Casual Relationship vs. Committed Relationship

[pythongrace]

What do these mean to you guys? casual relationship means it's temporary and the couple are allowed to date and talk to whoever they want in a mental, physical, and emotional level? and in a committed relationship, it's the same as being married, you're not allowed to date anybody else right?

[lesa]

It depends on what is communicated. A casual can be exclusive and a committed relationship can have outsiders...I think rare but some people do like that sort of stuff. A committed relationship is not marriage unless you are married lol. Hmmm, I guess the truly real committed relationship would be marriage. It depends on what you are committing to. Committing to dating no other for the life of the relationship or committed to spend your life with someone. Marriage is for that.

I am procrastinating badly. I'll be back to look on this topic .

[carl1222]

Hi Grace,

I think your definition is a pretty good one covering most cases, and lesa's point about the difference between a committed relationship and marriage is spot on.

But you asked what the terms mean to me.

A casual relationship is one where both partners agree and are comfortable with both partners dating others, getting emotionally involved and possibly having sexual contact. In a casual relationship, there is no commitment at all except to be decent to and honest with each other. In a casual relationship it's not necessary to end it by a break-up ... but a decent person will tell you, as a matter of common courtesy, why they don't want to see you any more.

Pretty much all new relationships start out as casual relationships, and by my definition it also includes friends with benefits and f*** buddy relationships.

Committed relationships include an agreement to be exclusive and faithful both emotionally and sexually until there is a break-up.

Another way to look at it is that in a casual relationship you aren't cheating if you are physically or emotionally intimate with someone else, in a committed relationship you are.

The usual transition from casual to committed is agreeing to be boyfriend/girlfriend or saying "I love you" because these terms imply exclusivity.

Carl.

[lesa]

In a casual relationship it's not necessary to end it by a break-up ... but a decent person will tell you, as a matter of common courtesy, why they don't want to see you any more.

A very good point here. In a casual relationship, a relationship can continue for as long as you desire and may not have any real breakup. The couple may see each other for years and remain friendly. It is sometimes harder to end (well, I don't really know...only one experience) unless one gets into a serious relationship, move too far away, or get tired of each other, etc. The ending of a casual relationship may be on such good terms (compared to a serious relationship) that you may still contact them as friends or even invite them to your wedding (as a guest)!!!

It's also less stressful and therefore more carefree and has much lower expectations than a serious or committed relationship. It is very different and more exciting to me. I don't know if I will do it again, however. You have to keep your feelings from developing so it's not for people who get too attached to another.

Committed relationships are great too and has a huge emotional investment. It's emotionally draining if there is a breakup. I do think I prefer this type of relationship but I am not exactly ready at the moment.

[carl1222]

"You have to keep your feelings from developing so it's not for people who get too attached to another."

How do you actually control that? Keeping your feelings from developing? Even the most hedonistic person can get caught in this trap.

Lesa, you have identified the serious risk of casual "playing the field" relationships. And also you have revealed the flaw in those who would argue that playing the field leads to better romantic choices ... if you have to hold your feelings in check while dating to avoid being hurt, how does that lead to a better choice???

That's why i opt for serial committed monogamy. You meet someone you like, commit early to actually test if you think there is potential.

Carl.

[lesa]

This is my first and maybe last casual relationship so I will get back with you on the results hehe. It's a little different in that its exclusive. You are right about the emotions. That's why it should end sooner rather than later. We don't allow ourselves to get to that "I love you and want to spend my life with you" state. It's not the 'playing the field' type but more like he is busy running his business and starting up new locations and I am working on my doctorate. We will seriously hinder our career if we commit to anything more than what we have now.

I, too, prefer committing at the beginning of the relationship and was in fact in a long-term one. I don't want to waste anyone's time. For me, the person has to be marriage material in order for me to do the serious relationship again and right now I am not ready. I'm ready mentally and emotionally but now I would be traveling too much. Hmmm, actually I do that now in my casual relatonship but I digress.

A little company in the meantime is all I want . I don't have time to play the 'wife' to anyone I am not married to. And I certainly don't seek multiple partners. Oh, I must mention that I am not talking about casual sex. Me no do that. I'm rambling and not making sense lol.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

A very good point here. In a casual relationship, a relationship can continue for as long as you desire and may not have any real breakup. The couple may see each other for years and remain friendly. It is sometimes harder to end (well, I don't really know...only one experience) unless one gets into a serious relationship, move too far away, or get tired of each other, etc. The ending of a casual relationship may be on such good terms (compared to a serious relationship) that you may still contact them as friends or even invite them to your wedding (as a guest)!!!

It's also less stressful and therefore more carefree and has much lower expectations than a serious or committed relationship. It is very different and more exciting to me. I don't know if I will do it again, however. You have to keep your feelings from developing so it's not for people who get too attached to another.

Committed relationships are great too and has a huge emotional investment. It's emotionally draining if there is a breakup. I do think I prefer this type of relationship but I am not exactly ready at the moment.

Lesa, I think how you defined a casual relationship is how I feel about my friend and I right now. It's not a must, and we can leave each other with more of a chance of ending on good terms than a committed relationship, which is alot better.

[Junket]

Lesa, I think how you defined a casual relationship is how I feel about my friend and I right now. It's not a must, and we can leave each other with more of a chance of ending on good terms than a committed relationship, which is alot better.

You can do that because neither of you have had enough time to become too invested. Plus you said yourself he may already have started committing. You need to have both eyes open and both hands on the wheel if you're going to try to run with a non-committal, casual, sexual relationship. I think your feelings are actually undermining your logic on this, and you haven't realized yet.