Some doubts about our relationship

[boggeorge]

My girlfriend and I have been planning our wedding for Aug.
But I just recently started having some doubts about our compatibilty...and how happy we will be in the future. Things have slowly changed in our relationship.

We started dating 3 years ago.
She was in along term relationship , 1 year prior us meeting... she still had some baggage of abandonment. As her then boyfriend left her without a word, after many years together.
I dont know much about the details.

Our start was exciting..as well as a rough ride as she was demanding in knowing where I was at all times. We had some arguments... about this issue as my boyfriend mind was not set that way. It is now, but she does not worry about it anymore.

I am 2 years younger: laid back, and never argue and rarely get mad, a non-worrier, a bit niave as well, I'm quiet. She is strong...and confrontal, a worrier, sweet and smart, gets mad easily but loving to me and family.
I had only 2 short relationships prior. Not very experienced. Our backgrounds also differ. As we grew up in different places around the world. She in asia and me in Canada. Our communication was an issue at first.. but alot better now. Our beginning relationship was exciting, I guess most are.. physically.. and mentally. As it was difficult to be initmate alone.. we worked around that..

We also had issues with intercourse. As she has a very narrow opening and very sensitive. We always had to use lube and foreplay. But most of the time she doesnt want me to give her oral. I would make sure she would orgasm first before we start intercourse.

Recently we had to stop short.. I was not able to go in. As it hurt her. This was after a long time not having sex.
After 4 tries and extra lube we stopped ...as I did not want to hurt her. She also said she does not masturbate.
Doctors say she is perfectly normal, and I am of average smaller size. She also is very ticklish.. recently all over.
So haven't been touching her as much.

She also orgasms very easily. While I take some time to.
And she can only take one orgasm. She only performs oral
sometimes.. Now only on special occassions, birthdays, and out of town trips. Now that I have my own place the excitment has slowed. From weekly to monthly, to more months. She sometimes seems distant. But I know she loves me and is faithful. I have no doubt in her love.. and commitment.. But seems she has laid back some in our relationship. I love her very much and will never leave her. She is an amazing person..and these are only issues.

I guess I kind of know what is going on.. But want some reassurance. I just dont want us to be unhappy.. or ,e to resort to being unfaithful. I feel bad as I always initiate sex.. and now feel like a horny old man. So I have stopped bring it up.

Our time is also limited as i work long hours.. and on the weekends, one day is spend with her family. So we usually have one day to be together. We also both have been stressed with wedding plans. I love her very much. But like to see if anyone has any words of wisdom for me.

Thank you,

[Mish]

I think you need to bring up this issue with sexual compatibility to her before the wedding, if this is an important issue for you. You will need to negotiate some kind of a schedule that works for the both of you for intimate matters. If you can't get this matter settled I suggest for you to think very long and hard how this will affect your marriage if you go ahead with the wedding. For instance, if you can't get an agreement on this will the marriage work for you?

[vashti]

If sex is really the only issue, why not see a sex therapist together?

[Gigabitch]

It sounds like sex is much more important to you than it is to her. This isn't going to resolve itself after the wedding. If anything, it will get worse. The days of women performing their "marital duties" are pretty much over.

You should see a counselor about this before you get married.