Met her online

[Humpty Dump]

Roughly six months ago I got a random instant message from a girl in Chicago claiming she didn't know where she got my sn, but she guessed she had seen me in a chat. I had recently started going in AIM chats again, and put a few pics up on my AIM profile, so this story seemed logical (although we had never spoken in said chat). We began talking online daily, and I got her to post some pics on her profile (she only had 1 at the time). She hesitantly obliged, saying that "having my pics online is ick." I checked, and the girl in all 4 pics was the same. After I saw them, she took them down. She doesn't have a Myspace or Facebook, which I consider a red flag. She says she doesn't like having her pics online.

We've had a few conversations on the phone, although she had to use her roomie's phone because hers is broken. I did a check and it's a Valparaiso, IN area code (very near Chicago).

Anyway, although I've never been in this situation, we've hit it off famously and wish to meet. She wants to come out to me (I live in San Francisco) and spend a few days. I figure I've been talking to this girl long enough, seen her pics, and heard her voice, that I can feel comfortable having her visit, especially on my home field. There are, however, a couple red flags that are making me pause.

Her lack of a Myspace or Facebook, for one. The fact she doesn't have a cell phone, for another. What girl doesn't have a Myspace/Facebook or a cell phone? Also, her willingness to hop a flight and go halfway across the country to spend a few days with a guy she's only spoken to online.

I don't know exactly what I'm worried about. Not quite sure what can go wrong. However, something about this situation just doesn't feel right. My question to you all: should I stop being a worry-wart and have her come for a visit, or should I follow my gut instinct and put the kebosh on things now?

[Spring Haze]

Her lack of a Myspace or Facebook, for one. The fact she doesn't have a cell phone, for another. What girl doesn't have a Myspace/Facebook or a cell phone?

Maybe she's not technologically savvy? Maybe she doesn't care for networking? Why is this even an issue?

Also, her willingness to hop a flight and go halfway across the country to spend a few days with a guy she's only spoken to online.

Yet you said this:

I've been talking to this girl long enough, seen her pics, and heard her voice, that I can feel comfortable having her visit, especially on my home field.

My question to you all: should I stop being a worry-wart and have her come for a visit, or should I follow my gut instinct and put the kebosh on things now?

You need to address your contradictory feelings, and decide what you both foresee happening. What if you get along? Is a long distance relationship a possibility? What if things go terribly? How are you going to feel having a woman come all that way only for it to be wasted?

[Humpty Dump]

Maybe she's not technologically savvy? Maybe she doesn't care for networking? Why is this even an issue?

It's just a little sketchy, almost every 19-year-old girl nowadays has a Myspace or Facebook. It almost seems like there's a reason she doesn't have one.

You need to address your contradictory feelings,

I'm comfortable enough to let her come here, but no way would I hop a flight to Chicago for her. At least not yet. I just feel as though she should be more wary than I.

and decide what you both foresee happening. What if you get along? Is a long distance relationship a possibility?

She graduates from beauty school in May, and then where she lives is dependent on where she can find a salon that will hire her. She's considering leaving the midwest, so if she likes it out here she may move out here. So it may not be long-distance.

[CocoChanel]

If she is willing to come and see you... what's the problem? Why won't you let her come and see you? It's her money and time she will be wasting.

[Humpty Dump]

If she is willing to come and see you... what's the problem? Why won't you let her come and see you? It's her money and time she will be wasting.

That's what I'm thinking...but it just seems like a weird situation. So I'm just a little wary.

[CocoChanel]

Yeah I hear ya. Just don't let her get your address. LOL!

[alovehangoverr]

That's what I'm thinking...but it just seems like a weird situation. So I'm just a little wary.

Have you asked her to take any specific pictures for you? Like something with her holding a sign or a specific object? Have you asked her to webcam with you? I feel like her responses to this might be "I don't have a camera/webcam." -- If she can afford a plane ticket and a few days vacation, I'm sure she can afford a webcam under $50. Just throwing that out there.. it might make you more comfortable.

As for the no myspace/facebook/cell phone thing-- I agree that it's superficial and everyone complains about how terrible/annoying/unnecessary they are.. but.. everyone still has them. I'm not saying it's unheard of to not have one, however, if she doesn't she's definitely in the minority. To add to that-- I don't know anyone without a cell phone.

