HS Senior Interesting Scenario Need Help (LONG)

[losthere777]

From a week ago (when written)
I really want some serious replies preferably from people who have dealt with a situation similar to this.
There is this girl, Kayla, we are seniors and have been going to school together for 4 years, but never really had classes/never really talked. Our lockers are next to each other but I never noticed how beautiful she was, and is also a "cool" girl. She is pretty quite, more of the sexy/gorgeous type than the "hot" type if you know what I mean.
This year we have 3/8 classes together. Her locker is next to mine and she has started a few conversations. I often catch her glancing at me, while I was doing the same. Problem is there is this kid that she was just friends with forever but now they are dating. How can I tell if she likes me and what can I do? If they waited 4 years to date and/or were on and off will her current relationship likely last?
I haven't really seriously dated in high school, but not many of my friends (jocks not nerds-no offense) haven't either because basically my class is pretty ugly. I get nervous and kinda defensive when she ever talked to me. Last year she said small things to me, nice stuff, in a class a few times but we never really talked. She does not talk to other guys without them starting the conversation, she is pretty shy I guess until you know her a lot better. A few kids try to hit on her and what not (more flirting I guess) but she seems like she doesn't care. We are actually very much alike in our demeanor when it comes to the opposite sex. How do I know if she likes me though? Does her glancing over at me and us making eye contact mean anything if it happens pretty often? (Like a few times a day, yea I keep track). She laughs at everything I say really, agrees with me on other things, etc. This kid she is dating though they get along from what I've seen but her boyfriend basically followed her everywhere and just now are they dating. Again, it may have been off and on, not sure. How can I start talking to her? Should I wait till she breaks up with him?
These past few weeks I have been thinking about her 24/7 but she doen't have the slightest clue, for all I know she may not even like me like that! But if she starts talking to me, it's gotta count for something. For example she was asking me about what I want to do (Pro Poker Player, laugh if you like) after we discussed careers in english class (everyone.) It went like this...

Here locker is HERE Mine is HERE (to her right)

She took a look over like she was going to say something I wasnt looking at her but knew she was gonna say something, like the pansy I am I looked away, but when I looked back she said "So you wanna be a poker player?" I said "Yea, not want though, I am gonna be one." She kinda chuckled and I said "What's wrong with that" (not in a mean way) and she said "Nothing, I just think it's a bit of a stretch." We smiled and I walked away. DOES SOMETHING LIKE THAT MEAN SOMETHING??


I DO get along well and can have a conversation with her, but she starts them, I am not good at starting conversations with any girl that I like in any way more than a friend, I am just uncomfortable in those situations. Like going to Hooters makes me nervous, where I "should" like it. It's not a person specific case where some people I like I can talk to and others I can't. I also haven't dated really so I don't know what to/not to do. I AM NOT trying to steal her, and don't plan on doing anything till they break up (I am fairly sure they have broken up and dated a bunch of times, mainly because he nags her from what I can tell, he is way overprotective and whatnot.)

I will not just let this slip away, I will at some point at the very least ask her out (then I would pretty much have to drop it at least for awhile.) Not now that she has a boyfriend, but when she is single. It will be rough to deal with, but I would be MUCH happier if I had done it and she said no than me worry about it. I don't think she would expect this (asking her out) from me, whether she likes me or not. I haven't dated in high school because I haven't found someone at all like her/wanted to. The really weird thing is that after 3 and a half years I just recently developed a huge "crush" on her, probably because I never had classes and got to know her at all before this year. It's not looks ONLY, but she is extremely gorgeous. She isn't nasty, cocky, rude at all-she is funny and likes to talk to certain people (I have found that she likes to start conversations with me obviously), but is reserved most times, she is the girl who has NEVER had a detention. A few kids really like her and make it obvious to her, but she doesn't lead them on at all, and I can tell she has no/little interest in them. I mean she gives me these looks when I laugh and she is laughing, or when we do talk, I can't describe it really, its too hard to put into words.

Whether it seems like it or not, unless I have known you awhile I am uncomfortable, kind of socially awkward-and I think that is what has held me back from any girl previously (why can't they ask US out? lol). But again, she is so different, I could literally live with her and have nothing to do for the rest of my life and have the greatest feeling and love within me. I only would ever want to get involved with someone if I could see me living my LIFE with them.

For a few weeks or so, since I basically fell in love with her, I have been trying to find ONE girl anywhere that I find as physically attractive as her and has a personality like her. As a matter of fact, no girl matches up to Kayla right now, no one in the world. Even looks wise, no one. I am on here because I need to talk to someone about it. I mentioned it to a few guys at school and the one kid said "she is sexy, id bang her...go for it dude, just ask her out" now I don't think like that and said "She has a boyfriend" and he said "Who cares?" but I don't know how sincere he was with that. The other kid I told said "then just go for it man, just ask her out". Wouldn't you THINK that one of these two (both jocks and not really the always kind to kids type) say that I didn't have a chance or laugh or something? I mean freshman year I was told that about one girl once, but I was chubby, short and immature where as now I am 6' 3", slender/skinny, and much more mature (so i've been told by everyone from teachers to kids).

