Decisions, Decisions

[TheGreek]

First off, this is going to be a long post. Very long. But your assistance is quite appreciated and there is a very abbreviated Cliffnotes located at the bottom. Thank you.

So let’s start from the beginning. Second semester of my senior year of high school, I become very good friends with this guy. Let’s call him Jack. Jack and I ended up going to the same college together and when we are out and get a few drinks in us, we will talk about how we are going to be the best man at each other’s weddings. Back in August, while we were partying with a group of about 10 people, I meet a girl. Let’s call her Anna. Anna is a little cutie pie and I notice that she and my friend Jack are flirting. So, not wanting to cockblock my buddy, I don’t pursue her. I talk to Jack and he says that he has a thing for her, so I back off and don’t flirt with her.

About a month later, he says that he feels like the two of them are just better off as friends and that he does not care if I start to pursue something with her. So, she and I begin to flirt with each other whenever we see each other or are hanging out at parties or whatever. Two weeks later, he tells me that he’s not over her and wants to give it another shot. I think this is total bullshit, but I back off whatever. Let’s just say Jack needs it more than I do.

Two months later, Jack and Anna have still not set anything up. One night, I decide to throw a party at my ranch which is about 40 minutes from our college campus. The group consists of myself, Jack, and two other guys. One of the other guys brought a girl along, Marissa. The two of them had recently broken up with their respective significant others and my friend was planning on hooking up with her. So the five of us, Anna, and four of her friends all come to my ranch. We start playing beer pong and having a good time. Marissa begins to flirt with me pretty heavily, but I’m not going to pursue it considering that my friend brought her with the intentions of hooking up. About 30 minutes later, he comes and talks to Jack and I and states that he is not going to hook up with her and that if we want to, he wouldn’t mind. Jack wants me to concede to him, but no. You have to earn what you get. So, we make a rule, friendly competition and no cockblocking.

Now, to the ladies reading this, I know I sound like a dick right now. My apologies. I was drunk and felt like having fun. Moving on, I give Jack some time to work his magic…to no avail. So basically, after Jack realizes this, everyone goes back inside the house. The very second the door closes, Marissa and I begin making out in what could only be considered animalistic. We move from the porch to the backseat of my truck (when I bought it in 2007, the Nissan Titan had the biggest backseat in class. Well worth it ). At this point, her clothes start coming off and long story short she is completely topless straddling me in the backseat. But then she tells me that she is drunk. I ask her if she wants to stop. She replies, “No…but I’m pretty drunk.” So I say, “Well then I’m going to stop.” So after helping her put her clothes back on (I did not know she was this drunk), she gets out of the backseat and proceeds to start throwing up in the grass. This is where it gets fun…

Next thing I know, Anna comes running outside with her four girlfriends and she’s crying. I talk to the designated driver and after giving her directions back to campus, ask her if Anna is crying about me hooking up with Marissa. And this is the reason Anna is crying. So I’m like, f***. At this point, I still liked Anna, but didn’t know how she felt. Add the confusion of being 18, horny, drunk, and at a party with a pretty good looking girl grabbing my ass, well yeah, who am I to say no.

Back to Jack. After he finds out about this, he is pretty pissed at her for feeling this way and he and I have this long talk about her and him. He doesn’t think that it’s fair that she is feeling this way about me and overall, is pretty pissed at the situation (not a Jersey Shore reference). So, for the next three days, Jack has to arrange these meetings with me to talk about how it’s not fair for me to date her because it’s going to cause drama in the group and it’s going to make everyone split up and blah blah blah. Basically, I just think that he’s being a jealous little b**** about the whole thing. But I basically tell him, come what may. He seems okay with this.

At this point, Anna starts texting me now and then, and we flirt and little, make future plans, etc. It’s fun. I’m starting to like this girl and I like where the whole thing is going. We don’t really see much of each other at the end of last semester because she is an Aeronautical Engineering major (I’m a Finance major) and we both have lots of studying to do. Fast forward past exams….

Winter Break starts and I need to go shopping for a Christmas gift for my mom and it just so happens I need help picking something out. So I call Anna and she meets me at the mall to help me out. We walk around for a while, talk, find the gift for my mom, and then decide to get lunch. We go to lunch together at Café Express and have a nice time enjoying each other’s company. We keep texting over the break and one night I decide to take her out for sushi. This is her first time ever having sushi, so this is something she’ll definitely remember and associate with me. This is a good thing. We walk around the mall for a little bit and then decide to drive around and look at Christmas lights. I take her by my house to show her the lights outside and the decorations inside and everything and she likes it. Before you jump to conclusions, no I wasn’t trying to make a move.

On the drive back to her house, roughly 20 minutes, we play the question game and begin to find out a little bit about each other. I take her back home and we both hugged and said how we had fun and enjoyed the night. Now normally, I would have probably kissed her on this date, but I didn’t. Why, because before me, she had only kissed one other guy. I don’t want to rush things and take her too far out of her comfort zone. The next weekend, is New Year’s Eve and I decide to throw a party.

