I HATE being this way

[bcgirl]

I am married and have a husband who is great to me, however i have a tendency to be OVERLY jealous which cause me to see red and like a bull i just go craazy. Yesterday we got into a fight because i accused him of "checking out another girl" when we were walking on the street. I constantly watch him like a hawk if a "good looking" girl walks by....he better not be looking at her. We got into a huge fight because he denies checking out other girls. But i expect for his focus to be solely on me at all times. I know that we are all human and we are all wired to appreciate aesthetically pleasing things from animals to plants to other humans. But i have an OVERLY jealous personality that I can't control. Even though he may be totally looking at something else, i am very paranoid and always think that he may be up to no good. I accuse him when he does nothing wrong. My temper I can't control either when I snap and see red. I've never been cheated on, nor has my husband did anything to me that would take away my trust. Why am i like this?? I'm not insecure either as some would try to say.... to most that know me would say i'm somewhat narcissistic. I know i'm very good looking and smart. As for my temper....when i get mad....i can't control it..... i get SUPER mad. I curse, i say really really mean things that just spews out of my mouth like "i'm going to f*ck another guy tonight" or "i'm going to cheat on you" things that really hurt down to the core which no wife should say to her husband. How do I get over this personality of mine? BTW.... my husband isn't the first guy i treated like this. My ex i would constantly accuse as well.....it gotten to the point that i actually did f*** other guys because I was MAD.

[haxan]

Well, even though you're self described as very good looking and smart, there's insecurity there, even if you don't see it in yourself. We guys check out other women ALL the time, just because, (as I'm sure women do men). But the flip side of that coin is that when we're smitten or in love, we wear extremely rose colored glasses.

You know, believe it or not, there are other hot people in the world. Chances are if someone is good looking, there s/o is usually good looking. Guess what? Good looking people get checked out and flirted with all the time.

You have to be comfortable with what you bring to the table and what he has in you, if you're not it will lead to bad things.

[bcgirl]

^ yes i totally agree with your posting. But i HATE feeling this way. I think i have a paranoid personality disorder and think i may be a sociopath since i disregard other people's feelings and only care about my own.

[haxan]

I think i have a paranoid personality disorder and think i may be a sociopath since i disregard other people's feelings and only care about my own.

Ya, not very good building blocks for a relationship or marriage.

[Cerby]

Holy shit...THIS makes me glad that my gf is bi and we check out other women together.

As for your rage jealously and threatening to cheat (empty or not) its time to speak to a counsellor. You're a danger to your marriage.

[bcgirl]

^ yes i agree. But this doesn't happen to often....when it does though..... i go ape sh*t. My husband and i actually have the "perfect" relationship apart from the times i go totally nutz.
I do think i need to speak to a psychologist about my personality disorder.....but what possibly can they suggest that i don't already know? I understand that my behaviour isn't right. I've already diagnosed myself as having a mild sociopathic personality disorder and an extreme paranoid personality disorder when it comes to my spouse.

[IndiReloaded]

^ yes i agree. But this doesn't happen to often....when it does though..... i go ape sh*t. My husband and i actually have the "perfect" relationship apart from the times i go totally nutz.

PMS? I'm serious. If you are truly concerned, keep a calendar record of your flip-outs. If they are monthly, talk to your medico. There are some birth control pills that can help (Vash? Alesse?).

[bcgirl]

^ i'm on birth control at the moment (YAZ)
but yes..... that also does make sense....PMS (really bad PMS!)

[IndiReloaded]

I used to suffer from anxiety (type A, duh) and found teas with St. Johns Wort really helpful on my more cranky days.

But yes, some women do get PMS rather bad. Again, ask your doc for a BC brand known to help w/this:
[url]http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/pmdd/AN01372[/url]

[Cerby]

^ yes i agree. But this doesn't happen to often....when it does though..... i go ape sh*t. My husband and i actually have the "perfect" relationship apart from the times i go totally nutz.
I do think i need to speak to a psychologist about my personality disorder.....but what possibly can they suggest that i don't already know? I understand that my behaviour isn't right. I've already diagnosed myself as having a mild sociopathic personality disorder and an extreme paranoid personality disorder when it comes to my spouse.

Doesn't matter how often it happens, it shouldn't happen at all.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I don't think you have a personality disorder, as narcissists aren't self reflective. Don't try to use it as an excuse. Start taking xanax or smoking weed. You just need to calm your ass down.

And by the way, your husband most certainly does check out other women.

[bcgirl]

^ i agree Cerby. It's as if i can not control myself and i all of a sudden see red and my blood boils and bam...i go nuts. Perhaps I need anger management? Has anyone been to anger management before?

[LoveCoach]

wow, I enjoyed a lot reading your sharing, bcgirl. I am thankful and appreciated.

I would like to celebrate with you the fact that you acknowledge your negative behavior and want to improve because you don't want to hurt your husband. That's awesome. There are two main issues in your sharing that I would like to share my thoughts with: (1) jealousy of your husband checking out hot ladies, (2) can't control your anger.

1) jealousy of your husband checking out hot ladies
An insecure person usually can not be as reflective as you are. And you, yourself know that you are very confident. So there is no point of discussing about insecurity. I might need to talk to you more to fully comprehend the complexity of the problem, but on the surface, I suspect that it has to do with your attitude and your script. Somewhere in your mind, maybe you see your hubby checking out girls and unconsciously it is interpreted as "he doesn't love me". This attitude might have built in you for decades and it becomes your second nature. If this is really a problem, then I have a treatment for you. If not, I'm afraid I would like to request a more vivid detail of your description about this problem. Perhaps a vivid description of a most recent incident. a more vivide, a better.

2) Control your anger.
ok. There are two approach to this problem. PREVENTION or TREATMENT. Our society is so into treatment. In fact, if you want to find a prevention approach, it would be very hard. But I prefer the prevention approach, and lets me share with you why.
First, Anger is a result of reading the situation wrong; the reality is different with your expectation; poor empathy. Example, I park my car on the street and I know that there is no way my car can be towed. 2 hours later, my car is towed. I get mad. When something happened and it's not similar with our expectation and we can not empathize with it, we will get mad. Anger is a consequence of such incident. This is exactly why EMPATHY become a must have skill in any loving relationship. Without the ability to empathize our partners, we would feel angry and frustrated all day long. From your sharing, I would predict that you do know how to empathize. It's just that your empathizing skill is not as good as Dalai Lama or Gandhi yet, so that you are no longer experiencing anger. However, only rarely occured that you can't empathized so you get mad. The good news is that empathy muscle strength could be strengthen by exercising. And it's a great way to prevent you from feeling mad.