the "stages" of dating?

[sfalexi]

A comment in another thread inspired me to write this. Basically, the comment stated that a girl went to a party, met a guy, and the next day talked about her new 'boyfriend'.

Now if I were that guy, that'd freak the shit out of me. Cause to me, 'boyfriend' seems like something that should be worked up to. Correct me if I'm wrong or if my thinking doesn't make sense, but here's the way I always thought it was played out . . .

Meet a girl, like her. Get her phone number, hook up, whatever. At this point you're 'seeing' her and 'dating her', but it's not yet exclusive nor serious. So you are free to see other girls if they interest you and vice versa (whatever you decide to do with them is up to your morality - aka sleeping with multiple girls, or maybe just dating a few simultaneously with maybe not even a kiss with any of them) ALSO (and please take note of this so people don't start bitching about how unfair and mean this is) the girl is more than welcome to do the same! I ASSUME that she's seeing other guys until we have that talk and decide to make it 'exclusive' (which may come later on after dating for a bit if we both REALLY like each other and see a more 'longterm' potential in the relationship)

The whole point of this (IMHO) is to see what's out there, and see what your best prospect would be. I wouldn't want to meet a girl that I 'sorta' like or clicked with one night, and then just immediately stop looking at ALL other women and put ALL my effort into that one relationship. She could turn out to be a freak. She could just be too different. And then I'd have wasted my time and (maybe) passed up an opportunity to meet someone who would've been a MUCH better match to me than her.

So in my opinion, the 'boyfriend/girlfriend' status implies one of exclusivity. And hence someone should NOT be using that term after an immediate meeting or just one date. In my opinion, it's something that's used after you've both sat down and expressed that you like where this is going, and want to date EXCLUSIVELY each other.

To me, if a girl were to call me her 'new boyfriend' after meeting me and me saying, "Let's go out sometime/again" (depending if it was a date or just a meeting), that just seems very immature, and to me almost conveys a 'desperate' tone. And personally, I'd simply pull her aside RIGHT THERE and explain that I'm NOT her boyfriend. We're simply two people who enjoy each other's company and are having a good time. Not saying that maybe we WON'T be boyfriend/girlfriend in the future, but I'm not sure if I want to make this exclusive yet or not.

I also know that people are different. Maybe there are people out there that can't seem to find it within themselves to even DATE multiple people at once. That's their choice. But I think that in today's society, seeing a few girls at the same time is not unheard of, nor is it morally wrong.

I'd like to open the floor to discussion now. I may not have phrased everything as well as I could have, so if you have any questions as to how I view dating or to anything else I wrote, I'd be glad to answer. Just post away and I'll be checking this thread frequently cause I'm interested in how others feel/think about dating and things such as this.

Rod Steele

[abercromqt20]

no questions here..... i totally agree with you! 100 percent

[jakki2903]

A comment in another thread inspired me to write this. Basically, the comment stated that a girl went to a party, met a guy, and the next day talked about her new 'boyfriend'.

Now if I were that guy, that'd freak the shit out of me. Cause to me, 'boyfriend' seems like something that should be worked up to. Correct me if I'm wrong or if my thinking doesn't make sense, but here's the way I always thought it was played out . . .

Meet a girl, like her. Get her phone number, hook up, whatever. At this point you're 'seeing' her and 'dating her', but it's not yet exclusive nor serious. So you are free to see other girls if they interest you and vice versa (whatever you decide to do with them is up to your morality - aka sleeping with multiple girls, or maybe just dating a few simultaneously with maybe not even a kiss with any of them) ALSO (and please take note of this so people don't start bitching about how unfair and mean this is) the girl is more than welcome to do the same! I ASSUME that she's seeing other guys until we have that talk and decide to make it 'exclusive' (which may come later on after dating for a bit if we both REALLY like each other and see a more 'longterm' potential in the relationship)

The whole point of this (IMHO) is to see what's out there, and see what your best prospect would be. I wouldn't want to meet a girl that I 'sorta' like or clicked with one night, and then just immediately stop looking at ALL other women and put ALL my effort into that one relationship. She could turn out to be a freak. She could just be too different. And then I'd have wasted my time and (maybe) passed up an opportunity to meet someone who would've been a MUCH better match to me than her.

So in my opinion, the 'boyfriend/girlfriend' status implies one of exclusivity. And hence someone should NOT be using that term after an immediate meeting or just one date. In my opinion, it's something that's used after you've both sat down and expressed that you like where this is going, and want to date EXCLUSIVELY each other.

To me, if a girl were to call me her 'new boyfriend' after meeting me and me saying, "Let's go out sometime/again" (depending if it was a date or just a meeting), that just seems very immature, and to me almost conveys a 'desperate' tone. And personally, I'd simply pull her aside RIGHT THERE and explain that I'm NOT her boyfriend. We're simply two people who enjoy each other's company and are having a good time. Not saying that maybe we WON'T be boyfriend/girlfriend in the future, but I'm not sure if I want to make this exclusive yet or not.

I also know that people are different. Maybe there are people out there that can't seem to find it within themselves to even DATE multiple people at once. That's their choice. But I think that in today's society, seeing a few girls at the same time is not unheard of, nor is it morally wrong.

I'd like to open the floor to discussion now. I may not have phrased everything as well as I could have, so if you have any questions as to how I view dating or to anything else I wrote, I'd be glad to answer. Just post away and I'll be checking this thread frequently cause I'm interested in how others feel/think about dating and things such as this.

