I can't believe it I am such a fool!

[msboss]

Hello everyone,

Sorry this is a long one I hope someone has time to read it.

Me and my boyfriend started dating in September 2008; just before we entered into the relationship he told me that he had a ‘friends with benefits’ arrangement with a woman who he had known for six years.

He said that he didn’t want to end it right away because he wasn’t sure how she was going to take it (mentally) and that now wouldn’t be the right time to tell her because her father was seriously ill in hospital. We both agreed on this. However a little later down the line I noticed that there were a lot of telephone calls between them and he would never answer her call if I was there.

One day we were both in the bedroom getting ready to perform our stuff when I noticed a clear bite mark on his right shoulder. I knew for a fact that it wasn’t me who put it there because I don’t do pain and I most certainly do not do blood of that kind, this teeth mark was right down in his flesh - my gosh. I asked him about it and he said that I done it! Like an idiot I didn’t comment any further as I knew the truth and I didn’t want to argue with him. It just made it so very clear how easily a liar he can be. I battled with myself for the longest time with this before coming to the decision to let it slide as it was real early in the relationship and it was a mistake.

Anyway in December he had to go away with some family members for just over two weeks. When he returned early January he told his friendly friend about me and insisted that it was over between them. I felt good inside about, relieved even as it showed commitment. However a week later he said that she wanted to meet him for her 50th Birthday and he agreed to meet her, I just could not believe how he thought that this was OKAY? Because inside it was cutting me to pieces, I was unable to fully concentrate and became very sensitive to the point where I just wanted to cry over anything and everything.

I expressed how I felt about the situation and somehow I agreed on them meeting on the terms that this was the final and very last meeting that was ever going to occur and that it was just simple birthday lunch. After this she continued to call and send text messages up until today.

In February he had a female friend who came form abroad to get some medical attention as she was unwell the illness was not life threatening in any way. He told me that they once lived together but they were just mates, in fact she was originally a mate of his mate and somehow ended up his good mate and not the other mates good mate. He told me that nothing had ever gone on between them and it was purely plutonic. He introduced me to her, she seemed a bit stand my ground-ish meaning that when she said to me that ‘ah I have known X for 10 years’ it felt like it was said in a way that it implied ‘she has known my boyfriend longer than me so she knows him better than me (raised eyebrows).

Anyway during her stay she remained at my boyfriend’s house she was kind enough to leave the house on Valentines Day. She didn’t appear to be unwell going from place to place and arranging all sorts of get togethers with all the mates. Eventually it was time for her to go home and once again I was relieved but somehow it just felt like I was starting the relationship all over again with a little less enthusiasm . But I got through it and come back even stronger.

Anyway we had between March and June just over four lovely months together where I was filled with so much hope and excitement about our relationship but most of all I was sincerely thinking that ‘this guy is one, he’s the one for me, the one I would so happily marry and have children with’. Then in July 09 (this month) his friend came back from abroad again and stayed at his this time apparently for one of their friends wedding where my boyfriend and his friend had an invitation to attend together.

(the more I write this the more I feel like a f&^king idot)

Anyway the wedding has come and gone and there were arrangements for us all to meet up at my partner’s house for 10pm. I travelled from mine to his to find that no one was there so I called his mobile phone and there was no answer so I started to walk back to the train station real slow. I called his mobile again and he answered telling me that he will be at his in five minutes, so I turned round and started to walk back to his. He was standing outside his house looking for me as I approached him I saw his friend in the front seat of the car, instantly I was fuming I was expecting her to get out from the seat and get in the back – she didn’t. (I now need to take a deep breath as I recall this whole scenario in my mind).

I climbed into the back of the car without a sound and said hello to her and a friend also in the back of the car. I was really upset but not just at her at my other half as well for allowing it. The night was cut short as the friend from abroad said that she was unwell I think we were all ready to leave anyway. On the way back we dropped off his unwell friend, she asked him to carry in a bag that he had in the boot, I was expecting him to take out a big suitcase or something but it was no more than a light Primemark paper bag. In my eye’s she seemed to be standing up right perfectly well and even managed to carry her handbag into the house without a problem.

He got back in the car and we dropped off his other mate. On the journey back to mine I had to question him, so I asked as follows:

*Does she pay rent when she stays = No

*Can she stay at other friends houses = Yes, but she chooses to stay at his because she likes it there :0) ahhh how nice is that :0/

*How long has it been since she was in a relationship = she doesn’t do relationships unless it’s within her own culture so she now only does friendly friend relationships until then.

Over the weekend she went to a family member’s home where she became even more unwell. She then travelled back to my boyfriend’s home and told him that she was too sick to fly and with her symptoms travel was not allowed. So her travel date is now Saturday 1st August 2009. I don’t understand why she returned back from her family member’s home to her friends if she was so unwell, I mean I would have stayed with the family members. Would you go back to your mates house just to remain ill?

I don't feel like his girlfriend, right now I just feel so broken hearted, so angry, so much like a fool. I have a little voice in my head telling me to distance myself, distance myself

The other problem I have is he does more for this woman then he does for me and I am supposed to be his girlfriend. He will paint certain parts of the wall where it has gotten a little dirty, really tidy up in preparation for when she arrives, yes you tidy your home when your expecting visitors but there are limits as to how far you will go with the tidying…painting parts of the wall??? I’m not so sure about this.

Initially when she came over I was told that it was because she was unwell, the second time I was told that it was because of the wedding, I then felt that there was a lot more to it then that so I asked again a little later down the line and my boyfriend told me she comes over twice a year. This part was misled and missed out totally in the beginning of the relationship. All he said to me was that he has a lot of female friends.

I’ve meet some of his family and they are such lovely people. It’s not everyday you meet people and you feel at home with them.

My boyfriend is really excited about our relationship he keeps reminding me that it will soon be our first anniversary in September and I was thinking about going away for a short break just the both of us. The thing is we have never spent no more than three consecutive months together without disturbance, when his friend comes over she stays for two weeks at a time, now she is unwell and still at my other half’s house.

Do I have a right for feeling for this way? I am not the usual jealous type and all these feelings have not come out of the blue. My boyfriend was supposed to come over and stay by mine tomorrow but I cancelled because I had a thought and it was:

Nothing will happen that he won’t allow to happen – and with this thought a load of tears came rushing to my eye’s.

I can honestly say that I love this man, I have never connected with anyone the way I have done so with him. Speaking with him, spending any time with him just makes my heart beat so deeply for him. I really want this to work.

Can anyone advise on the situation?

[Asip4u]

Damn that was a long read! Ok, from all that you said, it seems like your b/f is a huge liar...How you are letting him get away with all these things is beyond me..Don't you love yourself at all? Breaking off his 'fwb' because he didn't want to hurt her feelings and some illness excuse is just pathetic...You deserve better then this guy so get rid of the loser! Don't make any excuses for him and don't start off with 'i love him'...You will never be happy with a guy who treats you this way.

[jimmy1200]

Yup gotta agree, long read, but I made it.

Like thats unreal about not wanting to tell his fcuk buddy straight away and let her down gently? WTF?!

It does seem like he's full of lies and not trustworthy, I'd take a step back and have a good long look at your relationship, like you say you got so mad after what your typing, thats because YOU ARE RIGHT.

[Yggdrasil]

In my opinion you should take a long break from your b/f, maybe go visit your family or so, and carefully think about your relation with him.

Obviously he has no problem lying to you. That should tell you something.