Un-messing of messed up guys?

[anna_angel]

Ok so I’ll try and keep this brief. Get tired of reading long posts myself ☺.

For those of you who can't be bothered reading it all here's a short question: If a guy says he's not in love with you, what are the chances he might change his mind if he in all his actions show that he really cares for you?


So I like this guy. He just to live where I do, but now he works away so isn’t here all too often. When I first met him he had a girlfriend, so I never contemplated it, but to be fair it took me about a year to know him enough to call him a friend and about another six months before I started liking him. It was at a party, we both felt attracted to each other but nothing happened. Later I asked him for coffee to find out what was going on and we ended up making out. Then later he tells me he’s not up for a relationship for a variety of reasons, like that he’s not been single for a long time and wants to be for a while, before he’s “too old” for it. He’s also resigned from his job and is moving too a new place. So lots of unknowns. The thing is, after this he started pursuing me a lot through text messages.

The more I talk to him the more I understand that it’s probably not a good idea for us to be in a relationship right now. I’m in a similarily unknown place to where he is, just about to decide on my future careers, looking for a job, not knowing where I’ll end up etc.

Despite what he’s said about all this, everytime we’re in the same place we see each other, usually spending all the possible time together. We have sex, which might not be the brightest thing, but we just can’t keep our hand off each other there is so much attraction. He tried for a while not to sleep with me because he didn’t want to lead me on/hurt me, but that didn’t make either of us any happier and so didn’t last long. Anyway, it’s not just sex we talk all the time (when we’re together) about everything and I feel like I know him much better everytime he’s been.

We’re such a comfort to each other though. Every time we’re together it’s like a little bubble in which we can both forget all the crap in the world. At the moment this is the nicest thing in my life.

Despite all the good things about us he hasn’t changed his mind about a relationship, but now I know him better I feel it’s more about his life being so insecure at the moment, he doesn’t want to make commitments or demands. I understand him and I don’t want to pressure him, because I feel that would just turn away from me completely and I don’t know if I could cope. I’d like to think that maybe at some point in the future we can be a couple.

Apart from what he’s said, I know he cares for me very much. I get sad sometimes when we talk about this, and I know he feels really bad about hurting me. He’s always saying nice things about me and the other day I had a fight with my flat mate and I ended up crying on his shoulder for hours, he was really supportive.

He’s said that he likes me a lot (in so many different ways) but that he’s not in love with me. Could that change? Do you guys think there’s a chance that in the future we could be a couple, or is this final? If you think there might be a chance, what do you think is the best way to act so that he’ll come back to me. I know this sounds pathetic, I just need someone’s objective opinion.

Thank you so much ☺

Anna

[anna_angel]

First of all, what you said in the other forum really irritated me, but now that I see that you're clearly just an ass, I'm going to let it go as you're a waste of my breath.

[raptor5618]

You went into the relationship knowing that he was not interested in a commitment and that is what you are getting. Much easier for a guy to just have fun with a girl and never really get into it emotionally. Maybe he will or maybe he won't but what you need to figure out is if you want to continue on in the current way. If you want more, well you may get it some day but it seems to me that you will not.

If things are so great when you are together and the sex so hot why would he want to be totally uncommitted. Sounds like it has been a long time so my guess is that you are fun to be with and good in bed but do not spark that other part that make you have feelings for someone.

But to stick around hoping he will figure out that you two belong together in my view is not such a good idea. If you like the company and the sex and you can accept that that is all that it is then have a ball. Only you know which way you want it to go so decide based upon what it is not what you think it might become.

Your imagination of the future is just that imaginary so he could turn into the best companion or a evil slob that beats the hell out of you and no amount of imagining can ever predict what the future really would be. Live in the today and you will be much better off.