Abandoned in a restaurant by my Byfriend

[bostonlove]

So first time user, nd advise and its so embarrasing I dont have anyone to talk to about this. I have been dating my boyfirend for a little over a year. We fell in love pretty quick, I started stying in a few nights then it turned in to permanent, just a few months after meeting him. I also recelty got pregnant, now 4 months. Overall we have a good relationship, I love him so much, and I think he loves me too. We didnt argue at first at all, until I started staying late at my job, therefore spending less time at home, with him, and therefore not helping out in the house with chores, ect.

In fact when we did started arguying its been mostly about chores and me not spending time with him because of work and also my family as well which are an hour away, and so is my job which is roughly 3.5hrs commute every day, plus 8hrs oif work, and if I stop to see my faimily thats more time away. I only have my weekends free and there is so much to do, during the week I basicallly get home and is time for bed, even though I rush to cooka nd make lunch for both of us for the next day.

SO the biggest problem came in when yesterday was his sisters B-Day dinner and I initially didnt want to go but then his sister sent me a text inviting me personally so I decided to go. We get there were fine, everyone having a good time, laughing, enjoying. His older sister shomehow brings up the conversation of how awkward he was as a child. How his mom used to always look around for her socks, especially her hosiery and how he used to always hide them to play with them. we all lughed, he didnt laugh but he didnt seem upset either, just liek he didnt llike it thats all, he then got up and said he needs some fresh air, he took a little while so I thought he was smoking a ciggarrette but then his sister receives a text "yo shut the **** up". still I thought ok maybe he is upset but thats it. Then I try calling to see where he was and he didnt pick up.


then he send me a text "I left can you get a ride?"

ow his 2 sisters including the B day girl, where actually late already for an outing so tehy were in a hurry and his father was on his way to pick up my BF son( thats another minor issue, but sometimes dating a guy with a crazy baby mother and just a guy with children from a previous relationship can have its complications alone)

I sent him a text back asking why he had left and just left me.

I was so mad I excused my leftm the table and said to his family I went outside to get him, but in reality I was so embarrased that he left me I just went outside and walked for a bit, in case they came out they wuld see me. I stayed for a bit, then I started walking to his house which was a 40 min walk. This was at night by the way,

He called me many times ot see if I had gotten a ride, but at that point I didnt want to speak to him. and I had little battery on my phone. I told him I didnt want to talk trying to save my battery and plus I was too upset to talk. he continued to call anyway. he sent me various texts saying he as going to go ballistic if I didnt pick up, then saying howw little I care that i didnt ask why he left blah blah, but then when I ask why he left he said oh now you ask, and Im like yes so tell me, then his like oh stop textingim trying to save my battery (I had told him earlier I didnt want to talk to save my battery) and then I was getting calls from an unknown number and then I got a message which turned out to be his father calling me. so I called back and I told him I was fine I was on my way to mikes house, I had called a cab, but no cabs in the area, only a couple of towns away which was pointless to wait and pay so much for them to come.

His fatehr said they were all driving around looking for me, but I had texted my BF toi tell him, I was all set, I didnt need a ride and that I was on my way, but somehow that didnt get to hios family.


I was so upset so hurt, he left me. I waled and walked and walked, I was about 2 mins from the house finally and his father pulls up from behind and ppicks me up, he drove me to my BFs house and actually my BF son was in the car with my BFs grandfather, we all went in the house, he said hi to his son, who is 5yrs old, nothing not even a word to me. and I went in changed my shoes and grabbed some clothes and laft to my moms after what he did I ditn want to see him. he called me and i didnt pick up so tehn he sends me a text about how little I care that Im not there to love and support him blah blah bla....I dint answer until he pulls the Im going to stay up and drink/take visodins as much as I can to see how much I can have card. I was so upset I answered. letting him know that i love and care but Im to upset to be around him. I told him to think about his son before he does stupid shit. I also told him I couldnt believe he would say soemthing like that after he knows that ive had my father commit suicide, and that actually thats what I do for a living, I couldnt believe him.


he never answered. I text a few times, then I stayed at my moms until 12:, got to his house on a Tues at 1am, he had actually put a chair to clock the door from opening but it wasnt secure enough so I was able to still get in. I went in and there he was in his bed sleeping, not even drinking.

