Advice needed - 5 years, Do I let go?

[babycakes11]

I have been with my partner for 5 years now, things have not always been great and we have had some lovely times too. Recently he is thinking of moving 200 miles away from me, to be close to work. we live together but when we have a row he runs to nans house 20 mins away, its happened 3 times this week and its really wearing me down. Anyway he has never lived on his own, lived with nan who did everything for him and then with me only having me do tha same, i dont mind looking after him as I love him, but lately when ever I go out he has a row with me and goes off to nans-or so i think? when i call him he ignores my calls and txts, i feel like im with a child he is 34. With his move it means I will only see him weekends or 1 day if he is out with friends...when he is out he never comes home to me he stops at his nans..i feel like the other women ive had enough. I dont feel settled as im scared to go out now as he will leave me...i really do nothing wrong but go shopping then stop at the pub for one social drink, its normal to do that a couple of times a week, it does not make me a drunk? I dont know what to do for the best...i have been with this man for 5 years he never wants kids(i dont) never wants to get married - i feel lost - What would you do? Is it time to let go?

[vashti]

Your message is kind of disorganized, which is probably why you are having a hard time making a decision. As I see it, this is your list of complaints:

he likes his mom more than you
he is moving away and not taking you with him
he doesn't want to get married
he objects to you going out drinking
he goes out (overnight?) and can't be reached

Is that right?



Does that sum it up?

[Primo]

he doesn't want children either Vashti...

babycakes What do you want out of your future?

[babycakes11]

he doesn't want children either Vashti...

babycakes What do you want out of your future?

I want to be in a stable relationship not one that is controling. I did not mention he likes his mom more than me, i said that he goes off to his nans when we row which is fustrating as things never get sorted just brushed under the carpet and we go back to square one because we never deal with the issues, he says he does not want to go over it again. we always say no more rows....im confused to where my life is heading with this man long term...i just want someone to advise - i do klnow deep down its not working.

[gedquin]

have you tried discussing you current feelings with him in a calm way and not just when you are rowing together, If so, I think you should sit him down one last time and explain your feelings and make it extreamly clear to him how unhappy you are and just as important tell him why you are so unhappy if he really loves you he will make the changes ,if he doesnt then this guy is not worth any more of your time and unhappeyness I have looked at you post from a year or so ago so i no ur not just acting in haste, I hope things work out well for you, take care Ged

[babycakes11]

Your message is kind of disorganized, which is probably why you are having a hard time making a decision. As I see it, this is your list of complaints:

he likes his mom more than you
he is moving away and not taking you with him
he doesn't want to get married
he objects to you going out drinking
he goes out (overnight?) and can't be reached

Is that right?



Does that sum it up?

Hi, thank you for your reply. What is happening is that he is going to his nans after a row with me. If i go out with my friends he calls me a drunk and goes to his nans. he wants someone there when he is home from work. On the other hand when he wants to go out he will stay out overnight and I have to accept that - i dont have a nan to run to everytime things are rough - i have to stay home. he chooses to live with me then why not accept that we both should be able to have a life, he has got more controling the last few months since his plans to move 200 miles away for work reasons- my home and job are where I live and I dont drive therfore it is unreasonable for me to give up everything and go with him based on the current running to nans on a row. where would that leave me? We talked about marriage and kids (i dont want kids) he does not want both - we both love each other but we have no future based on how volitile the relatationship is - I dont think any woman can stand her man leaving at any little row. x

[babycakes11]

have you tried discussing you current feelings with him in a calm way and not just when you are rowing together, If so, I think you should sit him down one last time and explain your feelings and make it extreamly clear to him how unhappy you are and just as important tell him why you are so unhappy if he really loves you he will make the changes ,if he doesnt then this guy is not worth any more of your time and unhappeyness I have looked at you post from a year or so ago so i no ur not just acting in haste, I hope things work out well for you, take care Ged

Hello Ged,
Thank you for your reply. I have tried talking in a calm manner, when he cools down after staying at nans for a few days he returns and things are calm. He tells me things have got to change, they dont, he says we dont need to talk about negative things hence why it is never sorted out and we go back to square one. I love this man and want to try everything but i have nothing to go on, im scared i will be hurt badly the next time this happens...i have no fight left. x

[Primo]

I don't know, it's hard to put together, but from everything you're describing it sure as hell doesn't sound like alot of fun. Maybe it's time for a change.