why cant he f*** me?

[jigggar]

il try to keep this as quick as possible, iv been married for 1 yr but due to my religious and cultural beliefs there is no "dating".. my husband had his eye on me for a while, he got his sister to approach me n see if i was interested (and i was) so we had some supervised meetings to talk and then 2 months later we wer married, 2 mor months he asked me to move in.
That is NOT wat i want ur comments on, i jst had to explain how things began..

The real problem is that we dont hav sex. Never. Ever!!! ='(
he said that after the first week he got married that he wasnt attracted to me (go figure seeing as he wanted me) he gave me 100 reasons from not liking my hair color, not liking my skin color, etc. so i dyed m hair n went solarium but then he says its bcoz of my ass coz its not a great phat ghetto booty (iv got an ass, i used to b a dancer bak in the days - im about 5"4 50kgs , im a small hourglass figure) my ass jst isnt as big as he likes..

anyway over thefirst 6 months he put me thru alot, i wld find him watchin porn or tossing himself instead of coming to me =( and wen i wld say to him why ru doin that wen uv got me? he wld say wtf do u want me to do, cheat on u instead?
omg he broke my heart

after 7 months i cld take it anymor, i left him for a month. and surprise surprise this month we wer apart it was like he had a hard on for me.. everytime we wld meet to work things out ye wld b kissing me touching me, playin wit me - i didnt let him hav sex wit me but he was gettin turned on from it so i figured he changed, so i came back to him

iv been bak 2 months now n yep u guessed it - nothing. i cant touch him coz he doesnt "like" that, and he doesnt wana touch me.. iv got hundreds of dollars of lingerie i wear for him n it doesnt even interest him, sometimes he'll slap me on the ass or he'll grab my pussy but thats it..
iv seen him change, the sex is the only issue. i no he isnt cheating on me for a fact so dnt think that is a reason, but from a guys point of veiw wat does this mean?

i even got in touch with one of his exs (she looks jst like me but a fuller figure, shes mor chunky if that makes sense & she has a bigger ass ) and she said he had no problem in the bedroom so im so fukn depressed wat do i do?

we do love each other and our only problem is the sex. we hav great times togetherr but i go fkn crazy wen i go to him n he turns me down. all his exs cheated on him n fkd him around i wld neva do that to him coz im not a girl like that but why he cant hav sex wit me i dnt no..

i shldnt hav to play wit myself it makes me mor depressed =( wat shld i do pls help im crying as i write this

thanks

[searock]

Have you asked him why he wanted to marry you in the first place, if he wasn't physically attracted to you?

[jigggar]

yes, because he wanted a "good" girl that wld treat him good, not cheat on him, etc. and he got that i duno wtf his problem is

[Mish]

iv seen him change, the sex is the only issue. i no he isnt cheating on me for a fact so dnt think that is a reason, but from a guys point of veiw wat does this mean?

I think it pretty much means that he's not sexually attracted to you. It happens, there are people of opposite sex out there to whom we feel no attraction what so ever (doesn't mean they are bad looking, just they don't appeal to personal tastes.) I think the events of the two of you getting together happened a bit too quickly and you never really had the time to understand this issue until after marriage.

[Mona_B]

Did you sleep together before you got married?

The way this sounds it is nothing you can fix. Can you get the marriage anulled in your country? I am not sure because I was never married, but I think in Germany it is a valid reason if no intercourse is taking place. You should consider that or a divorce.

[Boisdevie]

You let cultural pressures dictate who you would marry and in what circumstances. In more enlightened cultures we get to choose our partners, get to know them and 'gasp' even get to sleep with them to see how compatible we are. Then we might move in together, live together, even get married. To marry someone you hardly know is a pretty stupid thing to do.
I'd divorce him ASAP but I bet your culture doesn't like divorce - just a guess.

[Smirnoff Ron]

Your marriage is not going to work.

[bulrush]

It is impossible for me to not comment on your culture, since your culture is likely the source of your problem. If your culture forces you to marry before dating, you will never know if you have romantic chemistry or sexual chemistry before making a HUGE committment. That is the risk you take when you follow your culture, instead of thinking things out for yourself. I'm sorry for you.

There's a reason why other cultures date for a period before marriage. To determine if their personalities will be good together. There is nothing wrong with people being different, but some personalities should NOT get married and try to have a life together.

That said, there are some things you can try. Different men like different things. What type of lingerie does he like? Ask him and encourage him to be honest, no matter how "kinky" it might be.

The other thing is, how old is he?
Does he have high blood pressure? (Related to erection problems.)
Does he have erection problems?
What type of porn does he like? Maybe try to dress or act like the girls in porn.

I'm just guessing, but you did ask for advice. Maybe you are too sexually conservative for him. The other issue may be "porn burnout" where he has become desensitized to sex with living people, by watching too much porn. The solution is for him to stop watching porn for 4 weeks, and see how attracted he gets to you.

I gave you several questions to answer, and some things to try. Please let us know how they work, or if you can even do them. Thank you.