Ex bashing = red flag?

[Nybeauty02]

Hey all.

Just got out of a 6 week relationship...one in which I thought was very very good. However, he did not handle "the end" very well and pretty much just shut me out. As soon as I realized he was, in fact, ignoring me (he is in a dangerous line of work), I stopped contact.

Well now I'm looking back to try and learn from the experience, and a red flag I think I may have overlooked was the crazy ex talk.

Even before our first date, he told me he "gets all the crazies". He went as far to say that one was a cutter, another was an alcoholic, etc. He did say how he took them as learning experiences. However, his car had been vandalized by more than 1 female. And he tells this "crazy ex" tale alot...mutual friends have made comments to me how he "always gets the crazies".

Am I losing it, or that's an obvious red flag, right? I have had wayyy crazier exes, but never spoke of them.

I do want to say that besides that, in 6 weeks, we treated me very well - he wasn't abusive or anything. But it just seems like at the end, he doesn't handle it so well, maybe like what he did to me.

I have a feeling I may now be on the list of "crazy exes" (although I did nothing like the others). I really don't care about that, he's delusional if he tells people that and I could care less. I'm just curious if "crazy exes" is a warning sign for that next time...

Thanks.

[kitkitkitty]

hello again did something bad, however minor happen near the end of these 6 weeks? since he has 'experience' of crzy women in his past he may have seen a 'sign' or something that you could turn out like the rest of them? then he would've run as quickly as possible so he wouldn't have to deal with what he thought you'd turn into? if that makes sense..

[Hopelessxlover]

i don't know myself personally, but i read somewhere that ....."guys who describe most of their exes as crazy are most likely commitment-phobes who don't know it and are subconsciously finding traits to label as "crazy" so they can validate to themselves that the relationship wouldn't have worked anyways. When they are actually the ones who have the issues."

disclaimer: I don't think this is true. I'm not sure if it is or not. I just remember this from somewhere and wanted to post it here.

[LailaK]

So... at the end of your relationship he stopped talking to you...

You guys broke up, and he stopped talking to you...

Sorry, I'm failing to see what's abnormal about this situation. Some people don't feel like playing the "friendship" game after a break up. They realize that there's no need to pretend to be friends and it's better to just cut contact and move on. That seems to be what happened here and it's completely normal. Why should he talk to you? You're broken up.

[Lite]

Typically when a relationship ends, people stop talking to each other. At least, they do if they want a healthy break-up. I've dated a few crazy and abusive women at the time. As far as I can tell, the only thing I did wrong was choose to date them in the first place. Most likely at worst he's into co-dependent relationships and/or drama. It sounds like he has some baggage with crazy ex's that he has to deal with.

But really you're not giving us to suggest that either you or he is crazy, or that there was something wrong with the relationship. Perhaps you just weren't a good fit together.

[VincenzoG91]

After a breakup, I try to reflect on what went wrong, at least enough to identify any mistakes that I made. That way, I can learn and grow as a person and do better next time. Maybe there weren't any mistakes, and I just got involved with somebody who turned out to be incompatible. Anyway, if somebody always complains about psycho exes, it makes me think that the complainer is the real psycho.

[Nybeauty02]

Oh when we broke up, he said over and over and over that he didn't want this to be final and if I changed my mind, to call him. Well I did and he ignored me.

Oh course, he probably changed his mind, but that's not the issue I have. I didn't deserve to be stone-walled like that. A text saying "hey I don't want to talk" or something of the like, would;ve been sufficient, and frankly something I deserved after being so good to him. We met eachother's families for God's sake! This wasn't a sexual-based relationship.

But even that is getting off on a tangent. I was just wondering if "crazy exes" are red flags.

[LailaK]

He doesn't owe you anything. He doesn't have to talk to you if he doesn't want to. I think you are being unreasonable if you think you're being wronged because he doesn't want to talk. You're broken up. Break ups are hard enough without having your ex in your face all the time.

It also sounds like you broke up with him so have you ever considered that it might be painful for him to speak to you? Maybe he's doing his best to move on and you should let him. Expecting him to still talk to you is selfish.

To answer your question, no, I don't think crazy exes are red flags because I don't think your ex is doing anything out of line.

[Paperclip]

I think your obsession over a 6 week relationship with someone you have tried to show as 'beneath you' is a huuuuuuuuuge red flag. How many more threads are you going to make about this? You broke up with him, it is time to move on.

[lahnnabell]

To answer you directly, I think any excessive talk of exes is inappropriate. To me it signals an unwillingness to move on from those past transgressions and really start something new with someone new.

My boyfriend got a few crazies. I know because they tried really hard to jump back into his life once he and I started dating. His most recent ex kept calling him for weeks after they broke up, saying that she refused to "give up on us". Eventually, he had to resort to just ignoring her completely to get her off his back.

After that, we were able to progress in our relationship. Now, if he had still refused to cut her out if his life despite how miserable she was making him and me (his new girlfriend), I would have either gone the ultimatum route, or I would have cut my losses early on.

[xxazurexx]

How they treat their exes, is an indicator of how you will eventually be treated.

Which is why it's always a good idea to get some clue in regard to a guys past relationships, before you get involved.

[Charisma]

My first bf ignored me for months. I ended up having enough and got angry at him, then I had all this stuff on how he couldn't think of what to talk to me about, that he had been depressed for ages about not having a job and stuff, and blah blah blah how HE was feeling crap and I was wrong to say the things I say, etc. I couldn't accept his reasoning for ignoring me, so I just kept explaining to him that I had no idea anything was going on, and it wasn't on, etc. He dumped me of course, citing that I'm a crazy bitch.

There were signs that he wasn't worth it, but I didn't realise them. He was incredibly insecure, and would either boast about how many exes he's had, or how hurt he's been from his exes- depending on his mood. In a way I'm glad he did what he did, because I was really unhappy and didn't have the sense to end things-I thought talking to him would fix or change him.

Nowadays I get the odd text from him begging to meet me again, and how wonderful and fun I am, and all that crap, sometimes when he's actually dating someone else. But he blew it, and even tho I won't say it to him he can **** off thinking I'd date him again.

Anyways, my point is that sometimes people will be blind to everything and blame the *failings* on the other person, or people. I know I do it. And sometimes it's never destined to work out no matter what both people do. But it would be blooming boring if every relationship worked, and if there was no such thing as a bad relationship.

[LailaK]

I don't understand why females seem to think their ex boyfriends have an obligation to talk to them. That's crazy to me.

[lahnnabell]

I don't understand why females seem to think their ex boyfriends have an obligation to talk to them. That's crazy to me.

I don't think it is so much that they think they have an obligation, but females are typically a lot more sensitive to something like being completely ignored. I think they tend to dramatize the situation a lot more than males ever do. But that behavior is part of what gives women a bad rep!

[Charisma]

I care when a bf ignores me. An ex-bf doesn't matter anymore, and that's when they start bloody hounding you with texts and stuff.

I'd like to think my behaviour gives me a bad rep, not women in general. But hey ho.