Taking it slow

[tommy89]

Hi all,

I normally wouldn't ask for advice on the internet but I am confused about this situation. I have only been dating a girl for 2 months but I really do like her. I'm 31 and she is 32. She is going through a separation with her husband and they have 2 children together. They separated last summer. Over the 2 months the relationship seemed to be going fine. She seemed to be really into me. She even introduced me to her parents within the first month but have not met the children. Anyways to make a long story short one morning I woke up and read an email i got from her. In it she stated that she likes me and feels we are compatible in many ways and sees us going somewhere. BUT that she feels overwhelmed by everything that is going on in her separation. She also ended the relationship status on facebook. She said she still want to see me on a casual basis until she gets her head straight. She also said she didn't not mean for this to be a "breakup" email but rather a take it "slower" email. She did all this without talking about it in person. I called her asking if we could talk about this in person. She said she didn't want too.
I guess my question is do you think she is being genuine? My friends think it wasn't cool how she went about sending me the email and ending the relationship status on FB without talking about it in person. They think I should just forget about her and move on. I really do like her and want to give her the benefit of the doubt. Since she sent the email a week ago she still chats with me online and sends me texts. She even stated that she missed me in one of the text. What do you think i should do? Give her a chance or move on and forget about her? What does talking it slow even mean?

Oh yeah and to clarify she was the one who brought up the boyfriend/girlfriend talk to begin with and was the one who posted the FB relationship status. So I guess that's why I'm confused about this slow down thing.

[tommy89]

Holy **** I think i figured it out!!!

Anyways I'm totally confused and almost sick to my stomach now. First of all this girl I was seeing now says that she would like to continue seeing me. I asked her does this mean we will be seeing each other exclusively and she said yes. Lately she has been saying because of stress and everything that is going on she does not feel like being intimate with me. Here is the kicker, I just looked at her Plentyoffish profile and as it turns out it now states she is looking for a female for dating!!!! Yes that's right. I knew beforehand that she had been with 1 girl years before and a few months ago had a 3some with another female and a guy. What the hell do i do now? Do I confront her with this? Do I just bail now without saying anything? OMG I turned a girl lesbian!!! Funny I know but right now I'm literal nauseous.

[yasna]

You can't "turn" someone lesbian. If you need closure - then confront her. If it were me, I'd probably just be done with it, and let it go. There are other women out there.

Easier said than done, of course, I know.

[marmalade]

Hi Tommy

That sounds painful!
Firstly, if she's been in the marriage since she was much younger, she may feel that she's never really got to be herself, so right now, despite the fact she clearly likes you, she maybe's maybe doing what feels right for her, even though it's selfish.
If she's had kids too, then she probably hasn't had a chance to really enjoy herself for a while.

My advice, for what it's worth! would be to really think about things from her perspective. It's normal to need time after a relationship breakup, especially when there are children involved which means this is a major break-up situation that she's coping with. Sometimes when you've broken up up from a really serious relationship, it makes you feel like a little child and you feel this need to build your confidence. I would say that she's doing the right thing by exploring what she really wants. And she's definitely being honest with you. However, no-one wants to get into a relationship from a place where they feel vulnerable, t's always best to get involved when you feel you've got your act together. So even though you're ready, she maybe isn't right now.
Understanding things from her perspective will help you to feel less frustrated and hurt, but even more important, if you communicate this understanding to her and show that you're mature and patient, you'll come across as pretty special. So make the effort to think yourself into her shoes and it'll hopefully all turn out right.
Good luck!