so confused and so hurt

[sunflwr23]

This is my first real break up. I am just so confused still how someone can love you so much one week where he can't stop saying it and telling me how much he loves me. To not really seeming to miss me and actually now actively avoiding me such as blocking me on aim (and I wasn't iming him much at all-he just said it isnt good for me to know what he's doing) I just don't get how you can be with someone for a year and then suddenly they don't appear to miss me at all.

[Gigabitch]

You don't know what he's feeling, just what he's showing you. For most people, it's much easier to just cut contact if the relationship ends. It doesn't mean he doesn't miss you.

[sunshine22]

I wish I knew what to tell you... I'm going through something similar. I was with my boyfriend for 7 years (planning on getting married and everything). One day he was perfectly fine, talking about our future, saying he loves me, and the next day he's ignoring me. Then he breaks up with me over a text a week later, and has been ignoring me ever since then. There is no explanation for it... Maybe sometimes men wake up and have a realization that they're not ready to be in a committed relationship. Just don't contact him for awhile.. I know it's hard, I'm trying to do that now myself. But he won't be able to miss you if you're constantly talking to him (if you want him back). I don't think he's worthy of your love if one day he just up and leaves, then ignores you. It's not right. You need to stand up for yourself and realize that you deserve someone who will kiss the ground you walk on. Hang in there!

[Yggdrasil]

Be smart, shop S-Mart.. never mind that quote from Army of Darkness.

If you want to help yourself: forget him. He's appearantly not ready for a commited relation. Delete his mails, txt messages, email addy, phone number etc.. then block him on msn etc.

Next thing you do is give yourself time to grieve and learn from this experience. Eventualy the pain will go and you'll be a lot more mature.

Good luck.

[sunflwr23]

This may be a shot in the dark or just me hoping desperately... but does anyone thing he may be avoiding me to make it easier on him. He's admitted to me since the breakup it was really hard on him, thinking of us not being together it hurts so he tries to avoid thinking about, and he didn't want to deal with it anymore to keep reliving it or thinking about it. And he's blocked me on aim, he's never online doing things where I used to see him online, he hardly ever hangs out with our mutual friends anymore. For so long I legit thought he was avoiding me cause I was somehow annoying him or contacting him too much (maybe a couple times a month tops-which he sometimes initiated) but I was wondering. Does anyone think it's possible he might be avoiding me to make it easier for him to get over the break up and move on and not feel bad about it anymore. Or do you think I'm just trying to make myself feel better.

[Gigabitch]

You have to stop thinking like that. Think about you, not him. That's what he's doing.

[Yggdrasil]

Yeah he's doing all the right things to get over you. It's called the no contact rule.

Why don't you do the same thing and move on with your life?

[Lite]

Either he's avoiding you because he already has a new girlfriend to distract him and he doesn't want you interfering, or he fooled around, feels guilty, and you talking to him is a painful reminder that he ****ed up.

[sunflwr23]

Thanks! It's hard I haven't talked to him in over a month. I'm just curious what he's doing and how he'd doing. And he just blocked me one day. It's hard to go from be so concerned about someone when you are dating to just not thinking about them and what they are doing. At least for me it is. I am just so curious cause I know what I am thinking about things-(obviously). I'm hurt, I miss him A LOT, and I want to talk with like normal. But I don't know what he is thinking or feeling at all. And maybe he's just not thinking of me anymore at all. And that would hurt really badly.

I do know that he isn't in a new relationship now.

[Yggdrasil]

I know it sounds crappy right now, but you'll get over it.

Accept that it is over. Acceptance doesn't mean that you'll forget him, but it will make the pain and hurt go away.

Give yourself time to grieve, to feel hurt, to feel angry.

Don't make the mistake jumping into another relation right away, because you'll probably be headed for a rebound if you do that.

Keep your chin high, look at this as a learning experience, and take this time to improve yourself as a person.

Educate yourself on how to spot red flags when dating and be a lot more picky next time.

Wouldn't you agree you are worth it?

[sunflwr23]

I just really want him back. I wish we could fix things. I am tired of hoping he'll contact me. I have been going out and having fun and dating other guys but no one compares to him. I just don't like any of these other guys and I'm not looking for a relationship just someone to hang out with. I've taken up some hobbies, and kept busy, but nothing really distracts me or is helping me get over him. I still think about him all the time and I still talk about him, and after all this I still love him. I just am having a hard time accepting it's over and possibly for good.