Sex Less Interesting When Going Out?

[r4nd0m]

Hello.

I have been going out with my girlfriend for abit over 2 years now. We used to have great sex. Before we were going out it was more frequent than it has been for the last year or so. It has also gotten very lazy and I often (99% of the time) find myself doing all the work, including turning both my and my girlfriend on.

When your in a long term relationship.. do you not get as excited about sex anymore. Because we are now going out is it less interesting for you to have sex? Does the drive disappear?

I have tried talking to her about this but she doesn't like me bringing it up.

A womanly incite into this would be good. Thanks

[miSSleepy]

Once you're past the honeymoon phase, sex does wane off a bit. At 2 years, you're definitely past it.
This isn't anything to be worried about, though, it's normal.

As time goes on, sex can often get to that mechanical stage, where you're that used to each other that it turns monotonous, you stick to the tried and tested.

Why don't YOU do something different? Maybe she's stuck in a rut as well and isn't brave enough to change anything. Often people are worried that if they acknowledge that something needs to be changed, it means something was wrong in the first place.

So, she's lying back and letting you do the work. But you're letting her lie back and let you do the work. Change positions, move away from the bed, use toys, massage oils, get her to sit on top and massage you while you're on the bottom, buy her lingerie to motivate her...

[r4nd0m]

Yeah i spose that is the case..

Thanks for the tips.. Moving it from the bed (and car) is something I have been thinking about just to change things up a bit. I did try the whole massage oil and hot bath with candles etc.. but I was told i'm "focusing to much on her" and it "puts her off". So she doesn't cum..

What do you think about playing hard to get sexually sort of thing.. like turn her down once or twice just saying im tired or not in the mood or something.. Get her revved up abit.. yay or nay?

Thanks for the quick reply.

[miSSleepy]

focusing too much on her...
actually, sounds like an insecurity issue on her part, maybe. That could be why she's not good at taking initiative.
I couldn't tell you if playing hard to get is a good idea or not, it depends on the girl. Some girls wouldn't be too happy and see it as rejection.

Who usually initiates sex? You or her? If it's her, how does she do it? Have you tried guiding her hand where you want her to touch you?

[r4nd0m]

mmm she has been saying she doesnt feel happy with her weight latley.. when we started going out i was the 'fat' one and i have turned that around quite a lot now.. she was always the hot skinny chick.. n the tables have sorta turned on that abit too.

i still find her very attractive and tell her but i dont think girlfriend believe when their boyfriends tell them they are sexy.. (even if their boners prove it!)

i usually (mostly) initiate it.. i ask her to do things for me .. but then i feel bad when she does.. it doesnt feel good for me when shes only doing it because i asked her, not because she wants too.

[miSSleepy]

Then it's something you need to talk to her about, whether she likes it or not.
Because if you leave it as is, one of you (or both) will feel resentment sooner or later. At the root of it is her insecurity and lack of willingness to communicate. Both could be serious issues in this relationship.

[Gigabitch]

I don't think this is about sex getting "boring". Sex is like eating. If you're eating really good food and spending quality time preparing it, you can always really enjoy a meal. It doesn't have to get less interesting.

I think there's something wrong with your girlfriend.

[kay90]

hmmm have you ever considered that maybe your girlfriend is having too much sex, but not with you? I mean that could be the case, I'm just being realistic. You should also consider that maybe she works too much so that when she gets home, let's say that you two live together, all she wants to do is to lay back and relax..

[girl68]

When your in a long term relationship.. do you not get as excited about sex anymore. Because we are now going out is it less interesting for you to have sex? Does the drive disappear?

I have tried talking to her about this but she doesn't like me bringing it up.

Why does she not like you bringing it up? That's a red flag. This is what I think:
-she thinks she shouldn't have to sexually engage you after such a long time
-she thinks that you should love her, not having sex with her (no matter what she's going to think that sex > her/ love)
-she was never all that interested in sex, but she was early so she could score you
-she doesn't think that sex is a fundamental act for a sucessful relationship
-she does not think this is a big deal

That said, like anything in a relationship- yes, it fades. The spark fades, the butterflies fade, the sex fades... with time its inevitable. HOWEVER, in any sucessful relationship BOTH parties need to take an active part to keep it going. It's work, it always has been, always will be.

I know that after 3 years, I'm still have porno style sack sessions with my man. I'm not lazy, and I do engage him often. And it's not an obligation either- I like it, I crave it, as does he. No, it's not like when we first hooked up sex everyday... but it is interesting, fun, regular, and satisfying!

I also have made it known that to me sex is everything. (well not literally, but if the sex isn't there- things will go sour and fast. So now he knows how much of a priority sex is to me. But your girl won't even listen to you. She thinks: if you don't talk about it, the problem doesn't exsist. She's in for a wake up call when you either cheat, or leave her. (opt for the 2nd should you choose to do something about it) Because I hate to break it to you, but even if she does "change" change in this matter is often temproary. You will find yourself back here time and time again complaining about the same thing.

[Gigabitch]

^^^ I love her. This is my favorite new poster.