If you do decide to go through with this-- get her set up with a hotel room. Don't invite her back to your place. When you do officially meet, do it somewhere public. If something feels not right to you now.. there's a good chance there's a reason for that.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

I think you are overreacting. Just because you typically know girls to have those things does not mean that all girls do. She already said she doesnt want her pictures online. She is trying to protect herself from online predators or whatever else that is online. Maybe she's even had a bad experience with meeting people online.

Not everyone in the world has a cell phone, why can't you accept that? These are probably the most lame stereotypes I've ever heard.

I think if this girl were to know how you really think of her, she would not like it.

[12many]

Roughly six months ago I got a random instant message from a girl in Chicago claiming she didn't know where she got my sn, but she guessed she had seen me in a chat. I had recently started going in AIM chats again, and put a few pics up on my AIM profile, so this story seemed logical (although we had never spoken in said chat). We began talking online daily, and I got her to post some pics on her profile (she only had 1 at the time). She hesitantly obliged, saying that "having my pics online is ick." I checked, and the girl in all 4 pics was the same. After I saw them, she took them down. She doesn't have a Myspace or Facebook, which I consider a red flag. She says she doesn't like having her pics online.

We've had a few conversations on the phone, although she had to use her roomie's phone because hers is broken. I did a check and it's a Valparaiso, IN area code (very near Chicago).

Anyway, although I've never been in this situation, we've hit it off famously and wish to meet. She wants to come out to me (I live in San Francisco) and spend a few days. I figure I've been talking to this girl long enough, seen her pics, and heard her voice, that I can feel comfortable having her visit, especially on my home field. There are, however, a couple red flags that are making me pause.

Her lack of a Myspace or Facebook, for one. The fact she doesn't have a cell phone, for another. What girl doesn't have a Myspace/Facebook or a cell phone? Also, her willingness to hop a flight and go halfway across the country to spend a few days with a guy she's only spoken to online.

I don't know exactly what I'm worried about. Not quite sure what can go wrong. However, something about this situation just doesn't feel right. My question to you all: should I stop being a worry-wart and have her come for a visit, or should I follow my gut instinct and put the kebosh on things now?

just because she doesnt have facebook or myspace doesnt mean that you should worry about it. i know a lot of people including myself who dont have facebook or myspace. im 20 now and some of them are below my age and some are over a little. i dont have facebook or myspace because im too lazy to check it. i preffer using IMs, they are easier to use. I hate having to leave a comment and waiting to see if anyone left me a comment.

iuno. that's just me. besides, i think im too old for myspace or facebook.

[LoveHurts09]

<- has no cellphone and i'm in a LDR

why do u need 1? use voice chat online, it just seems like she doesnt have a lot of friends to me - which is probably a good thing otherwise it'll be very hard for her to move in the long run.

think urself lucky she can even visit u, i would love to visit my gf but i cant afford it

[jadelil25]

You need to think about how you feel and what you want. Do you feel that you could deal with a long distance relationship?

Just because she does not have facebook or myspace or a mobile phone does not meant that there is anything wrong.

Life is about taking chances and if you really like her and are interested then you should just go for it.

If you dont take the plunge, how will you know. There is a chance that it may not work out but also a chance that things could be great and if you dont give it a go then you will never know and could regret it for the rest of your life.

[mafj99]

After I saw them, she took them down. She doesn't have a Myspace or Facebook, which I consider a red flag. She says she doesn't like having her pics online.

I wouldn't worry about this too much. I know several people who don't have facebook accounts.

My current GF has only just got one and that was just to contact old school friends. She doesn't have many pictures either as she is again uncomfortable with the idea of pictures on the internet.

I met her online as well and we had been going out for a month before I found out she had a MySpace page. Again her reasons were that she wasn't fond of the idea of giving me a complete stranger (at the time) access to something personal like that. Which is a fair point, you can find out a lot about people from their online pages. I wouldn't like somebody I had just met to see my Facebook or MySpace to be completely honest.

At least she is coming to visit you on your turf which is better for you, that must be a huge step for her if she wasn't comfortable with the idea.

S