7 Year relationship

[JKate89]

Hi everyone!
I'm new here, I just really want to hear if anyone has been in a similar situation as this.

Alright, I'm 23 and so is my boyfriend. He and I have been together since high school, 7 years now in fact, and have been living together for 4 years. I love him so much, I know I do. I get that butterflies in the stomach, swooning and happy feeling when he and I are together and happy. But, my question is, is there at any point in anyone else relationship that they don't feel as strongly for someone as they once did? And after a few weeks, go back to feeling strongly about them again? I'm very confused. I've felt like this before, I've told him how I feel, just not to the extent to which I feel it. Some other information, I have social anxiety, which means in social situations I'm facing my worst fears everyday. I get shaky, sweating, and very very nervous. And for the past 7 years, he has been there for me every step of the way. What I fear is happening, is am I using him as a crutch for my social anxiety? When he and I are together, I'm more relaxed around people, more easy going. And when I don't feel up to ordering food, etc he does it for me. I'm so very confused... I hope that someone here can give me an opinion...

[Wakeup]

What are you confused about? You're currently using him for your human Oxipam and he seems to love being your anit-anxiety source so what's knowing the answer to your question going to do for you?

... The answer btw is yes it's quite normal to not be in lust with someone indefinately. Lust where's off and when it does and you still want to be with that person, you're still functioning within a healthy and reciprocal relationship.. then you know it's working and that it's actually love and not just infatuation/lust.

*... Are you getting professional help for your SAD? If you are, this would be a good question to talk to him/her about. If you're not, Why not?

[JKate89]

I'm not getting professional help, in fact things have been more under control then it has for a long time. I know I love him, I want to be with him. There is no question about that. I just am worried that because my feelings vary in intensity is it because of my SA? This might not have been the best place to look for advice I guess.

[Wakeup]

I'm not getting professional help, in fact things have been more under control then it has for a long time.

How is that? What have you been doing to make things less anxious for yourself?

I know I love him, I want to be with him. There is no question about that. I just am worried that because my feelings vary in intensity is it because of my SA?

If our feelings never varied, if they were always as intense as that from new relationship energy, then I loved to see the problems people came her with then.

This might not have been the best place to look for advice I guess.

Actually, I wonder why you say that but you're right... of course the best place would be in your therapists office where you go once or twice a month to help you overcome your social anxiety.

[JKate89]

I have had help in the past, its very difficult to talk about my problems to people in person. The times that I did speak to her, I did get help. I've been using some skills she taught me, I'm taking small steps and challenging myself constantly. The more I do it, the easier it gets. It's not perfect, but I've come a long way. I guess your right, I was just concerned about this, I mean, I don't want to be in a relationship if my varying feelings means that I'm doing something horrible to him. I could go a year without thinking this way, and then for a week I might not feel as strongly for him. I was thinking it might be just life in general stressing me out, and getting in the way. I really just wanted to know if these are normal feelings. I thought giving as much information and thoughts as possible would be best, in order to get true opinions. I feel ashamed for feeling the way I do... I just wanted to know if I was alone in feeling this way.

[Daya]

Hi JKate
First of all you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed about. What stands out in your post to me is this line

"I get that butterflies in the stomach, swooning and happy feeling when he and I are together and happy"

Focus on that, focus on the happy times the two of you have and know that you are human and so is he, and he like you will not always feel as strongly about you, at times he too feel that he has varying feelings toward you. That is a completely normal part of being a human being. And it does not mean that you do not love him or he does not love you.

Do yourself a favor and focus on the butterflies in your stomach, the smile that he brings to your lips and the comfort you feel when he is in your present. Focus on what is positive and good in your life

Love Daya

[freethinker31]

Hi everyone!
But, my question is, is there at any point in anyone else relationship that they don't feel as strongly for someone as they once did? And after a few weeks, go back to feeling strongly about them again?

As time goes by, the butterflies in your stomach will definitely lessen because of human nature. You guys have been together for 7 years right? That will surely lead to weakening of feelings. But here's what you can do to bring that feeling back. Try going on vacation for a week with your friends or try hanging out with other people aside from him. And when you get back after a week of not seeing him, you'll be surprised how that feeling will be back. Of course during your vacation, you shouldn't communicate. Let go of everything then come back to realty with him. That's healthy and will definitely generate the butterflies in your stomach feeling once again. Hope my advice helps.