Need advice on possessiveness...

[TADA]

Alright, so I am going out with this girl and I am having some personal problems...I think I am being much too possessive. I feel panic at any time I dont know what she is doing and all that. I was about to screw it all up yesterday, but she said she understands that I had a bad day and still wants to go out with me....i.e. I caught myself at the end and dropped it.

Now I would like to know what to do to be more...laid back? I like her very much and I know this is my fault and all...

It all stems from the fact that her ex keeps calling her and I dont like that. But after a while, I thought about it...if it were me, I couldnt get myself to tell an ex to stop calling me...it's just very impolite....and I cannot ask her to just tell him to stop calling her.

She tells me that she loves me and all...it's just that if 99% is positive in my mind, that 1% will drive me nuts.

SO yeah, any ideas on how to keep myself calmER? lol

thanks ahead of time.

[Illusional]

first off... trust is the main thing if you want to hold your relationship together. you can't hound her everytime she doesn't return your call or everytime she wants to spend time with her friends and not with you.

secondly, telling off an ex is easy.. but not telling off an ex because you still care for them is a different story. i guess that won't help your possessive issues huh?

raverboy

[TADA]

first off... trust is the main thing if you want to hold your relationship together. you can't hound her everytime she doesn't return your call or everytime she wants to spend time with her friends and not with you.

secondly, telling off an ex is easy.. but not telling off an ex because you still care for them is a different story. i guess that won't help your possessive issues huh?

raverboy

Yeah, I trust her. As I said, it's just a mental problem that I have that I try to fight all the damn time lol. =.=

And nah, she is just like that. She still have all her exes in MSN and talks to them whenever they want to talk to her. And to tell you the truth, I cannot say no when my ex wants to talk to me either...it just feels wrong to tell them to **** off or anything like that...

[bloodtippedrose]

If you trust her you shouldnt care. Laissez-faire!!!!

You have to trust her and know shes doing the right thing and if she doesnt and is doing what you dread then oh well! screw her! date me!

hmm.. one step too far there..

[vashti]

For some reason, I never had a problem getting rid of an ex. I certainly wouldn't want their continued presence to be a source of discomfort for my new boyfriend, and once we were over, we were OVER.

Anyway, there is no way to "solve" a jealousy issue other than to outgrow it. I think that you need to monitor your behavior rather than your emotions. No one ever said you can't *feel* jealous, what you need to avoid is letting anyone else know you are feeling it. You know, fake it. It gets easier with practice.

[Gigabitch]

For some reason, I never had a problem getting rid of an ex. I certainly wouldn't want their continued presence to be a source of discomfort for my new boyfriend, and once we were over, we were OVER.

Yup. Any exes I had hanging around were guys I wasn't entirely done with. You're not wrong to be upset by this.

You can't go around acting like a monkey, though. First of all, it's unattractive. Makes you look like you aren't confident you can hold on to her. Also, she probably doesn't like seeing Mr. Frowny Face so much.

I think you may have overinvested yourself in this relationship.

[bohemiandonut]

Yup. Any exes I had hanging around were guys I wasn't entirely done with. You're not wrong to be upset by this.

You can't go around acting like a monkey, though. First of all, it's unattractive. Makes you look like you aren't confident you can hold on to her. Also, she probably doesn't like seeing Mr. Frowny Face so much.

I think you may have overinvested yourself in this relationship.

Yeah man, who cares if she's secretly plotting her next sexual move for once you prove yourself too weak for her? Are you so insecure that you can't instead reverse the social dynamic on her ass and break down her little Ex-inflated ego into a submissive mess of feminine biology? If so, you have a LOT to learn my friend. Time to put the war paint on, the battle of love has begun, and there can only be one victor in this game.

[Junket]

Yeah, I trust her.

Don't lie to yourself.

If you're getting worked up over this, you don't trust her.

And quite frankly, neither would I.

[Mathias]

Don't lie to yourself.

If you're getting worked up over this, you don't trust her.

And quite frankly, neither would I.

Me neither.