How do I learn to trust him?

[ktroxell]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year and 1/2 now. He has never cheated, however he has lied, multiple times. 3 of which were about his ex girlfriend. They dated for 3 MONTHS, however she took his virginity, and I'm told that that can hold people together for a lifetime.

The first time, I found in his phone internet history that he was logged onto her facebook and going through her messages, This deeply upset me because that means to me that he still thinks about her to the point that he is even checking up on her!

The second time, I found out he was doing the same thing, AGAIN. This time including her myspace and just looking at all her pictures, blogs, etc. So I made a fake facebook and messaged her and told her to change her password bc someone is going through her stuff. She was confused, but she did it. So from there on out I felt pretty confident that he wasn't doing that anymore, bc we broke up for a while and just bc of the simple fact that he COULDNT do it anymore, cause he didnt have the passwords.

The third time (beginning of April this year!) I was in one of his emails and i had seen a registration confirmation email from gmail verifying the creation of a new email. So i logged onto that and found out that he had made a fake facebook just to add his ex to once again see her pictures, blogs, statuses, etc. This absolutely KILLED ME. From everything we went through, there he was doing it again.

Anyway, I didn't want to make this long, but we have been fighting lately, a lot. Because i feel like i always have to accuse him of things, or check his history, or go through his texts. Before him i was in a 2 year relationship and got cheated on. This has a lot to do with my trust issues. Not to mention i have been stabbed in the back multiple times by best friends, so trust is a big issue with me to begin with. But now, I don't know how I'm supposed to trust him! I feel like i always have to worry and question. And its making us fight constantly!

He says if i never forget the past how can we move on. But thats not fair to me, bc he never really done anything to MAKE UP for what he did, and theres never really been any serious effort to BUILD trust on his part. So of course we're still at this point.

I WANT to trust him, but i just dont know how! I am always worried he's still making fake facebooks and still hung up on his ex. And with that lying sparks the question about what else could he be lying about?

I want to trust him, but i feel like im only driving him away with our fights and my accusations. And in a way its not fair to him, but its also not fair to me what he did to MAKE me like this.

Please help, I appreciate you reading this more than anything, it means a lot. And i really desperately need help. Thank you...

[candle23]

Why are you even bothering with this guy?

[ktroxell]

Idk, cause I love him... is it even worth the pain? Or the paranoia that he's gonna do it again? ugh...

[candle23]

And he is still attached to his ex. You will never trust him again because of the times its been breached already. He's not worth the heartache, let this one go and find somebody you can trust.

[Yggdrasil]

Dump him. Save yourself the headaches and pains of being with this loser.

You don't love him. You have some fictional idealistic imaginary picture of a person who doesn't do all this crap. That's whom you love. It's obviously not this guy.

Get real.

[ktroxell]

thanks for the replies and id appreciate it if anyone else had anything to say to help me out =/

[kjb]

He hasn't let his ex go. It doesn't matter what you do or say, he has shown that he is still interested in her. How interested? maybe its an infatuation or maybe its more but you cant trust him.
I think its kinda creepy that he had her password and was logging into her account. And I think its even more creepy that he made a fake account just so he could keep tabs on her.
Why would you want to be with someone that is so obviously into someone else?

[JaCe]

i swear i have been in th same situation, and i always felt i had to look through his stuff only to find how he feels, but doesnt that make you doing the same thing as he is? If he tells you that he loves you and if says there is nothing between him and his ex, then id say trust him a little. I know how hard it must be for you to trust someone like that. I mean if hes already lied to you, and you've been hurt before i understand how much pain you feel. My ex had been with me a year, but he loved a girl who broke up with him after 3 months. I think if that girl is the 1st, or something similar, he will always be looking at her, trying to find answers. But if you can tell he really does love you, then i think it should be ok. I dont like it when people tell me the only answer is to break up or leave, but im going to tell you now, is it really worth it? You might have been just an excuse to attempt to forget his ex. Does he really love you? and Do you really love him? (all i can say due to my experience)

[Bumble_bee]

JaCe, In a frsh relationship then what you say might be valid, but they have been together now over a year, so I do not think she should make excuses for this guy, I mean 3 x? get rid already!

And when the heck was did a guy snooping through another chicks profiles, to the point of creating a fake account become acceptable in any relationship new or old.

It is blatant disrespect. dump his ass