She won't talk to me

[Bundy]

Hi, I guess I'll start from the beginning. I'm currently 19 years old. Last year there was this girl who suddenly asked me for my messenger address at the end of class, who I had seen previously, but not quiet noticed. Not a lot of people get interested in me, being a geek and all (I will also admit here, being an anonymous forum, that I am a virgin). She's quiet geeky too, but she does have more male friends that I have female friends. Well, we became friends afterwards, and I eventually fell in love with her, after talking to her and seeing her in classes. We also have a few friends in common. We have quiet a few interests in common. I guess the first time I was really hurt by her was once, when she told me she demanded I take her for an ice cream in exchange for coming to a physics class were we'd be given some marks. I, of course, just wanted to see her in class, but then she raised the ice cream thing, and I was more than happy about it. And when the time came for us to go, she simply told me she'd go home. She went to the bus stop, and I started going home, but half way I decided I'd eat my pride and go back to the bus stop and insist she goes with me. I went back, told her to come with me, and she did. Even though that might be a happy ending (well, not so happy, the store was closed, but that's another story), it was not nice of her. We made another appointment for ice cream, and this time again she decided she's going home, and this time I couldn't persuade her. She told me she has things to do, I said I'll wait for her. I stopped were we usually say our goodbyes on our way back home, and told her I'd wait for her to come, even though she said she'll not come. An hour and a half went by, and she didn't come, so I went back home defeated. I later asked her why she didn't come, and she said she just didn't want to go to eat ice cream anywhere other than a place than the place that was closed. A clear lie to me.

The matter died down, we continued being friends. Once she brought her boyfriend to a meeting we had with some friends (can't remember if that's before or after the ice cream incident), and she seemed a bit repulsed by him. She wouldn't like it when he constantly wanted to hug her and stuff. And I was sitting alone, a bit apart from the rest, and she gracefully came, and sat besides me. Her stupid boyfriend came and hugged her (lucky I'm the shy type and don't carry a gun). Well, eventually I guess a few months later, she left him. I must also mention it wasn't the first time she came and sat besides me on her own. Once I was also sitting alone in a bench, and she passed by with 2 friends of hers, and sat besides me. She even asked me if they were bothering me (to which I replied a shy "no").

A few months later a chance presented for me to tell her how I feel about her. Some friends and I (she included) went for some days to a convention. And even though I knew clear as water by then that she'd not be very happy to hear I love her, I finally managed to get all the courage together and tell her. While the rest of our friends were in some lectures, I was together with her, going around (it was a very nice convention). She flirted with some random guy who I didn't kill just because I can't, (she held his hands and stuff, how jealous I was!), and she had previously mentioned going away, and the guy told her not to. I told her quietly that I wanted us to go away, and she came with me. And a little while later, I told her I love her, and I got the answer I expected: "I can't say anything to that". She had a lecture at that time, so I told her to go, no point in prolonging the awkward moment. After a few awkward stares, things went back to normal, fortunately.

I then decided a few weeks later, stupidly enough, that it would be a good idea to call her, and just like in that song "I just called to say I love you", tell her I love her. I did just that, and that was the last time I told her that, I understood she was upset by it, so I didn't do it again. She forgave me for doing that, and things went on.

I noticed that we never met alone anywhere, so I tried to invite her to meet with me. We could sit drink a coffee, or go to a movie or something. She said that at the time she was a bit busy, but 2 weeks later, when she finished some things she had to do, she'd be able to. I waited with anticipation, only to be disappointed. It seems she never had time, even 2 weeks later. Now, when the last Harry Potter book was out in our language (I had previously read it in English, but she hadn't), I decided I'd really like to give it to her as her birthday present, which I had skipped, not really knowing what to give her. I told her, she told me there's no need for a present, I told her I just want to give it to her, and when it was finally out, I went, and bought the book, and asked them to wrap it was a present. I told her I had the book, and I wanted to give it to her. It was during a break from school, so I didn't see her regularly at that time. She was too busy to see me though, it seems. Next time I saw her on a break after a physics lesson, I approached her and told her I have the book with me, and she said she was sorry she didn't meet with me. Later I gave her the book, and she seemed pretty happy, and I was really happy too. Looking back now, even for a birthday present, she wouldn't meet me.

