Well, I have to watch what I'm saying, because it's online and you have to be careful with what you post, especially with that stalking Kiwi idiot still probing my profiles. But the truth of the matter is, that I absolutely hate social services more than ever.

For the longest time, I've had bugger all support. My social worker found me limited support over the past 2 years, but I gave the workers up that he found, because they were either annoying, or could not support me with the things I wanted to pursue. Like the acting related stuff I mentioned before. He didn't want to provide men to go with me to film sets for to do extra work, because he felt he couldn't justify paying for them to sit around while I'm acting in a film, as it has nothing to do with a care package, but he said that to me as far back as 2015. The reason he won't provide women is because of the legal issues I had with former support workers at a company called Autism Initiatives. Also, the staff at Autism Initiatives did not really have an issue with providing support to do stuff like this, but it's only something I thought about more after I lost their help. All they needed was plenty of notice. But obviously, I kissed their asses goodbye after all the betrayal and BS they put me through over these two women who were employees, but how I reacted to losing them resulted in a lot of stress and legal chaos. Their higher-ups didn't even have the decency to tell me these skanks didn't want to support me any more, because other people were compounding crap by saying things about me so they ran a mile. I'd even seen this little blabbermouth hanging around in the staff flat during sleepover hours, and he was not a resident. Either he had been broadcasting crap about me to my then key worker, or I came on too strong and opened my mouth a lot about things that anybody with half a brain knew not to bring up. It was actually a lot of both, but they massively overreacted and now look where I've ended up in life. 2014 just wasn't a great year at all, but neither was a lot of years before then.

Over the past 3 years, having anxiety and a lack of support caused me to miss out on a lot of opportunities to be in many short films and a few feature films as well, and I also had people slandering me on Facebook because I irritated a few people in the past who are involved with this line of work. Besides getting to be in a couple of short films, I was in a zombie feature film in 2016 that isn't even out yet and I was also in an indie feature film about a girl from China. Although the trouble with their method of "blackballing" is that you cannot always determine who began spreading the nasty rumors, so just saying such and such is gossiping about me cannot always be proven, unless they made what they are saying public. And they clearly know not to do that, although I did find stuff on Twitter about me.

I was supposed to have a speaking part in that feature film about the Chinese lady last year. It was directed by a pastor in Edinburgh who has made films with his brother over the years. He is married to a Chinese woman. His sister-in-law was the main character in the film, and my sister and I went to several of the shoots last year. Unfortunately, some scenes we appeared in got cut. There was a scene into the movie early on where I'm supposed to give her directions. He cut that part out, so you only see me walking by briefly wearing a rucksack and she doesn't speak to me at all, because she's sitting down on the grass looking at a map. There was a few other scenes he removed too, but he made out it was because of 'the season not being right' and I began to wonder if people had been saying things to him online. He ducked my questions for ages, but he finally said to me that, thankfully, nobody had contacted him. I'm not sure if that was true, but he would not want to hurt my feelings if that was the case. However, after thinking about it some more, I suspect he may have cut some parts from the film because of my mate committing blasphemy in a web series we were in, that I gave him links to on YouTube. There's a scene in one of the episodes where my mate is acting silly and he holds a plate with Jesus on it. It was intended as humor, but I can see why the other guy would have felt it was disrespectful. That's clearly insulting to religious people. I'm not sure if that's why he cut a lot of my scenes, including my only talking part, but I would not be surprised if that was an influence in his decision, but again, I doubt he will ever say so because I mentioned it and he just talks about subjects in general without properly acknowledging me.

The thing with Facebook in general, is that there's so many two-faced people that could turn on you in an instant. I'm not going to stay silent forever when I feel like I'm getting used, or people start doing things like that. It's hard enough as it is to land roles in films, because you normally have to audition, so it helps if you find a really laid back person who will give you a fair go, just like that. Nobody who gets into acting even wants to be stuck doing extra work forever, but I'll admit that I'm not terribly charismatic. It's sadly true, and so no-one will really give me a chance. Now I'm not saying he's like that, but there's a lot of people out there who spread stories and you don't know who to trust. He actually invited me to see it again recently. My sister and I seen it back in March at a special showing, but my sister has health issues and since I'm inclined to need someone to go with me to social events, I missed it because she did not go. We saw it months ago anyway. We are not in much of it at all, but it is a great film. I doubt it will be distributed on DVD though, because to do that, he would need to find a company that would be willing to do that, and I'm not sure if anything he made got a DVD release.

Now I have my own flat, but no support at all, so I've started playing video games again because I'm honestly no longer a fan of the social side of the Internet. I'm so lonely and fed up, however. For a while, I felt kind of semi-proud that I did what I did, but it is always a short-lived feeling where everything ends up feeling like a waste of energy again, and people on the Internet are often just nasty, and I really hate forums where fanboys hang out. So I feel like I need support to be able to do more activities outside. The place my social worker is at is like 15 minutes up the road, by the way, but they ignored all my previous calls and told me to leave a message; I felt it was pointless. To be honest, I don't trust social workers. They have also messed up my sister's life by taken her kids away. She only gets to see one of her boys, but you just know they're trying to get her contact stopped altogether. Social workers are evil, but obviously, I cannot go into much detail, because that's concerning my sister's personal matters. But know that it has not been easy for her, now with her also having all these health problems that she believes they caused her to have.

I'm also not supposed to make videos about the ex-workers I had and put them on YouTube, but that's kind of going against my rights to Freedom of Speech. So it seems that they can screw me over and wreck my life, so it results in multiple court hearings and harsh outcomes, yet I'm meant to eat a turd sandwich, not speak up and like it. Well, that's just stupid. The court is full of crap. A lot of people know they destroy lives and they have no right to tell me not to talk about how I feel, because I feel as if something minor became something blown out of proportion, because of their bosses' moronic methods and I actually liked a lot of people who worked at that company. It wasn't just Joanna and Sara I lost. But there was no way I could keep going with the agency after what happened, and the cow in charge got me to declare away my tenancy in 2015 after she lied about rent arrears.

But that's just it: Why trust people at a company who regularly lie like they do, and also why trust social services in general when all they do is steal people's children, write up crap about people in reports, cause people to eventually commit suicide and often use your own helpers that they employ, like stool pigeons? At the end of the day, you cannot 100% trust the paid lackeys they assign to help you, because even if they seem nice, they are produced orders to blab about what you say, or do, and they probably mention who you interact with wherever you take them. They'll even give you workers that they think you will gel with, so you can consider them a friend of sorts, but it's all in reality, highly false, because most of them only pretend to be sympathetic. But if they had a choice between doing that or using the time for something else, they wouldn't be around you. If you think otherwise, you may just end up very disappointed. However, it's a catch 22 situation either way, because I feel like I need support, but I think people in their position might as well be snakes.