't think she could try things out with him. He kept asking her if she still loved him and was just scared, and she wouldn't answer him! Ugh. I love her to death but she is going to end up hurting everyone involved. I told her if she still feels that way, why is she getting married? She said she wants to get married but doesn't, and she's happy with what she has but doesn't know if she would be happier with her 'best friend'. I just don't know how to get through to this girl! I think she is under a lot of pressure to get married. She called me the other night crying hysterically saying she didn't feel wanted or loved by her fiancee and she did NOT want to get married! I guess they kissed and made up and now she's all happy again. I feel like she is just one of those girls who just feels a need to be married. I just don't know how to explain it to her. It seems like she won't listen. I don't want her to end up being the girl who won't cancel her marriage because she is 'in too deep'.

Personally I hope she chooses her 'best friend'. She fell in love with him first and still loves him. And, she tried to push off her wedding until next year, and her fiancee said 'NO'. I told her that's a very controlling thing for him to do, and she shouldn't feel so pressured. I mentioned my opinion to her and she got defensive. I think she loves them both and is just confused.