Is She Holding Out to Get Back Together?

[shheadz]

Long story short (There are longer threads here if you want to dig for them): Dated a wonderful girl that I work with for only 2 months. I broke it off with her a week ago because I felt she was losing interest in me, and she would probably drag the "loveless" relationship out (Like she has with previous boyfriends) to avoid hurting my feelings. She seemed very ok with the breakup (Did it over text message like we usually communicate, so hard to tell her exact feelings). I almost immediately felt like a freakin' ass, and asked if we could get back together. She said, "I thought about it, and I don't think so".

Here's why I think she might expect us to get back together after a little time apart.

• I have things at her house (Guitar, clothes, etc) and she hasn't given them back yet. We work together, and I live right next to were we work. She drives past my house on the way to work, and we're on friendly terms right now. She could easily drop the stuff off.
  Flip side: I haven't asked for the stuff back, and she's not the kind of person that would really think about it. Plus, I haven't gone over to her place to get the stuff.
  
• She still wants to do things together. I went to thanksgiving dinner with her folks after the breaking up. She asked me to, and before I could think about it I said ok. She wanted me to go to dinner tomorrow with her folks. I said no. Last night she asked me to go out and have some drinks with her. I said no. I kept saying "no", because I'm not interested in being friends with her if that's what she's trying to do.
  Flip side: She has exes that are still "good friends" with her. I think she likes to turn exes into friends.
  
• She hasn't told anyone that we've broken up. Not family, friends, co-workers. No one. In fact, around work she's still acting like we're still together.
  Flip side: We also waited over a month to tell anyone at work that we were dating. She likes to keep her personal business to herself.
  
• I told her last night in a text message that I planned on moving to NY in January. The conversation went something like this, Her: "Whatever". Me: "Well, I'm excited, and wanted to tell someone". Her: "Well I'm not excited". Me: "What's wrong?". Her: "Nothing. Do what you want". Me: "Did I do something wrong here?" Her: "Just forget about it".
  Flip side: I don't have a flip side here. I'm completely dumbfounded by that whole conversation.

I do want to get back together with her. She's a very stubborn, prideful girl, and wouldn't come right out and ask to get back together. She'd probably expect me to make the first move. However I'll be very hurt if I do make a move, and she rejects it.

[damn2008]

The "Forget about it" stuff means shes got something on her mind about it, but just doesn't want to say it...or she just wants to draw you in. That's a typical game that girls play. I hate it.

I can't really blame her for not wanting to get back with you after 2 months of dating. That's barely anything at all....

[vashti]

The "Forget about it" stuff means shes got something on her mind about it, but just doesn't want to say it...or she just wants to draw you in. That's a typical game that girls play. I hate it.

I do that sometimes. It's not always a "game". Sometimes it is best to keep your thoughts to yourself when what you are thinking of saying will have no good ending.

[shheadz]

Sometimes it is best to keep your thoughts to yourself when what you are thinking of saying will have no good ending.

But what could the "no good ending" be in a situation like that?

[shheadz]

blah.. She just called out asked to out for some drinks. I said yes. I don't know what she's up to.. If she's trying to do the friend thing, or if she's trying to get back together without actually talking about what happened, but I guess I won't know unless I go out with her.

[carl1222]

Hey, it's worth a shot. Use the "date" as an opportunity to let her know in no uncertain terms that you aren't interested in being "just a friend."

I'm not sure whether a relationship between you two is really going anywhere. If the "gut feeling" that made you break it off in the first place was wrong, then you aren't the guy for her. If it was right, then she's not the girl for you. I suspect that you both have problems with the defensive walls you have built around yourselves.

Carl.

[vashti]

But what could the "no good ending" be in a situation like that?

well, if a guy I wasn't interested in getting back together with me said he was going to move to NY in January after he tried getting back together, i would think it a ploy to try and make me desperate for him, and I might respond "whatever". If pressed further, i might just say "forget about it" rather than putting him on the spot by telling him what I really thought.

I don't know what's going through her mind, though.... this is the 21 year old girl and the 33 year old guy we are talking about, right?

[shheadz]

I'd say it's pretty officially over. We had a good time at the bar last night, and she was doing a lot of flirting with me. She told me she didn't want me to move, or she wanted to come with me. Long story short, we ended up having sex last night.

Today I sent her a text message to clarify that I'm not doing some kind of friend thing with her, if that was her intention. I mean, the hook-up could have been the alcohol, so I wanted to find out what she was really getting at. A long texting argument ensued. I don't know whether she just wanted to be friends or something more, but she certainly didn't like me telling her that being over really means being over. There is no in between.

So I'm done. I don't know why I was even trying so hard to get back together with her. I've deleted her number, her email address, all that stuff. It's more of a symbolic gesture though since we still have to work together.

--
BTW - She had a complete and total emotional break down in the middle of the sex, like she has in the past. I know now that I just can't help her with her issues, and it's another reason that I can't understand why I was trying to get back together with her. Actually, I do.. It's when I wake up in the morning and look at her sleeping.. such an angel.. just makes me fall in love with her all over again.