New Year’s Eve rolls around and I have about 12 people come over and have a good time. I wanted our kiss to be special and do it at the ball drop, but it would have been really awkward with our friend Jack right there. So at about 12:30, I go into the office in my house where she and her friend are talking. She invites me to sit down on her lap and I take the seat. Within two minutes, I grab her by the hand and stand her up. Sit down and put her on my lap. I tell her that there’s a tradition on New Year’s Eve and she asks about it, this is where she and I have our first kiss; which proceeds to turn into a little makeout session. At this point, I think it’s time to go back to the party, so after playfully biting her lower lip, tell her that that’s all the she gets for now, and we join the rest of the group in the kitchen. Fast forward the rest of the night, she and I end up making out in three other rooms of my house including my bedroom, my patio, and the island in the middle of the cul-de-sac before she gets in her friend’s car. I’d call this a good night. We continue to text the next day and I know that things are good.

On the 2nd, I left for a snowboarding trip in Breckinridge, Colorado. Let’s just say that the trip was absolutely incredible. She and I continue to text and I send her a couple of pictures of the mountain. After I get back, we decide to go on another date because she just has to try Greek food (yes, I play up my heritage ) We watch a movie, Youth In Revolt, which ends up being pretty lousy and then I take her back home. We are still playing the question game when we get there with about 15 minutes to spare. I ask, “Would you like to kiss me?” Her reply, “Well, we do have 15 minutes.” So she and I begin to kiss in the truck for a little bit. We continue to text and I see her when she gets back to campus.

The night she’s back, the group goes out to the Hall to go country dancing. She and I dance, have a good time, I go back to her dorm where her roommate is and we cuddle for a little while until she falls asleep. I have to go, because of stuff I need to do in the morning, so I wake her and kiss her a few times before I leave. The next night, she and I decide to hang out again and I take her to a couple places that I’m looking at living at next year. Then we decide to watch a movie in my dorm. We cuddle up and watch Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle. After the movie, she wants to go back to her dorm. We go back and about 30 minutes into Miss Congeniality, we start making out. Clothes start to come off and we have a good time. This goes on for about an hour. And then it’s time to go. I kiss her good night and go on my way.

Classes start and about four days later, she starts acting weird. So the next night at a party we see each other and after taking her back to her dorm, where my friend Jack is staying, she and I start to talk, because Jack is puking. I ask her why she’s acting weird and she says that she wants to have this conversation when we are both are sober. I agree and we go to lunch the next day and then go back to her dorm and start talking. Basically, she and I like each other and want to see where this goes, but the other guys are making it hard. The guy that had taken Marissa to the party, Brad, and Jack. Well, Jack and I have also been having some issues too and he has also begun to act strange. So me, not liking to beat around the bush, decide to talk to the group, not only because of Anna and I, but also because of how my good friend, Jack, is acting. So we talk and basically, after the conversation, Brad thinks that it would cause drama. He’s not saying not to date her, he’s just wanting to keep the peace in the group. I respect him for this and tell him so. Jack on the other hand does not want to talk to me, claims that nothing is wrong, that he is over Anna, and that he just needs some space. He then accuses of starting drama and other nonsense. His immaturity and jealousy make me pretty angry and at this point, I feel like he’s acting, for lack of a better term, like a jealous little b****.

After the conversation with the group, I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. Pursue things with Anna and cause tension with my Jack and possible issues with the group if she and I end up not working out. Or, tell her the reason that she and I can’t keep doing this, and then she not becomes pissed at me, but also at Jack and Brad for acting that way.

Here is where I stand on the issue: I just don’t know. Anna is a cool girl and someone I enjoy hanging out with, but not someone I want to pursue a serious relationship with. I’d like to keep it as fun, friends with benefits kind of deal or maybe get in a relationship, as long as it doesn’t get serious. I don’t see myself falling for this girl, but I’m not ready to give her up yet. So, I could pursue it, or just stop now. To me, it’s a lose-lose situation and I have no idea what to do.

Now, I turn to you. What do you think? What do you think my best plan of action is? I’d be quite interested to hear your opinions.

Lastly, if you read this entire post, I sincerely applaud you and appreciate your assistance. If there is anything else you’d like to know, don’t hesitate to ask.

Cliffnotes: Guy likes girl who friend likes. Decides to pursue her anyway. Now things are weird and tension has been caused and he has to make a choice between her and the group.

Thanks again.

[TheGreek]

So, I'm guessing this post is a little too long.

[flower21]

I think this situation is pretty simple. You summed it up when you said you don't think you would fall for her.

I'm going to make a lot of girl assumptions here, but if you choose a girl over your friends, she will read into this. By not wanting a long term relationship, you are just going to hurt her eventually, however unintentional. Also, girls mix emotions with sex. If you want a friend with benefits, in my experience this always gets messy.

Stick with your friends. Eventually Jack will fall for another girl and forget Anna. Plus you're 18. There will be so many more girls out there without all the baggage attached to them!

If you and Anna are meant to be, it will happen.

Remember bro's before ho's!

Hope this helps

[TheGreek]

Thanks for the advice, Flower.

[starbuck]

You don't even want to pursue a serious relationship with her so I don't really see the point in busting up your friend group over it. Even if you did want a serious relationship with her, I'm not sure losing your good friends would be worth it.

If she can't see how you'd need to call this off with her, then she's a pretty selfish girl.