Do women play hard to get?

[TheSingleGuy]

I've read that book, I think it was called "The Rules" or something. Basically, the instructions were to tell the guy you have plans when he asks you out. Then, the other day, I was listening to Sirius, it might have been Cosmo Radio, but any way, they were talking about how this girl landed Leonardo DiCaprio by following the instructions in that book.

When a girl flakes out at the last minute, could that be playing hard to get? I ran into this girl about 2 years after my divorce. This girl would agree to meet me for drinks or agree to go to a baseball game with me or whatever...she'd agree to meet me out for a date. Then, she would cancel out at the last minute. I'd tell myself, that's it, I'm definitely not pursuing her anymore. A few days would go by, or even a week, and then she'd start texting me again. Eventually, I'd get on the phone, ask her out, she'd agree and then do the same thing over with me again. She tormented me to no end. Finally, she ended up sleeping with me once about six months after I met her. Then, one night when I was trying to get her to meet me out, on my way home, around midnight or so, she sends me this text saying "I met a new guy, I'm gonna miss you.". I was so upset, I actually cried. I even sent her back a text saying "I cry now" and she texted back she did't believe me.

So this touch and go bs go on for another year. The following summer, she slept with me twice, but my ex-girlfriend was begging me to take her back. I ended up dissing this girl for my ex-girlfriend, because my ex was always cool, never flamed on me and I also really wanted to kind of get even with this girl for being so mean to mean all those times. Eventually, I ended up breaking up with the ex and I called this girl. I don't know what it is about her, but I still feel really crazy about her. I think it is because she's been so hard to get, honestly.

So about a month ago she agreed to have pizza with me the next night, and of course, about an hour or so beforehand, she texts to cancel n me.

I kind of made a promise to myself last fall/winter to start telling women like this to f-off before they end up breaking my heart. So far this year, I've already done this with four women.

Now I'm beginning to wonder if maybe I shouldn't be throwing in the towel so soon? Maybe they're really into but think they are playing hard to get by flaking on me at the last minute?

I am very confused. From my perspective, it looks like they're simply not interested. But that makes no reconciliation in my head because women I've dated have told me things like "You should be dating a 10" and "You could have any woman you want.". Stuff like that. I am SO CONFUSED.

This last girl, I met her about a month ago. Waited 3days to call her, as recommended by most women. She agreed to go to a baseball game with me and then sends me a text 3hours before hand to cancel with some lame excuse. I knew she was canceling on me when she didn't pick up the phone. I've been thru this so many times before, I've learned to spot the pattern. So I text her instructions on where to meet me, and then of course, she texts me back the last minute cancellation. I decided not to respond back. 10 days went by, and of course, this is driving me nuts. Not as bad as it used to, because now days, I'm way more used to it. Of course, during those 10 days, she never contacts me one time. It's as if she truly just doesn't give a flying f***. So on day 10, I text her "Happy Wednesday". She immediately texts back "Who is this?". So I text back "You really don't know? You deleted my number?". So anyway, she texts back "Is this ****?". Anyway, she is too busy to see me on the day proposed, I text back "ok" and plan to just try to forget about her. Then, she texts back "When else are you free?". So we have our first date. She shows up, everything s going fine until: She compliments me on my easy going nature. I like that. Then, she says something along the lines of "Yeah, I blew you off and you didn't even seem to mind.". WOW!!! That totally sent me over the edge. I mean, I asked her out, she agreed, cancelled at the last minute with a bs text msg excuse. Instead of saying how sorry she was that she did that, she has the nerve to say she blew me off????

I got so mad, tried to hide my anger, but asked for the check, walked her out to the parking lot, looked at my wrist, said "look at the time. I really gotta get going, shook her hand and took off. I was so pissed. About an hour later, I sent her a text "You are mean" then I deleted her number.

Sooooo...do girls play hard to get? I will admit, it does work to make me way more attracted, but I think women begin to sense power from this and quickly start abusing it.

[Kyrina]

Not all women but some yes, the same as some guys do the same to women.Dont give up on them all and dont let this pattern apply to all women.

[TheSingleGuy]

Thanks. Have you ever heard of women second guessing themselves, like, I played hard to get, pretended to be uninterested with this guy and he stopped pursuing me. I wish he'd call again, but I guess I ran him off. Anyone ever heard a woman complain about this? I am just curious. It just seems so f***ed up. I mean, I meet these women, they seem to be attracted, I get their numbers and then they just act like they could care less. I'd guess that easily 50% of my first dates, since the divorce, have ended up like this, with the woman flaking on me at the last minute. And it's not like I'm only talking to them for 3 minutes and asking for their numbers. Typically, before I'll ask for a number, there's been at least an hour of good conversation, often times way more. Like I say, it used to really eat me up, but now days, I am getting used to it. I think my heart and emotions are getting numb.

[laura__x]

Coming from a woman's point of view, they like to feel pursued so might be letting you down so they can gauge whether you care, and in turn whether your worth the effort.

But I never cancel, I'm just late etc. just stand up for yourself, but emphasise that you really wanted to see her etc, then she'll know you were serious about it.

