Phase 2 of my plan...

[Uncertain]

It's done, I broke up with my girlfriend. I wish I didn't let our relation rot for so long before taking that decision. She didn't take it well at first, but I think she understands my reasons. Overall, it was far less dramatic than what I expected.

Now I have to make a move toward my friend, who I really love. She was in a long distance relationship as well that ended last fall. Since then, she's been single, but she fancies a guy who lives in the states. She says she don't ever want a long distance relationship again, and that guy has been refusing her advances for nearly 6 months. I don't know why she is wasting her time with him. I'm afraid that he could finally end up meeting her just to get his candy and then leave. Another guy who liked her just spent 2 weeks in her city. He met her only once and called her a few times. I don't think I have to worry about him.

I know that she really likes me, she thinks I'm funny and I'm always giving her the attention she needs. When we talk on MSN, it usually last until the early morning hours. I think one of the advantage I have is that unlike all the other guys in her life, I'm a bit older, and certainly more mature. I also live close enough to not call this a long distance relationship.

My biggest worry is that I'm pretty sure I'm not her type physically. Even if I'm in my mid 20s, I still have the body and face of a 17-18 teenager. I'm only 5'8" (just like her) and I don't look very manly compared to the competition. She never commented on my look except to say that I had amazing eyes(they are brown around the pupil and green on the outer edge of the iris).

Since I just broke up from my previous relationship, I don't know how to tell her how I'm feeling. Since it was a long distance relationship and I met my ex for the last time in January, I guess the rules are different on the time I should wait before getting involved with someone else.

I've been giving her plenty of clues over the last weeks, but I don't know if she got them. I don't know what she will think of me when I tell her about my feelings. Will she think I'm a jerk for leaving one girl and moving on her a few days later? Or will she find that flattering? Or she could just be disappointed because she never expected her friend to cross that line.

I don't know if this is a good sign, but she has been very supportive over the last days while I was getting ready to break up and after.

She is supposed to visit me in july for a week and stay in my apartment. I'm guessing this is the best opportunity for me. I'll show her around, we'll go to restaurants, watch movies and I'll cook for her. It will be more than a month after I broke up and we'll see how well we get along. I'm hoping that if the chemistry is really good, she could fall for me. So should I hold my horses until then?

[squirrley]

Hold your horses buddy! You may have been over your previous relationship for awhile-but you still need time to be on your own-be by yourself, etc. I would still keep talking to your current interest-dont let that fall wayward...but takes things slow...get to know her let her get to know you! Have fun with her while youre in the cooling off period. I wouldnt discuss your X anymore. Let that one go unless she asks how youre doing...

Keep your lines of communication open...and continue what you have been...goodluck and Im glad to hear things werent so damn crazy afterall with your X.

[Uncertain]

I know I should wait, but I don't like the idea that she could be getting closer to that other guy in the meanwhile. I know for one thing that he runs his own little forum where both of them seem to flirt alot. In a joking way most of the time, but it's still makes me mad.

[squirrley]

Well uncertain-you have choices here...you can either kick back and maintain what you have going on-keeping it simple...until youre certain shes ready to go ahead with you-or just bail. (which isnt an option for you) BUT you cant get mad at her because shes talking with other guys right now-youre not exclusive and just because he MIGHT be interested in her doesnt mean shes interested in him. Let her know you would like to see her...but keep things casual--she may think because of what youve just recently done-she may think youd do the same to her-so take it slow-

TRUST ME-you dont want to scare her off-you seem to really like this girl and if you want it to work or see where things can go-play the confident cool man...

[Uncertain]

She's the one interested in him and she says he never gave her a clear answer. She wants to avoid long distance relationship, but this guy lives in Ohio, which isn't too far. I think they haven't met yet because they both live with their parents and cannot stay at each other's place. The last time she went south to meet a guy, he basically ****ed her and then ignored her after she went back home. I'm so afraid this could happen again.

I have the slight advantage that If she visits me next month, I'll meet her first. She's known him for at least 6 months and me only 3 months. What's better, telling her that I'm interested before she meets me, or act as a "normal" friend and see what happens when we are face to face?

[jazmyne]

maybe the 2 of of u need to cam and talk over the phone. its better to know if she's into u for real or not.

[squirrley]

id wait until you see her-then go from there...

[Uncertain]

I've figured that we would probably talk before she comes over here. She hates talking on the phone though, so I never insisted on that.

I don't know if she's into me, there is a chance that she likes me and sees my recent breakup as something good. Then just like me, she could be wondering when is the right moment to seriously talk. Or she never thought of me as a potential partner, even if I'm single again.

The only thing I'm 100% sure about is that we are good friends and at least she loves me in this role. If it wasn't the case, then I wouldn't be afraid to make a move toward her. I don't want to ruin our friendship, but I can't imagine being her friend if she has a boyfriend either. The jealousy would kill me.

[Uncertain]

Basically, I think I'll lose her unless I do the right thing to get her interested in the next weeks. I risk ruining everything if I talk to her at the wrong moment and in the wrong way. And If I do nothing, she will eventually end up with someone else.

[Uncertain]

I told her about my feelings yesterday night. I didn't really expect her to feel the same about me, but I'm a bit disappointed anyway. She said that she just want to be friends. Apparently, she never got any of the hints I gave her in the past and this was a surprise to her.

Now I'll have to work to make sure this didn't undermine or damage our friendship too much.

[squirrley]

Im sorry it didnt work out for you...the way you had hoped. But you told her and its out in the open. I dont think she'll have a problem being your friend.

Just be yourself and do what you were doing before Uncertain...remaining friends at this point is probably for the best anyway...ya never know down the road.

[Clifton]

uncertain, you cant lose something youve never had, and i did not realize all your relationships were made online, not that theres anything wrong with that its just, you dont know this girl, even what its like to look into her eyes, yet you say you love her, as you said about the other girl, i think maybe your confused as to what love is.. i think squirly is right, you should take a break from relationships-some girl youve never even met and you think you love her- and your a grown man, just a bit odd, and it doesnt suprise me now that she didnt take the breakup as hard as you expected.

[Clifton]

and by the way, not to say people cant make mitakes, but why would you wanto be with a girl- who talks to people oin the internet, then meets them, then ****s them the same day she meets them? granted youve chatted online- its still the same as a girl going up to a complete stranger and ****ing him-very slutty/dirty in my eyes, but ok..

[Uncertain]

uncertain, you cant lose something youve never had, and i did not realize all your relationships were made online, not that theres anything wrong with that its just, you dont know this girl, even what its like to look into her eyes, yet you say you love her, as you said about the other girl, i think maybe your confused as to what love is.. i think squirly is right, you should take a break from relationships-some girl youve never even met and you think you love her- and your a grown man, just a bit odd, and it doesnt suprise me now that she didnt take the breakup as hard as you expected.

Outline, You are assuming too much.

My ex girlfriend was a long distance relationship, but we met and spent time together whenever we had vacations. She was supposed to move with me next year.

You are right, I shouldn't have used the word "love" about my friend. I can't say that I love her until we have actually met. I should have said that I'm interested in her instead. Which is exactly what I told her yesterday.

Your last reply is just wrong. Who said that she met someone on the internet and had sex on the same day? She went to meet that guy after knowing him online for a long time, and he dumped her right after they spent time together. Maybe she was naive, but she is certainly not a "slut" because some asshole tricked her.