Trying not to be controlling...

[effchan08]

Hey,

This is my first post and my first attempt to find advice online through a relationship forum. I will be concise as possible and try to make my questions clear...

Background:
In the past I have been accused of being controlling. This usually causes relationships to end very badly. I am in a new relationship (2 months) and I am working VERY VERY hard on trying communicate my wants/needs without being overbearing and controlling. I feel like I keep my complaining to a minimal and try to express the few complaints I have in a very rational and without a lot of strong emotion. In the past I have been told that I get very upset over some things and I guess I'm looking for advice about how to convey certain isues to my girlfriend without being needy, abusive or controlling.

My Issue:
When my girlfriend goes out with her friends or does something without me she tends to forget to let me know what's up. I realize she is out with friend and i DO NOT expect her to make an ordeal about calling her boyfriend to check in while she is out. I know she is thinking about me and cares about me however, it would be nice to have some sort of contact with her. For instance, tonight she is out with a friend and I knew she would be out later than i would be awake. I get out of work at about midnight every night and I assume she knows I am heading home for bed. A few hours ago i let her know i was getting ready to lay down for the night via text message. She never responded or called.

I guess i just feel like it would be nice to say goodnight or at least touch base with her before the night's end. I don't feel like i need to have a complete description of what she is doing, just a some contact. Is this expecting too much?

I ALWAYs make a point to let her know what I'm up to when I'm out with friends and try to at least say goodnight or something similar, Just touching base.

My problem:

How do I let her know how I feel without coming off as being controlling? OR am i expecting too much? She doesn't need my approval to hang out with her friends. She doesn't need to check in. I just wish she would acknowledge me and make some contact. I don't need updates every twenty minutes from her or something equally insane. I just want to know that she can acknowledge me while she's away.

Is this too much to expect?

[devonbrown]

It is too much to expect from this girlfriend. Obviously, her idea of what constitutes enough contact is different than yours. I would suggest looking for someone else, preferably someone as needy as you. If you are not willing to admit the problem lies with you (trying to change behavior doesnt mean that you know you should), then you just need to find someone as co-dependent to date.