[TheSingleGuy]

Women like to feel pursued, so they play hard to get. Let's see...the guy has to have the stones to ask for the number. The guy has to initiate the first contact. The guy has to plan the date. The guy has to call the girl and ask her out. The guy has to pay for the date. The guy has to make the first move for the first kiss. All of this, every step along the way, is another risk of rejection.

If that isn't pursuit, I guess I am pretty clueless. But then again, I'm a guy.

So the girl wants to pretend to be uninterested, flake at the last minute, basically be a bitch, and the only guys who make it through this ridiculous screening process are desperate losers with no other female options.

I thought that was the reason we weren't supposed to call them too soon after we get a number, because if we call too soon, we're a desperate, clingy, needy loser with no other female options. So calling too soon is desperate, but continuing pursuit after she acts like a complete bitch is not desperate, that's romantic.

I AM SO CONFUSED!

[Red Apollo]

If they cancel on me twice in a row and don't try to make other plans, I just assume they aren't that interested or are playing games. It's not worth wasting time over.

[Phoenix23]

You seem to be having terrible luck. Are there no women out there who are genuine and not looking to play games?

[tremolo]

It does sound like you're having bad luck, and like these girls are being bitches - however, even you admit your'e crazy about them because of it. Maybe if they didn't act that way, you would have bailed on them long before they bailed on you?

[Rollingwithlife]

Honestly I wouldn't even bother with those types. It sounds silly to base a long term serious relationship on some game that people want to play. Not to mention, who knows what other games they'll pull on you even after you get into a relationship if that's the foundation for it - it'd likely be more tempting for them to get what they want if it worked once already.

[Lulu]

I can tell you EXACTLY what is going on here... you get the women's interest initially- they say yes to getting to know you and you probably get over eager! Are you texting them DAILY or worse yet- multiple times daily? I get these... "good morning", "good night", "how's your day" texts from guys right off the bat BEFORE the first freaking date and it freaks me out! I can't decide whether they are desperate or if I am pre-judging them. Either way- NOT GOOD. And neither is the "you are so hot, gorgeous, beautiful" comments NON-STOP. Maybe you give off a desperate vibe? Try to hold back a little, keep your cool and keep your emotions at bay INITIALLY. After three dates you can start to open up a little more but I am guessing that this is the problem...

[TheSingleGuy]

Lulu,

I totally get where you are coming from, I made a promise to myself during the first year oF my divorce that I would never ever again, under any circumstances, ever compliment a woman on her beauty again. I waited 3 days to contact her after I got her number. As for texting or calling too much, that wasn't a problem either, I am certain.

This last bitch I went on a date with, a month after we met, because she flaked two weeks earlier, shows up, and then brags about "blowing me off". I was so pissed, I wanted to walk out right then and there but I had to wait for the check and all that bullshit. Looking back, I should have just walked out and called the manager the next day.

[tremolo]

I made a promise to myself during the first year oF my divorce that I would never ever again, under any circumstances, ever compliment a woman on her beauty again.

That's one way to ensure the women won't be sticking around.

I waited 3 days to contact her after I got her number.

That Swingers rule is really lame, if you ask me. If I don't hear from a guy within a day or two of giving him my number, I am far more likely to write him off. I'd much rather go out with the guy who showed immediate interest/appreciation.

[sadie_genie]

She might not be playing hard to get; she might just not be that interested. I am guilty of doing some of these things and honestly it is because I am just not that interested. I might have liked the attention initially but I didn't intend to date them. Consequently, they ended up looking like a bunch of idiots blowing up my phone and just can't let go. Not because they genuinely like me but because I have triggered an animal/hunter switch in them.

[TheSingleGuy]

++++She might not be playing hard to get; she might just not be that interested.++++

Maybe that's it, but why would these women still go out on dates with me and even sleep with me?

I've found that if I don't give up after they flake on the first date, they'll usually sleep with me.

I've never blown up a woman's phone. I firmly believe that showing too much interest, as a guy, it's one of the worst mistakes we can make.

++++That Swingers rule is really lame, if you ask me. If I don't hear from a guy within a day or two of giving him my number, I am far more likely to write him off. I'd much rather go out with the guy who showed immediate interest/appreciation.++++

Thanks, I think I'll adjust that to two days then. So, I meet a girl on a Friday evening, for example, I'll call her sometime Sunday. I don't know. A female friend of mine said she was with her male friend, he met a girl on a Thursday night, and she told him to call her Sunday night. That's the third day. But it sounds like we can get blown off just as easily for waiting too long. I guess 2 days after getting the number sounds like the safest thing. Maybe this one flaked on me because I waited 3 days to try contacting her instead of 2.

Trying to figure out why I got blown off is absolute guess work and it drives me crazy.

[sadie_genie]

++++She might not be playing hard to get; she might just not be that interested.++++

Maybe that's it, but why would these women still go out on dates with me and even sleep with me?

I've found that if I don't give up after they flake on the first date, they'll usually sleep with me.

It is an attention thing and sometimes people get lonely. You are making excuses to feel a sense of security. Sometimes, it is good for the girl that she can get attention whenever she wants. But sometimes, I just wish these guys would be a little wiser so I can have some respect for them.