to the ladies!!!

[habubbles]

so i have a problem. i love my gf to death. i think that she is beatiful, and that shee looks great. except that she called me last night, crying over the phone telling me that she hates the way she looks. she tells me that all her friends are skinny and they dont have to work to get a good looking body. on the other hand my gf goes to the gym religiosly, and she still hates the way shee looks. i tell her shes beautiful and she looks gorgeous. she told me that she cant believe me when i tell her that she looks beautiful. i dont now what else to do... i'm stumped. fyi.. this has been goin on for probab ly most of our relationship.

[lesa]

Tell her that if she does not increase her self esteem and perception of her image she will lose her boyfriend. joking....







sorta

[sine24]

this is a problem for A LOT of females and unfortunately for some, it's a life sentence.

this is not your fault by any means. poor body image plagues most women. many believe that losing weight= looking great, but beauty exudes from inside. she's lacking a clear perception of what reality is.

perhaps try taking her to a spa treatment for some pampering.

DO NOT overload her with compliments, she'll just keep wanting more from you..but what she needs is self-confidence and learn to love herself.

[lesa]

A lot of women may have that problem but the major issue I see is that she is constantly going to him to get some type of confident boost. I wouldn't pamper her.

No one likes to be around a person that complains all the time. She should change what can be changed or shut up (stop talking about it). That's very annoying.

[IndiReloaded]

Your GFs hormones are basically going crazy right now. One of the things that her hormones causes her to do is compare herself to other girls. Its just part of biology; from puberty on into womanhood, females will make mental comparisons of how they 'rate' vs. other females. Its not just looks, tho that's the one girls tend to focus on. Its also things like intelligence and social skills & status.

The best thing you can do is just listen to her. Don't judge & dont give advice. Just reinforce that you like her for who she is, not just how she looks. Some women rely very heavily on looks to obtain a sense of their self-esteem, tho. See if you can't remind her of her other good traits also. Remind her also that her exercise is a healthy habit to have, not just for keeping thin.

Anyway, its a phase & it will pass.

[habubbles]

should i try and make her feel sexy once in awhile??? if soo how??

[Tedel]

Tell her that, above all, healthy-looking women are the most attractive females.

[1averagejoe]

Man all these threads are beginning to sound like my ex...

Really telling her she looks beautiful isn't going to do jack shit. Just tell her you like her for who she is. Indi gave great advice.

Also if she's really looking to lose weight, get out of the gym. Go running or cycling with her. It's all about cardio. Ask her if she wants to go running or out on a bike ride with you.

[Dasein]

I think a lot of women don't respond as positively as expected when their partner tells them they are beautiful. Woman (mostly) dress for other women and tend to value compliments originating from other women. Women also nit pick about their bodies. They will focus on one area and obsess over it.

I know my partner tells me I am beautiful first thing in the morning and it aint a pretty site

I know this suggestion may be a tad controversial but why not pick out things on her perfect friends that you don't like. If they are super skinny maybe say you think a more shapely figure is nicer.

Other than this I don't know really what to suggest. It sounds like her self esteem is a bit low. Maybe she could do a course like NLP to help her gain inner strength because really the majority of the problem is originating in her mind.

[vashti]

I think this has much less to do about her appearance than you think. She has poor self-esteem because she is entirely too focused on her looks (as indi indicated). She needs to find something more valuable to do with her time that will improve her self-esteem on a more fundatmental level. Volunteer work for a meaningful organization is a great way to feel better about yourself.

Aside from that, I agree with Lesa that this would get to be annoying, and she needs to knock it off.

[sarah_rsl]

Well we still don't know if she's overweight? Get her BMI calculated and then she'll know for a fact whether she can lose weight.

Anywho its not fair for her to dump this whole low self esteem issue on you and you shouldn't indulge it. If there's a real problem I'm sure you'll help her deal with it, but if its not just tell her she's being a silly moo.

[vashti]

I don't think her weight is a consideration. Plenty of overweight people don't have self esteem problems to this extent. I mean, sure - they'd like to look better, but they don't burst out into tears because they don't.

[Car Chick]

Keep telling her that. I was like that before too. But my (well new ex) boyfriend kept telling me how pretty I was. He insisted I was perfect. I kept thinking he was crazy, but eventually, after he kept telling me it over and over and insisting I really was just fine. I finally believed him. The guy I am in love with now almost has me really believeing it too. (after the first guy I talked about dumped me all the "you're so pretty" stuff lost it's edge. But the point is just keep telling her and she will believe you eventually).

[Car Chick]

Well we still don't know if she's overweight? Get her BMI calculated and then she'll know for a fact whether she can lose weight.

Anywho its not fair for her to dump this whole low self esteem issue on you and you shouldn't indulge it. If there's a real problem I'm sure you'll help her deal with it, but if its not just tell her she's being a silly moo.

Unfair? That's her boyfriend, he's supposed to be there for her. Besides, if anyone can make her feel good about herself it's a guy. Eventually she'll realize that he wouldnt' be wtih her if he wasn't attracted to her.

[Car Chick]

Your GFs hormones are basically going crazy right now. One of the things that her hormones causes her to do is compare herself to other girls. Its just part of biology; from puberty on into womanhood, females will make mental comparisons of how they 'rate' vs. other females. Its not just looks, tho that's the one girls tend to focus on. Its also things like intelligence and social skills & status.

The best thing you can do is just listen to her. Don't judge & dont give advice. Just reinforce that you like her for who she is, not just how she looks. Some women rely very heavily on looks to obtain a sense of their self-esteem, tho. See if you can't remind her of her other good traits also. Remind her also that her exercise is a healthy habit to have, not just for keeping thin.

Anyway, its a phase & it will pass.

It's not a phase when she's that upset over it. She really doesn't see herself as beautiful. But she can learn to see the beauty in herself, but she's got to learn to look at herself differently.