Partner wont spend any time with me

[Lostgirlinlove]

Hey everybody I need advice for my current relationship problem that is causing me stress.
My partner and I have been living together for 3 months at his parents house. When we first moved in together things were great we would spend a lot if time together but lately I barely see him.
We both don't have jobs (he was laid off recently) and I left my job because of an inappropriate boss.
He wakes up usually at 12:30 then goes to gym for 2 hours and had training on Tuesday and Thursdays for 3 hours in the afternoon. Then he will go to his friends house at 7 sometimes later and stay till after 3am to smoke weed and play video games. Hence why he sleeps till 12:30pm. Might I add this is during the week not just on weekends. The little time we do have together which is an hour tops he is always on his phone on facebook or youtube.
In the last week we have spent one night together and he fell asleep at 10pm. Yesterday night which was Friday we were suppose to go to his grand fathers birthday so I could meet his family finally but he got into an argument with his dad and he decided not to go. I said I wouldn't be going without him but he suggested I go with his brother and his partner. I asked him what he was going to do instead he said he wasn't going to be staying at home and that he would be going to see his friends. I got upset and said great I'm going to be spending another night by myself and walked off to get some space. We got into an argument about how it would make him feel if I stayed out until 3am every night. He said because I live in his house it wouldn't get me very far.
I made other plans to spend time with an old girlfriend for a few hours and came home by 11pm. I went to sleep and woke up which what appeared to be my boyfriend arriving home at 4:40am I assumed he would come get into bed with me but when I woke up at 9 this morning he was nowhere to be seen. I found him on the couch. He has mentioned in the past that because we live together and sleep in the same bed that means we are spending time together.

I don't know if my demands are too high for wanting to spend more quality time with my partner but I feel as if he doesn't want to spend any time with me. Or maybe there's another girl in the picture?
He swears he isn't cheating though.


Please help

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Find a place to live that is not his parents house, and that will alleviate a lot of this. I sense you will have to do so in the near future, anyway, so you might as well get started early.

[smackie9]

He seems to think that since he isn't working he can go on a vacation from his responsibilities and his relationship with you. All he is doing is disappointing you, so it's time to leave his house and the relationship. From what I see he wants you to go anyways. He's just being an asshole so you will just give up. He is too much of a coward to breakup with you.

[michelle23]

Yes he doesn't want you anymore. This isn't a relationship. hes acting like a single man. Its time to move out and dump this loser.

Also never move in with a guy again unless your both working and can afford your own place.

[4 ratties]

wow hes a loser and a bad boyfriend. tell him to give more to the relationship. be specific about what u want because most guys are idiots and u have to spell it right out for them. if he doesnt change, its time to leave yhe dope head. he cares more about pot than you.

[michelle23]

wow hes a loser and a bad boyfriend. tell him to give more to the relationship. be specific about what u want because most guys are idiots and u have to spell it right out for them. if he doesnt change, its time to leave yhe dope head. he cares more about pot than you.

Why would you even ask him to "change". Hes behaving like a 17 year old boy who is not gonna grow up any time soon. All the signs of cheating and wanting out of this relationship are there.. coming home at 4am and sleeping on the couch-he has no interest in OP

[Wakeup]

Well as we all know, it's easy to say just leave him but it takes some guts to leave someone you've been living with and become accustomed to being in your life. OP; You know that you have to leave him but if you are afraid, think you have no where else to go or just want to try everything you can to see if he cares enough to apply himself to this relationship then you're going to have to talk to him about how he's being makes you feel and that you can't go on as is. You best have your plan of action in place (like somewhere to live, the strength to actually go and a good support system in place) BEFORE you lay down your "lets fix this or lets end this" discussion though so that you can exit stage left when you finally get it that he doesn't give a shit. He may change, who knows but first he needs to know that it won't be continuing on, with you, as is.

[Lostgirlinlove]

Thanks everybody for your advice

[Mattiemae]

Fortunately you are talking about addictive behaviors. He is escaping his reality because it is painful and avoids his feelings and emotions. There is nothing you can do to change his behaviors. Co-dependency is is very unhealthy, but these are deeper issues and of course you want him to be focused on you. The problem is the more you argue and nag the further you will push him away. It will just make him feel like he is a failure, and does nothing right.

This comes down to where we play a game of victim, rescuer, and persecutor. Really we get ourselves in the situations we are in at the moment. One being you both don't have a job and being responsible with finances. Which adds stress to your relationship. It also places stress on the extended family because they have to support you financially. Which they shouldn't have to do. It's not their responsibility, but yours and your boyfriends. Which leaves you in the victim role. You can't support yourself. So the perscutors may be the extended family placing more pressure on him and you and your relationship. You should be in your own apartment or housing. Which if they decide they've had enough and kick you out, you will need a rescuer to bail you out.

The second thing is the way you communicate. Is it about manipulation, control, being abusive emotionally, or mentally. Fortunately addictive behaviors lead to one feeling they have more power over the other. Win or lose mentality in every arguement and fight. Which leaves both of you feeling like the victim at times, and the other the persecuter with judgements and negativity aimed at the other. Than you go complain or seek someone to have empathy and sympathy.

Really there are issues both of you need to work on personally. Really your focus shouldn't be on how to change or fix him. It should be how to change your self and take responsibility for your emotions and feelings. Responsibility for making choices in your life and the cause and effect it has on your life outcomes. Your success in relationships or finances depends on your part, and how healthy your are in your communications and the way you handle things and problem solve.

Life is very hard, and life lessons must be learned. Most of the time we create the situations we are in, and want to blame it on someone else. He's running away from himself and harming himself. At the same time harming you. So this is the thing always ask yourself is it harmless or harmful for you to be in a relationship, or even what you say or do in relationships is it harmless or harmful to another person. What role and part do you play in the relationship, and what are you doing to cause the reaction. Yes our society trains us to point fingers at the other person and focus on what they are doing. We fail to be trained to take responsibility for our part in it, and usually we say we are not doing anything, but of course when we really think about it, we are doing something to cause the problem, and it is up to us to figure out the solution to the problem.

[4 ratties]

Why would you even ask him to "change". Hes behaving like a 17 year old boy who is not gonna grow up any time soon. All the signs of cheating and wanting out of this relationship are there.. coming home at 4am and sleeping on the couch-he has no interest in OP

I stand by my response now leave me alone. idc about your opinion.

[smackie9]

The OP is obviously going to discuss the issues with him first to see if there is any hope to change things .....that's why she is here. I believe people tend to focus too much on the negative and blow it out of proportion because they are upset, and that is the perspective we see.....through their emotions which make our determination of the situation difficult. His behavior has been this way "recently" and not something that is long term. When people lose their jobs they can get depressed about it, and use things like drugs or staying out late as an escape. As usual it all boils down to communication.....it's a no brainer. Sure we can say dump his ass, he's probably cheating, etc., but a that isn't helping solution UNLESS the OP has exhausted all their efforts.