i'm falling for a really depressed girl. looking for advise

[josh23]

I'm new to this but to start I'm 20 and the girl is 18. I'v known her for about 3 months now. It started as just friends but I'v been slowly developing strong feelings for her. Through our friendship I'v found out many thing about her. She cuts herself (claims she hasn't since we started talking), used to throw up after after every meal and not eat most days, and is really insecure in general. I know she likes me to at this point. I just also think she'll hide her feeling for me and deny it for one simple reason. Every man she has been with has caused her a great deal of pain and suffering and she'll do anything to keep from getting hurt again. I want to show her I'm different. I want to show her I truly care about her but I'm not sure how. She talks to me all the time and has even willing let me read her diaries that she claims no one else has read. I'm the only one she really has to talk to about her problems. I believe she'll want to keep me as a friend because she'll think she will lose me if things don't work out. I just want to know if there's anything I should do or say to show her how wrong she is and how much I care and worry about her.

I really want to be with her. she lights up my day in ways words can't explain. I'v just never been this emotionally involved with a girl prior to a relationship. I know what I want to say and will say. I'm just not sure how she will take it. She needs to know I'll love her no matter what and I will be there for her. More importantly, when I tell her I want her to believe it.

I know she likes me but at the same time she's convinced that she's driven away everyone that was close to her and thinks the same will happen with me. I'm sorry this is so long. I don't really know what kind of answer I'm looking for either. Maybe some advice or just your opinions. on the matter.

[SpongeBobRoxMan]

Show her that she can trust you. You should tell her how much you feel and care for her, it will be best to do this in a private place where you can be alone with her. It might be best to tell her that you understand how she is feeling.

There is not much difference between regular friends and boyfriend/girlfriend. Besides the obvious differences such as the hand holding and kissing etc., the difference is little. So if she already trusts you as a friend and you think she likes you, there is a chance that something could happen from this.

[zonay]

I say, if you seriously and genuinely want to help her, get her some psychological counselling. Someone who has high suicidal tendencies, like to inflict pain on themselves, find it hard to trust people and is generally sure that everything is going to be doomed needs professional help. It's not that she is crazy or anything, it's a medical issue. Apart from being nice with her, you should consider my advice too.

[RdHrshyKss]

i agree, the best thing you could do for her is to continue being her friend and to offer to get her some professional help. if she is as bad as you describe her (cutting herself, bulimia, etc.) it probably won't matter what you do, she will continue to have her warped thoughts regarding herself and those around her....self-fulfilling prophecy so to speak. only a professional will be able to help her acknowledge her history and progress in a healthier way. she is lucky to have a guy like you around. most guys would run from these situations. continue to be her friend. build that trust with her before you jump into anything more serious. if you get too serious with her too soon, that trust will go flying out the window because she'll think of anything and everything to convince herself that you are only with her for the sex or whatever other reason she can think of.

[Progressus]

i agree, the best thing you could do for her is to continue being her friend and to offer to get her some professional help. if she is as bad as you describe her (cutting herself, bulimia, etc.) it probably won't matter what you do, she will continue to have her warped thoughts regarding herself and those around her....self-fulfilling prophecy so to speak. only a professional will be able to help her acknowledge her history and progress in a healthier way. she is lucky to have a guy like you around. most guys would run from these situations. continue to be her friend. build that trust with her before you jump into anything more serious. if you get too serious with her too soon, that trust will go flying out the window because she'll think of anything and everything to convince herself that you are only with her for the sex or whatever other reason she can think of.

True, most guys would run from a girl like that-- for good reasons!

Listen, I concur with everything the other posters suggested in this thread, especially with the advice to get her some professional help.

However, don't get yourself emotionally involved too much as long as she's not over the hump!

I've been through similar situations. In particular, I had an affair with a girl that had even more issues than what you described. Sex was great, she was nice, caring, all that stuff. But in the end all she did was use me as an ego push. Needless to say, that's what COULD happen to you also. Seriously, I don't want to give you some piece of advice like "dump her, forget her", that's not what I want. Because if you're genuinely interested in her, then continue to be her friend, be there for her, support her. But don't let this get too complicated up to a point where YOU are suffering from it. Believe me, it's hard to get out of a relationship (or whatever you want to call it) like that. You'll always feel responsible for her, like "if she loses me, her life is over". That's certainly NOT true, but these thoughts might keep you investing over and over again, while she's pulling you down the drain.

You have been warned!

[doppelgaenger]

My advice is to not date a girl who is generally depressed. These girls are emotional rollercoasters that will wear you thin until you run off your own track.