Paying things for a proud semi-feminist?

[teel]

This is somewhat for future reference, but imagine there's a girl who is proud (in a healthy way, not in negative sense) and somewhat feminist (for the lack of a better word), so she somewhat wants to solve everything on her own, which includes for example paying for meals - not in excessive way, so let's give some room for a compromise So this shouldn't normally be a problem... but let's say she doesn't have a lot of money. I would be more than happy to help her out in this case, pay for meal, etc. but I don't want to offend her. Is there any solution to this? It's somewhat a lose-lose situation. Any feminist girls here who can give me insight into their mind?

[vashti]

I hate that the general population has adopted the pejorative notion that being a feminist is somehow "bad". Feminism promotes social equality, and only an asshole would object to that. The general public has allowed the extremists of the movement to redefine the word "feminism". This is like allowing Osama Bin Laden to define all of Islam. Good for your girlfriend for having enough common sense and comprehension of the word to disregard such idiotic ideas.

I think if you offer to take turns paying (rather than splitting each bill 50/50), you can take her to the restaurants of your choice, and she can take you to her choice. Neither of you can (or should) do more than what you are comfortable paying. If she dislikes the inequality of the expense, then tell her it genuinely gives you pleasure to do these things with and for her. If she STILL objects, then you should stop going to expensive restaurants, and maybe instead try cooking at home together, which is romantic, and probably healthier anyway.

[doppelgaenger]

I'm a guy, so you're gonna get a guy's input on this.

If a girl was *offended* because I decided to spend my time and money taking her out for a nice dinner, she can kiss my hairy white ass - I'll take someone out who will appreciate the gesture. I wouldn't waste a second of my time arguing with such a girl or trying to get her to feel comfortable with the idea of it - that kind of behavior or thinking is a RED FLAG ACUPUNCTURE. And I've chatted with girls like that! Think of it this way - you buy your buddy a beer at the bar. He'll thank you for it, drink it, and hopefully there will be some form of future reciprocation. He doesn't feel unequal, but obliged! Sure yeah, women are equal to men, whatever. I can't stand women who take every opportunity to be an activist of their views. Blah blah blah feminism promotes equality and it isn't bad extremists blah blah bullshit who cares. Don't like the response you get for your self-proclaimed title? Tell your bra-burning cocksucker friends to cut that shit out.

Anyway, you get my point. Avoid those kinds of women, or you will become their bitch.

[Gribble]

I've adopted a new strategy for dealing with the growing number of progressive women in my area.

So we're having dinner. The check arrives. I pull out my wallet, she pulls out hers. It isn't just a polite gesture on her part, she sincerely wants to pay half. Here's what I do: if the date's going well and I want to see her again I suggest she let me pay tonight and, in the interest of absolute fairness and equality, she is allowed to invite me on a date and I'll let her pay. Now I enjoy the satisfaction of buying a gorgeous young lady a meal, I secure a second date, I satisfy her desire to be viewed as progressive and independent and I get to enjoy a surprise when she calls me up and asks me out someplace. If I'm not enjoying myself so much I'll just go ahead and let her cover half and be done with it.

[teel]

Thanks Gribble, that's a very good idea. I'm not really in this situation per-se, this was more hypothetical with practical uses in some other problem I have right now (which is more personal), but your tip (combined with vashti's) gave me ideas.

[vashti]

I'm a guy, so you're gonna get a guy's input on this.

If a girl was *offended* because I decided to spend my time and money taking her out for a nice dinner, she can kiss my hairy white ass - I'll take someone out who will appreciate the gesture. I wouldn't waste a second of my time arguing with such a girl or trying to get her to feel comfortable with the idea of it - that kind of behavior or thinking is a RED FLAG ACUPUNCTURE. And I've chatted with girls like that! Think of it this way - you buy your buddy a beer at the bar. He'll thank you for it, drink it, and hopefully there will be some form of future reciprocation. He doesn't feel unequal, but obliged! Sure yeah, women are equal to men, whatever. I can't stand women who take every opportunity to be an activist of their views. Blah blah blah feminism promotes equality and it isn't bad extremists blah blah bullshit who cares. Don't like the response you get for your self-proclaimed title? Tell your bra-burning cocksucker friends to cut that shit out.

Anyway, you get my point. Avoid those kinds of women, or you will become their bitch.

I hope by the time you are a man, you have grown a brain.

[Gribble]

Heh. I didn't read Vash's comment so I basically said the exact same thing. It applies doubly.

[flo_22]

I'm the sort of girl who would offer to pay half or all if I was on a date. Or just out with friends in general. It's not because I'm some feminist or anything, it's more because I wouldn't want someone to think that I'm trying to take advantage of them. It makes me feel uncomfortable or guilty if I let people pay for me, I don't know why but it has always been that way. I don't have a lot of money, never really have, but I think it's more polite to offer, rather than just assume someone else pays because of their gender, financial status etc. If I was on a date with a guy who offered/insisted to pay for dinner or drinks, I would make sure that next time (if there was one) I would be the one who was paying, out of curtosey rather than a desire to be their equal. Maybe women also enjoy treating their other half too.