Im so upset. I cant believe he is mad at me when he is the one who left me in a restaurant, abandones me, and he is upset because I would answer the phone to talk to him, or because I left to my moms because I didnt want ot be around me.

I dont know what to do, we are about to have a child, im four months pregnant, but his behavior is absolutely unacceptable, plus he wont quit smoking cigarrettes or weed, he does this all day every day, not inside the house anymore, and he does drink 4-5 days- beer only. he has a child from a previous relationship, his babys mother hates me, his fam seems to like me except his oldest sister who is nice to me but is best friends with my BFs ex. He doesnt help me with chores even when he is off, Like I cook, clean, do laundry and constatly clean up after him and his son when his there 1 day out of the week.
Im just so tired of doing so much despite my hectic work schedule. Ive talked to him about helping me more but it has not improved. I just dont know what to do.

There are sooo many issues to this relationship, although I love him dearly and we do have some good/great times, there are so many things wrong.

[Wakeup]

Please: Just go home to your mother and tell this man that you don't want anything to do with him except his financial support for yours and his child. Call social services and get that financial schedule made up so that he doesn't have you burdened with all financial responsibility for the rearing of the child.

You made a mistake having a kid with a man like him and he needs to live alone without a female slave to boss around and treat like shit.

You're a fool if you stay with him and show your baby to be that it's okay for men to abuse woman like he abuses you. GET OUT NOW.

[IndiReloaded]

I thought girls from Boston were smarter than average. Why do they continue to get themselves pregnant by these jerks?

Until you are responsible enough to care for a child yourself, or get married to a responsible partner PLEASE KEEP YOUR LEGS CLOSED.

[Boisdevie]

America is the most powerful nation on earth. Having read the post I really do wonder how this has happened because it seems to be populated by idiots.

[hello1]

Why would you have a child with a man who smokes weed and is obviously very immature?

Why are there so many children with their mother and father apart? it annoys me so much they all rush into having children, not even married and they don't give a damn.

I think you are just another statistic for a single mother.

[bostonlove]

Ok guys, you all are ebing a little harsh. This isnt what I expected when I posted here. First of all I didnt want to go into super details but I was actually on the IUD copper when I got pregnant, and not only that I was actually told by my Doctors, and 2 separate specialist in infertility that I couldnt get pregnant without reproductive assistance, IVF specifically.So getting pregnant wasnt planned.

Second, at the very beggining i DID MENTION OVERALL WE HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP. We only argue about chores, and actually its been a while since ur last argument, months I would say. He is ver kind to me, he pays when we got to restaurants, he pays all the bills, he gets the door for me, helps me in and out of teh car, brings the laundry up and down so I dont carry heavy things, th groceries he will bring them in and help me put it away, he cooks sometimes on his days off, he keeps in tough with me throughut the day to see how im doing if im ok and ect... he has a lot of faults but hes also very good to me in a lot of ways. We are alwys laughing and happy really pretty much all the time except for of course when we argue. I know he smokes and its horrible he does, but he used to do it inside the house now not even inside the house its a huge step, I hope someday he quits. He really is a happy person for teh most part, my family loves, aodres him since he is so nice to everyone. Im just concerned because I never expected him to do anything like this over something so little such as a childhood memmory of him hiding his moms socks.

I guess I was expecting more sensitivity from readers and commentors, but everyone is entittled to their own opinion. I guess is just when someone is down due to personal problems and seeks out advise, one expects a little more caring and support. I feel like reading these commenets have just made me feel even worse in life :-(

[bostonlove]

Thanks I appreciate your comment.

[VincenzoG91]

So what was his excuse for abandoning you at the restaurant? And how can you be sure that he won't permanently abandon you and your child again some day?

[hello1]

The big problem here is that he smokes weed. Do you want your child to think that is normal? for a man with a family to smoke weed? I feel sorry for you and your baby

[Wakeup]

Ok guys, you all are ebing a little harsh. This isnt what I expected when I posted here. First of all I didnt want to go into super details but I was actually on the IUD copper when I got pregnant, and not only that I was actually told by my Doctors, and 2 separate specialist in infertility that I couldnt get pregnant without reproductive assistance, IVF specifically.So getting pregnant wasnt planned.