Rod Steele

I totally agree with you on what you've written. I started off 'just seeing' my boyfriend to see how it went then about 3 weeks ago he asked me to be his girlfriend. I am kinda old fashioned and prefer to be asked - I always say to whom ever I am dating 'please don't assume I automatically assume I'm your girlfriend/boyfriend'.

Anyone that jumps immediately into that exclusive role is playing with fire is is undoubtably going to get burned. It's kind of like the dating rules. Don't get me wrong some do happen like that - I guess it's similar to the sleeping with each other on the first date - the amount of girlfriends I have tell me that they can't beleive it and feel used - I just wanna scream - what do you expect!! When your consenting adults and you both want something no strings attached fair enough, but you cannot presume that your boyfriend/girlfriend now you've done the deed!

Anyway, enough of my rant, just as a girl - I agree with you Rod.

[autobahn]

Dating multiple people is common. When you first meet someone, you should probably assume that they are casually seeing someone else, and you should keep your eyes open too.

Even with some physical intimacy, you cannot assume exclusivity until you have had that conversation with your partner. When to have that conversation is up to you, but it should not be rushed.

[squirrley]

I agree with you Alexi. However, I am NOT one who can casually date mutliple people. Its not a moral issue for me, but I personally dont feel right going out with A. on Friday night and then seeing B. within a week. Im not even old fashioned, but I know I dont feel good about it. Even if Im casually dating one person, and the guy is dating other people, that's his choice. Theres a part of me that would want to know, but dont tell me details, its just understood.

I CANT date multiple people, simple. Id rather give my time to one person, whether one date or 10. Then move on if need be.

[jakki2903]

I agree with you Alexi. However, I am NOT one who can casually date mutliple people. Its not a moral issue for me, but I personally dont feel right going out with A. on Friday night and then seeing B. within a week. Im not even old fashioned, but I know I dont feel good about it. Even if Im casually dating one person, and the guy is dating other people, that's his choice. Theres a part of me that would want to know, but dont tell me details, its just understood.

I CANT date multiple people, simple. Id rather give my time to one person, whether one date or 10. Then move on if need be.

I'm exactly the same. I am true to a person regardless of whether or not it works out, whether they do it in return is up to them.

[KirstyM]

Well I suppose theoretically I agree, but if I were casually seeing someone, it would really annoy me to discover he was casually seeing a few people at once.

[han]

I agree totally, but I guess I didn't give you the details about that experience.... the other guy had been flirting with her as well for quite a while and he was the one that made the first move, I guess he was more bold than I and that also gives him extra points, sometimes beeing cute is not enough Well, that was a longo time ago, ancient history.

Me

[blue]

i think that you are right on the money rod.

[kanzaki]

for me, i can't do it at the sametime. Tho i did try but i failed.

I pretty guess she mite b new in the world as some KIDS actually think that way after one meeting.

Im not sure how guys do it but to me, i can't i will have to try one by one cause it will hurt me as i think i am somehow betraying the other one.

back to the point, i agree. She is still a kid, enough said

[blue]

i rememeber that thinking after one meeting that he was my boyfriend was in middle school!!! thats the only time i have done that.

[nomas]

I think you've got the right idea, Alexi. It's the way it seems to work these days.

I don't date much, but when I go out with girls I'll usually take them out for an evening of good time and it usually doesn't involve any intimacy..not even kissing, usually..although there is the ocasional girl who I'll feel brave and comfortable enough to think that she's cool with it, but usually I'm not so bold in fear of offending her.. okay, maybe I'm just a wimp about it..but the point I'm trying to make is that I'm comfortable "dating" multiple girls because in my dates, it's about showing her a good time and doing something fun, but it seems that it's always more of a friendly environment than a romantic one.

Freddie

[blue]

I think you've got the right idea, Alexi. It's the way it seems to work these days.

I don't date much, but when I go out with girls I'll usually take them out for an evening of good time and it usually doesn't involve any intimacy..not even kissing, usually..although there is the ocasional girl who I'll feel brave and comfortable enough to think that she's cool with it, but usually I'm not so bold in fear of offending her.. okay, maybe I'm just a wimp about it..but the point I'm trying to make is that I'm comfortable "dating" multiple girls because in my dates, it's about showing her a good time and doing something fun, but it seems that it's always more of a friendly environment than a romantic one.

Freddie

ahh the romantic environment well that can come on the 2nd date right? yeah i think so. i like holding hands and talking up close (keep your breath mint handy) taking long wlaks on the beach underneath the moonlight wow now thats romantic and if there is a playground on the beach how even more romantic, take your date on the swings. i mean you just know when that kiss is going to happen. there is no point in planning it. planning it sucks those kisses that just happen oh yes under the moon lit sky. chemistry you kno when its there you kno when its time. blue

[nomas]

But at some point you have to decide you're going in for the kiss..even if it's only a couple of seconds before, right?

Maybe I'm wrong...I do plan too much..plan everything. I live in the future maybe more than I should...once things happen I get nostalgic that it's over. I prefer the anticipation, but that takes away from the moment.

In another thread someone said time is an illusion..well, it's one I'm a slave too more than I should be..but I'm working on that....that's what counts.

Freddie

[cbee]

Couldn't agree with you more Alexi, although like Squirrely I wouldn't choose to "date" more than one guy at a time.