when friends see your exes

[glow]

okay guys
so here's a question, how should you tell your friends to be when they run into your ex?

one of my girlfriends saw my very new ex last night in a bar, he was outside having a smoke with some chick alone and then they parted ways, my friend doesn't know if they hugged goodbye or anything when he was on his way back into the bar so i don't know if it was a date, plus she probably wouldn't tell me.

she says that as he walked by she said i f-ing hate that guy. to say the least i'm really pissed off because she was drunk and i don't know if he heard even though she said he didn't and though she knows i'm upset i don't want to have that kinda bad tension or immature friends and i do have a few.

i told her she should've just waved as if she didn't know anything about it or us ever and just be friendly for next time as they are essentially neighbors and travel in the same circles.

how do you deal with your friends and your exes? do you have any stories about exes and guys? my 3 good friends all live right by him and we all hang out at the same places ugh.

[Indus18]

Personally, I think it's great that your friend hates your ex. W/ guy friends, the bad ones will hit on your ex, the good ones will blow her off, or be rude if they come face to face, and the expendable friends will be indifferent.

If I'm there and my ex is around then my friends will just ignore her unless she says something. Then they'll either follow my lead, or I have some rogue friends who will say something inappropriate, but i'm never too upset.

I guess our difference is that I truly hate my ex, and it seems you don't feel so strongly about yours... In your case, cordial indifference, seems like what you'd wnat tehm to project on your behalf... Good Luck!

[glow]

the thing is my i think that kind of behaviour is immature. i and it doesn't have to do with them. i can understand people wanting to make their friend feel better but it almost seems as though it's a situation for them to have some sort of attention or just get involved in drama for no reason.
basically the last thing i want is any drama because i definitely do NOT hate the guy, even if he was on a date with someone else it is what it is and i don't understand why a friend would be more upset than i am.
i want to know what to say to make sure their drunken behaviour doesn't get out of hand.

[glow]

so i told my friends when they see him to nod or wave or be all hey what's up because they do know each other and he will just look rude for not being the approacher. is that the mature response? and to NOT talk about us at all just talk as normal people?

[Mish]

It sounds like, you're not over your ex

[carl1222]

It sounds like, you're not over your ex

Of course he isn't, Misha.

[glow]

i'm definitely NOT over, him it's actually very fresh, and that's cool, i'm very aware of that. what my problem is is, i'm not as angry as my friends are. i'm sad but they are just angry and irrational and really too childish for me to want them running into him. they will make the scene i didn't

[Mish]

It sounds like, you don't want your friends to make a scene when they see him or to be rude to him because there might still be a chance between the two of you.

If you are not over him glow, maybe it would be best to remove yourself physically from any interaction with him for awhile?

[glow]

i have removed myself, there are no more pictures texts calls no nothing messages, i've already gotten rid of everything haven't been going to places i think he may be (which is a silly thing to do i think) it's not because of a chance thing, it's just i would never act that way if someone dumped one of my friends and i would not want to be treated that way if it was me either.
but there is no interaction with him whatsoever on my part so that's not an issue, it's the fact that we all rotate in the same circles.

[Mish]

Fair enough. I think it complicates things that you are in the same circles and it's hard to blame your friends for being the way they are if they genuinely dislike him. For fear of causing friction between friends, maybe it would be best to separate from the circles he hangs around in for awhile? Create a physical distance between your friends and him for a bit. Maybe later on when the feelings subside you can slowly get back to those circles again.

Otherwise you may create tension with your friends by telling them how or how not to act around him, something they may not understand given the break up.

[glow]

problem is, these circles are very much my life, i can't actually leave them, i'm taking a break for a few weeks but it's more a scene very hard to explain, they are not going to make themselves scarce for the next little while for my sake, nor should they have to, it's just very frustrating. i'm very worried about having to see him myself in a little over a week very weary of that but right now my problem lies with them. how could i get them to distance themselves from the places we've always gone etc? (rhetorical kinda)

[Mish]

how could i get them to distance themselves from the places we've always gone etc? (rhetorical kinda)

It depends on the places where you hang out I guess. You can do a little research then approach your friends and say "Hey, I found this awesome place where we can get ___ I've heard it's a lot better than in here, let's go and check it out".

[glow]

lol, i wish it was that easy, i really do. i guess a lot of these things depend on the kinda places you live

[Illusional]

why should topic even come up? it's only arouses jealousy. just say, this is my friend so and so.. and leave it as that.

raverboy

[glow]

huh? sorry i missed something, whatdo you mean why should the topic come up, it only arouses jealousy?