PLEASE i really need advice on my relationship i am so worried about it xx

[adele82]

Hi i am adele and i just joined today!

i need some advice , i have been living with my boyfriend now for nearly 2 and half years , we live away from family which are 4 hours away from us! but recently he has said he is not happy , he loves me but he feels that we are not happy in the house or that we have a laugh or do things togetherto have fun, i just dont understand what he is going on about i know its good to have a laugh but neither of us have lived with anyone before so we dont know the rules etc , when you live with someone is it meant to be fun and games every night and have a laugh??
we dont argue that much but we recently have and all this stuff was brought up...
we talked and i asked if he would want to just end the relationship he said he loves me loads and wants to work it out and that we have to work on these problems ie get along and just generally have a laugh etc and make things better

also we dont have sex that often and its just because we cant really be bothered we truly love each other to bits and are attracted to each other but just sometimes we cant be assed and usually have sex maybe once or twice a month!

i just dont know where to start or what to do , i love him so much and dont want to lose him at all but i just dont know how everyone else does it , what am i doing wrong??

i would appreciate any help and advice please i am at my wits end with worry over this!

del xx

[Boisdevie]

You both need to sit down and talk to each other. It really is that simple, and that difficult. You need to tell each other what is not working and what is working in your relationship. And then decide if the relationship can be saved.

[Dune]

From the relationship books that I've been reading (Yeah I'm serious), it is not unusual for a passionate love (at the beginning) to gradually gravitate/transition to a more companionate love. And as theorized, a couple gets along best when they are just about equal in speed at this transition. Makes logical sense, else someone would feel left out in a different 'phase.'

Of course this is just for a lil perspective.. But I guess in your situation, you'd have to talk to your guy about what he's really unhappy about because you're being quite vague here. Unhappiness can come from many things. If it's about passion between you two, I'm sure you love birds know many ways to start rekindling.. Just get romantic/adventurous and do something out of the ordinary. If it's something else.. Well.. Ask your boy what it is and be understanding/help him with it.

[adele82]

hi
thanks for your replies

he says its sometimes like we are passing ships and there is no fun anymore or happiness in the relationship!
i think that yeah we could rekindle our romance a bit !
but i am just worried on what i can do to make him happy!!
i explained that basically i have never lived with anyone before so therefor dont know the rules etc or how everyone else lives!
i asked him what can i do and he says he doesnt know but overall he just wants us to be happy, i suppose at the start its all rather exciting etc but he says that we dont have much to speak about rather than work friends etc!

i really do what to salvage this relationship but i am just so worried and its making me really ill!

del x

[Dune]

For a start you should worry less because the extra anxiety isn't gonna help.

It's awesome that you feel some excitement and I bet you can get quite a kick from thinking of some of the various fun stuff that you've never tried with your partner before.

Just don't be too overly desperate in trying to please your partner as you don't want it to look like you're trying too hard! Just be natural

IMO, I don't think there's any rules for living together besides those that the both of you agreed upon.


All the best.

[devonbrown]

Every relationship goes through lulls. It sounds like you two just need to reconnect a little bit. The fact that all this came out when you were fighting probably means it was bubbling under the surface for a while.

My advice would be recommit to dating each other. Make plans to go out on dates. Do things together. Get dressed up and go out. Maybe even take a little vacation together, even if it is just a weekend getaway or something. Basically, make each other your first priority.

Good luck.