Days went by. I'd call her from time to time, asking her to go out once in a while, only to be turned down from time to time. She also went missing from the messenger completely (I know she didn't block me at least), so by then the only connection I had with her were the phone and SMS's and occasionally meeting her in breaks in class, even though I didn't get to talk to her much, she'd hang out with a friend of hers instead (female friend at least, didn't get me jealous).

I guess around that time I started to get hurt by her, she was pretty much shunning me and I felt at loss. I barely got to see her and talk to her anymore. And then, one time we both finished class together, and I wanted to walk her home, and I asked her if I could, and she just told me not to. And I was stupid enough to follow her anyways, and it got her mad at me. For a week I tried talking to her, but she wouldn't answer my calls. The day afterwards I went to see her personally at her school (even though we had some classes together, we were not from the same school), but she didn't want to speak. Once she answered the phone to tell me to stop calling (about 4 days after the incident), so I stupidly called her more. Later it turned out she had 19 unanswered calls. And I should add she went and showed them to a common friend she we have, don't know what for, but I'm pretty sad she did it. Lucky that friend didn't care too much, and didn't linger in that business. Well, one week later I wrote a letter telling her how sorry I am, and telling her that I don't want to end our friendship that way, and that we have things in common that we could enjoy together, it's not right to let things go that way, and how important she is to me. Even today I don't know if she even read the letter, though I guess she did. After struggling with her to even accept the letter (she didn't want to at first, but I convinced her), I asked her if she forgives me when I saw her again 2 days later, and she did. I asked her if it was OK to call her again, and that's when she asked me to stop calling her. She said she didn't like speaking on the phone (indeed, our calls were always short), but it was OK for me to SMS her. Of course, for me it was yet another medium less to make contact with her, but I respected her request.

And it wasn't long until she finally stopped answering my SMS's too, so I went to emails, which I like less because I don't even know when she reads them. She answered one (were I asked her why she doesn't answer any of my messages, and she told me that she just doesn't want to answer them, for no particular reason), and from then I didn't get another message from her. Unless you count on my birthday about a month ago, when I sent her a message that read something like "Can I get some reaction as it is my birthday today? Can I call you?", and she simply answered "Happy Birthday". Needless say I was really hurt... We also finished school by that time, so I can't see her there. She talked about me with the friend I mentioned earlier, and he told me she said that I sent her too many messages and she didn't like that. He told me I should try speaking with her, but I don't have a means to anymore. About a month ago (before my birthday) we were together in a meeting with our friends, but we didn't even say hi to each other. And that was the last time I saw her personally.

I emailed her about 4 times, asking to meet her and work things out, and a few messages, but I didn't get an answer. I even mailed her some really funny Married with Children scenes, trying to be friendly, but didn't get answered to that either. I also went back to calling her about once every 2 days, though she never answered. And 2 weeks ago she finally answered, she sounded friendly, and I was nervous as hell. I asked her if she read my last mail, (I wrote there that I wanted to meet with her to work things out, that she's not being fair to me, and that I want us to be good friends again), and she said she had, and I asked her if we could decide on some time to meet. And to my surprise (and now I see how naive I was) she told me she's not interested in it, and something else I didn't hear (I guess it was painful enough to hear that she's not interested), and she cut the call. Since then I decided I'm taking a break to think about everything, to let things quiet down. And here I am, writing this post.

[Bundy]

(Couldn't write it all in one message, there's a 10000 words limit)

I feel really betrayed by her. I always looked up at her, I'd never miss the chance to help her, I trusted her with lots of personal stuff. I told her that I love her, I gave her a present. And now she treads on me like it was all meaningless to her, like even the friendship I so treasured is meaningless, and it's a very tormenting and terrible feeling. But at the same time I'm not willing to let it end like this. If someone really read all this (and I don't blame those who didn't), what advise do you have for me? Thanks a lot!!! Bundy.

[doppelgaenger]

There is a fat chance I am going to read all that. Is all of that significant to why she isn't talking to you? If so, you should reconsider this relationship. You ever try fishing in a pond without any fish in it?

[Bundy]

I guess that aside from asking for advice I really needed to write it all down for myself... The thing is, I don't really understand myself why she won't talk to me... Maybe reading all that will help someone else understand. That's more or less since I knew her 1.5 years ago until now...