Now, having read that, what's the opinion? I have had no sign that she doesn't like me and have not been told by others that I didn't have a chance.


THIS WAS TODAY



So today was a breakthrough day in that now I am completely lost. Basically a few girls (the few good looking ones in my class) figured out who they think I like, and though I did not tell them, their last guess was right and they pretty much know it. One girl said that she "Doesnt think she'll break up with him soon."

First question: If she said that and they have been dating for only 3 weeks, is that just a common HS opinion? That any relationship seems as though it will never end?

Then after naming a few other girls and me saying like "Definitely not" they said that it was mean but whatever. More importantly though, they were hinting like "How highly do you put yourself?" Like I am guessing they thought she was too good looking for me? That may have been because of what I said about the "no" girls. They might have insinuated that I couldn't date her, but no one said that I couldn't or anything. They said that if she is always looking at me that she is "Definitely interested" and they asked if I talk to her a lot. I said "No", but explained that she has started conversations between us. They asked how I could like someone if I never talked to them. And they asked if it was "just looks" and I said "No, otherwise I would have liked her for four years" and they said that some people change.

Last period of the day, the one where we can really see each other, we only made eye contact a few times...When we moved around she was angled kind of bad for me to see her but I saw her like, you know, rub her head and look as she pulls her head up and I would look and of course look away then.


So now I feel worse about myself, like I was making things up that weren't there or something. I could post a pic but instead I will give you a broad description: I am 6' 3", slim, and am not deformed. I can't judge myself ya know?


SO MOST IMPORTANTLY:

How much do looks matter to a girl as compared to the person? I mean usually, because everyone is different. This is not a slutty type of girl, she has had a few boyfriends, one I believe was in college, the other kids in my school. I really need to do something to just figure out where I am at. I can't do anything drastic like ask her out since she is dating someone now, but if I never do anything, how will she know that I DO like her? When she looks at me, like across the room, it feels too awkward to "stare" at her, that would be weird. But just smiling would be awkward too. How do I let her know that I like her without going over the top? I understand she has a boyfriend, but I can still somehow let her know that I like her...but how??

[losthere777]

No insight?

[DoesntMatter]

Lol dude that's really too long for most people to read

[Moonchild]

Ohhh, this is going to be interesting. It's not an easy one. XD

I often catch her glancing at me, while I was doing the same.

I glance at people I walk past. I'm not sure you should take this as anything more than, "Hello, you might be interesting."

Problem is there is this kid that she was just friends with forever but now they are dating. How can I tell if she likes me and what can I do? If they waited 4 years to date and/or were on and off will her current relationship likely last?

It's hard to say whether it'll last. It depends entirely on how much they like each other, how much they want to stay in the relationship, and why they started going out in the first place. And unfortunately, unless you get to know her better, there's really no way you'll be able to tell if she's interested, especially since she seems a bit reserved.

Does her glancing over at me and us making eye contact mean anything if it happens pretty often?

It's probably safe to assume that she finds you interesting. But it's a little out there to assume that the interest is a romantic one.

She laughs at everything I say really, agrees with me on other things, etc.

Friendly conversation for the win. Still doesn't lend to romantic interest, though.

How can I start talking to her? Should I wait till she breaks up with him?

Nooo, no no. Don't wait to talk to her. Just /talk/. Get to know her, so you'll be in a good position if/when they break up. Starting from scratch at that point will only put you down with every other guy she knows.

Now, having read that, what's the opinion? I have had no sign that she doesn't like me and have not been told by others that I didn't have a chance.

And you probably do have a chance. But especially with a shy girl, you have to let her get to know you better first. She's probably with the current guy at least in part because she knows him. Attaching to her like that let her know exactly what kind of a person he is.

First question: If she said that and they have been dating for only 3 weeks, is that just a common HS opinion? That any relationship seems as though it will never end?

Sometimes, high school kids will think that two people are perfect for each other, and then things will go downhill in a week and everyone will just shrug and let it go. High school relationships are so unpredictable that as long as two people get along, most will think it's going to stay that way.

How much do looks matter to a girl as compared to the person?

Depends on the girl. For someone like this, I'm thinking personality matters a good bit. If she doesn't click with someone, she probably won't consider them. In contrast, you'll occasionally find girls who simply go out with the pretty boy of the week for the attention.

but if I never do anything, how will she know that I DO like her? ... How do I let her know that I like her without going over the top?

Well, don't let her know yet. Get more than the occasional glance and tiny conversation. See if you can get a conversation in before class--about anything. The future, what's on TV, the class itself... Just get to know her, and let her get to know you. Judge things once you've gotten to that point.