Second, at the very beggining i DID MENTION OVERALL WE HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP. We only argue about chores, and actually its been a while since ur last argument, months I would say. He is ver kind to me, he pays when we got to restaurants, he pays all the bills, he gets the door for me, helps me in and out of teh car, brings the laundry up and down so I dont carry heavy things, th groceries he will bring them in and help me put it away, he cooks sometimes on his days off, he keeps in tough with me throughut the day to see how im doing if im ok and ect... he has a lot of faults but hes also very good to me in a lot of ways. We are alwys laughing and happy really pretty much all the time except for of course when we argue. I know he smokes and its horrible he does, but he used to do it inside the house now not even inside the house its a huge step, I hope someday he quits. He really is a happy person for teh most part, my family loves, aodres him since he is so nice to everyone. Im just concerned because I never expected him to do anything like this over something so little such as a childhood memmory of him hiding his moms socks.

I guess I was expecting more sensitivity from readers and commentors, but everyone is entittled to their own opinion. I guess is just when someone is down due to personal problems and seeks out advise, one expects a little more caring and support. I feel like reading these commenets have just made me feel even worse in life :-(

You're baby momma no.2. I suspect that you won't be the last baby momma in this douche's life.

if you're happy in the way he treats you then you wouldn't have come here. You would have worked it out with him and he would have not had to come here at all. You stick up for him now just like any abused woman would do when the cops come to her rescue and she refuses to lay charges. That's why the law took that responsibility away from the abuse victim and now the cops make the decision whether she agrees to it or not.

Guess what? My hubby does all those nice things for me (and I him) and we don't abuse one another in between bouts of kindness.
I feel sorry for your baby who will listen to you two argue while he abuses you verbally for not doing enough work around the house while he sits and waits for you to commute 3-1/2 hours every day and makes you feel guilty for being independent by being able to make your own living.

Have a happy existence. May you remember the advice here everytime you're taking his shit so that you keep the crap he throws your way, away from your children.

Sorry, but I'll not be one who tells you only things that you want to hear. it's your decision to stay for more abuse but don't expect us (or at least me) to condone you staying. He's immature, controlling, manipulative and he's doing his best to try and isolate you from your own family by making you feel guilty when you visit them "and take your time away from him." All that is him and we haven't even touched on his abuse of weed and booze. Wisen up girl. Admit you fell into quick with this crieten you didn't even know him... and now that you've had enough time to realize who he is you're afraid to admit you made a huge mistake.

Go home to your mother. I say that with your best intentions in mind. You and your baby deserve better than a big man baby who makes you feel like crap because you're earning a living and want to spend time with your own family while he acts more like a baby who has baby-like tantrums and leaves you without care for you and his unborn childs well being.

[IndiReloaded]

He really is a happy person for teh most part, my family loves, aodres him since he is so nice to everyone. Im just concerned because I never expected him to do anything like this over something so little such as a childhood memmory of him hiding his moms socks.

Well, either he has a problem or this was a one-off and very out of character for him. Which is it? If its the latter, then maybe you should try to find out why he overreacted. But seems to me there is more here than that. I can't ever imagine a caring man leaving his pregnant partner behind.... no matter HOW upset he was. The men I know just wouldn't do that.

[asdfg789]

I disagree with most posters here.

1. While the way OP's boyfriend left the party was rather unexpected, he didn't exactly leave her in a totally strange place with no way of getting back. I think OP's reaction of deciding to walk home put herself in danger and his repeated calls and family's attempts to locate her shows that he DID care for her and that her reaction was equally unexpected.

2. I see nothing wrong with the OP's boyfriend wanting her to spend more time together. Sure, she works and needs to spend time with her family. But perhaps she should sit down with him and work out an arrangement that allows her to have more time at home - like moving closer to her office or finding a job closer to home ? Or he can provide her some financial support and she can work less ?

Sure, he is not perfect but maybe we can hear more about what he IS providing for her before condemning him ?

[Wakeup]

^^ Yea, I agree in the fact that she's just as immature as he is by choosing to walk home when she could have gotten a ride and avoided all the drama.

You're points in #2 though I think are a crock. The woman works while douche waits at home for her to communte an hour home and then when she gets there she has to cook dinner and make lunches while he has no sympathy for the fact that she's pregnant and that being pregnant makes you tired as hell.. especially in the first tri-mester. It's not so easy to give up a good job in this economy and why should she. She needs a good job that will support her and her baby when she finally leaves his immature and controlling butt.

[Boisdevie]

If contraception fails and you're dating an idiot then there's always abortion - or 18 + years of expense and responsability.