bf in jail ... should i stay or should i go ?

[baaby]

Hey guys,

I'm a 19 year old female, and I've been with my boyfriend (20 years old) for almost 3 and a half years now.
I met him when I was 15, and he was 16. When I first met him, he was really shy, which attracted me to him. He cut off all his friends to be with me, and I spent all my time with him, too.

A little after two years, he became friends with this guy, and he suddenly stopped seeing me as much. I thought nothing of it, until I found out he's been going over to my ex-bff's house. I confronted him about going there without telling me, and he says that there's nothing to worry about. He would then ignore my calls and text messages. I would walk over to her house and see him there on her porch every night. And even though he said that it's his friend that's interested in her, I found out other things too...

I had my bf's facebook password, and when I logged on, he was chatting to a girl (one that he use to like). He asked her if she had a boyfriend, and sent her lots of (K)'s and <3's. She asked him how me and him were, and this was his reply: "not good i cheated on her with her best friend".

I also found him emailing an ex-gf, "damn ur beautiful i miss u".

And I am not hacking his account, he told me his password and never changed it.

Then one of my co-workers (who also know my bf) told me that my bf was on the phone with some girl. I later found out it was another one of his ex-gfs.

Now I don't know if he said he cheated on me too look cool, or if it actually happened. If it did, they wouldn't have gone far as sex, but till this day, he swears that nothing has ever happened between the two. I find it strange, because after I was chasing him while he was always with my ex-bff, I finally gave up, and one day, he just stopped talking to her and said that he missed me. To me, I think they done something and he felt bad.

Add to that, I even asked him, "pick one, me or her" and he simply could not choose, and he even yelled at me and broke up with me in front of her. The next day, he called me.

Now, he's in jail for something stupid. Don't say, "leave him, he's a criminal" or "why would you want to date a jail bird".

After that whole situation, he seems to love me more, and has never done anything like that again. I know it's been a long time since it has happened, but I think about this every day. He seemed like such an evil person for what he did to me.

He's looking forward to being with me when is released in 7 months, so tell me, should I stay or should I go?

[devonbrown]

If you are still thinking about these situations and they happened a long time ago, then you are not past them. This means that the trust in your relationship has yet to be repaired. And without that trust, the relationship can't grow any further.

Personally, I would say look elsewhere, but if you want to stay, you have to figure out how to make that trust return.

[misombra]

Stay with him. Keep him off the market and free up good guys for smarter, young girls. Have 10 kids with him.

[sadie_genie]

He is manipulating you because he is immature. Don't get caught up with the drama because he will ruin you and mess up your mind.

[devonbrown]

Sadie_genie - He may be immature, or he may just be a poor excuse for a man. I agree that he is not doing her any favors though. I just didn't want baaby to think that he will outgrow his immaturity, because it is just as likely that it is simply a character trait for him.

[sadie_genie]

I agree with you devonbrown. I just looked back at the post and realized he is 20 years old. A 20 year old is a man; not a boy. He is selfish and manipulative and he is completely aware of his actions.

Baaby, if this guy cares about you, he wouldn't have been searching out for other girls while he is with you. His words don't match his actions regardless of how much love he claims to have for you.

Just as a criminal in court would never admit he has done the crime, he would never admit he was cheating or that he doesn't care about you. He has a criminal mindset which tempts him to do what he can get away with. Look at his actions.

[reeba]

OK I'm getting a little confused on the time line here. After dating him for 2 years you discovered he was still emailing ex gf's? And now after 3 1/2 years of dating him, he will be out of jail in 7 months?

So what happenned between 2 years and 3 1/2 years? Is he still chatting up ex girl friends? AND when did he go to jail and WHAT for?

Have you really been exclusively dating for 3 1/2 years? I find it odd that after dating you for 2 years he would try to contact his ex's. You are leaving out some really important info.

[theSOUNDofMUSIC]

honestly its probably best to leave him. he only chooses you without any confusion when hes basically got no other options left...its pretty telling that he actually had a hard time deciding between you and that other girl which means his heart is divided. he may sound certain now but will he be later when hes free and can see other girls again too?

not trying to be mean or anything but to be honest hes an idiot or really careless. i mean what person that doesnt want to get caught will give someone their password and then admit to stabbing that person in the back on the account they gave them the password to?...c'mon. &you said he was in jail for doing something stupid...its mostly stupid people who do stupid things. i know you didnt want to hear that but its the truth...there are very few really smart dudes in jail...they got caught.

you can find someone whos a lot smarter or at least is a better liar and can decide things.

[devonbrown]

Another thought - If you even have to ask the question, that shows you have doubt somewhere in the back of your mind. And if you have doubt about a relationship, it is best to move beyond it, not wait an additional 7 months for it.

[cloudfa]

youre a woman. men protect women. if you find a man who protects you better then let him protect you. if no man comes who is right then you know he was the one