[losthere777]

Thanks for the help so far. The eye contact I spoke of is like in the middle of class, not when we are talking. Like at least 5 times in the classes I can see her in.
Anyway here is today...

It was her birthday, I had hoped to build up the courage by third period to say "Happy Birthday" to her when I walked by her before class started. But she wasn't there yet...In class, our teacher is nuts, he was putting us in as characters into his jokes and whatnot. She (from the corner of my eye) was always looking back at me and smiling, and laughing as well. Earlier that period (its religion class) we were discussing divorce and what areas are hard to deal with it. She may not have known, but I knew her parents were divorced and she had to choose who to live with. Eventually I made this comment:

"I think it would be hard to decide between one parent" thats in a nutshell, maybe I was sucking up to her, but she doesn't know it...

The next period I walked in (early) right behind her, as I am coming through the door she is coming out. I look at her and she was smiling, she said "Did that girl have a baby?" -in the hallway- I walked out of the room a step behind her and said, "Who, that girl in the white coat", she said "She had a stroller"-and I said "Oh, I thought you meant she was pregnant"-and she said "I think she was last year"-and I said "Thats still kinda weird" and she said something and that was all for that. I felt VERY comfortable when she looked at me and started talking, not nervous one bit. I extended the conversation as much as I could. She seems more and more beautiful to me every time I see her (especially when we talk)

At lunch I realized something as well. Two of her closest friends (not really attractive ones imo...but thats un-important) are dating two of my good friends, one sits to my right and the other in front of me. I wish I knew her friends better...but that can't hurt!

At study hall a few kids (one girl, and a good looking one at that) were still discussing me. They were pretty sure it was Kayla. The one girl said she heard someone talking, in a good way, about me earlier. I said "did she have a boyfriend" and she said "Yes", so I hope it was Kayla. But the girl said she thinks her and her bf get along well, but the guy said thats not at all what he heard, which is my suspicion. He said to just admit it was her and they both kept saying "She is VERY good looking" and they emphasized "sexy" for whatever reason. They also mentioned how quiet she was and shy etc. The girl confused me when she said "That would make my year if (me) and Kayla date" I said why and she said "I don't know, it was just be awesome."

English class came and again we saw each other at least 5 times. In general here is what I noticed and would like help deciphering these things:

She has started a few conversations with me, neither about boring stuff like "How is your day?" or the weather etc.

I have not seen her start conversations with many or any guys really, but she sometimes does with girls.

She laughs at most things I say. Agrees with others. Smiles when she starts talking everytime, like a big smile in the few convos we had.

I want to start doing something more but it is so much easier when she starts it. Any ideas/answers??

[vashti]

Most of us would like to help you, but you will need to summarize your original post. (in case you are interested.)

[Michael6084]

dude i would just wait until she breaks up with the guy until you say anything to her. i think telling her you like her regardless of it being over-the-top or very casual just wouldnt fit well while she's in a relationship.

more importantly, it's senior year, so do something else other than spending your time trying to get with this girl though! my senior sucked because of the fact that half the school year dealt with an ex AND i never applied to any colleges because my focus was on a girl who i wasted my time on. right now im in community college and ill transfer so im okay now, but it really sucks to miss up the opportunity to go right to a 4-year college from high school.

and i dont mean to sound like im "shooting you down" or anything, but its a real shame when ppl spend their time with something that can wait compared to something more pivotal in life, such as going to college.


as for right now though with her, just try to think of her as nothing but a FRIEND and dont care or worry how you come off or what you talk about. think of her just as any of your other friends and talk to her like you would to your friends. in my experience just being myself got more girls' attention than if i purposely tried to do things a certain way.

i know where you are coming from though. during my middle school years (yeah i know) and my freshman year in high school, i absolutely was in a crush with a girl for at least 3 1/2 years and i kinda wasted my time thinking about her, but she too was an amazing person and she still is, but sometimes ppl like that you gotta move on from.

so yeah, definitely think of her as just a friend and just hit it up with her. i found in my experience that being yourself is key and dont worry about what she may or may not think about you.

[losthere777]

I would summarize but you really need to read it to understand the entire situation. It takes like three minutes to read...sorry for it being so long, but this way I can get more specific answers. Thanks in advance.

[losthere777]

Thanks but I don't want to be just friends and we are both relatively shy. I am 95% sure she likes me and many people feel/know that she doesn't like her boyfriend right now, so I keep that in mind. I am not acting differently at all, other than trying to pick some stuff up, and leave/give hints...

[losthere777]

Last bump.

[Gigabitch]

Oh, enough with the hints, already. Don't spend your life pussy-footing around. You're young. Do the crazy, risky things NOW, or you will regret not taking the chance.

You're too hesitant.

[IndiReloaded]

Summarize if you want the regulars to post. 3 min may not seem like much, but i can read a lot of posts in that time. There are lots of ppl asking advice.