He says he KNOWS I am going to cheat on him so we might as well do a foursome!

[tarapaine]

Hi, I'm new here and really could use some advice. My fiance and I have been together for 5 years. I'm 22, he's 29. We have a 1 yr old son. He is my only one as I met him at 17. For the most part, everything has went great and I have no doubts with my decision or that I love him. He treats me very well, is very financially secure, does anything for me, and I know I'll never have better. The problem is that last year his childhood bestfriend moved back here, who is like a brother to him, and in this last year that he has been around he and I have been very flirty with each other. I'm talking hardcore. I have to be totally honest he and I do flirt like there is nothing to it, and that it seems so natural for both us that we end up doing it for a long time before we even realize it. I also do admit that we seem to have this incredibly strong connection with each other, emotionally and physically, and that it has gotten so intense lately that it is becoming apparent to even those who know us well. But even with all of this I still think of it as just flirting and not serious. The only down fall to this is that of course I'd have to be stupid and childish to say that others who are on the outside looking in can't see the chemistry that the two of us have and wouldn't think something. However, I am sure that all it is all just flirting and so I don't worry about it.

Lately, I feel it has gotten worse because people who don't know us that well are questioning our relationship. When my fiance isn't with us, I've had people asking me and my friend what really is our relationship and they ask me if I'm sure it's all really just flirting. When it's the three of us, we've had people who asked us how long his friend and I have been together, and how serious is our relationship, and we actually have to correct them as to who's with who. They see me sitting in his friend's lap and tickling him and play fighting with him, always touching him, playing with his hair, and they think I am with him and my fiance is the friend! It is SOOO embarassing! His friend's gf has also gotten really jealous, to the point that she almost got physical with me once. My fiance has gotten really uncomfortable with it, but until recently never said anything to me about it. Now, however, my fiance and I are in a little disagreement. He is getting more and more worried that I may end up doing something with his bestfriend, and there is now way that I can assure him that nothing is going to happen. He's really getting nervous, almost sick about it. I feel so sorry for him, and I am constantly reassuring him there's no way I'd ever cheat on him so he should stop worrying, but he doesn't stop.

One day last week we were out drinking with his bestfriend and his gf. It started off we where going to just have one drink due to the stress of work but we ended up in a hotelroom and we were all really letting our stress out. (a lot of drinking and sociallizing) For the first time it became very apparent to me that his friend is very attracted to me. I'd always suspected of course, but this time it was obvious. TBH, for the first time I will admit that our flirting did get totally out of control. I was sitting on his lap the whole time, tickling him, wrestling with him, playing with his hair, laying and sitting on top of him while he lay in bed, and even getting a little jealous when he's attention was not on me. (Yes, I know that this is very wrong) But let me tell you what his friend was doing. He ordered my favorite shrimp cocktail, but he got it so he could share with me and he even fed it to me. HE also layed on me first and he keep putting his forehead on mine and would talk to me with his face right on in my face. He even was complaining about how sore he was from work, and asked me to give him a back rub. I actually took off his shirt and did it, then I had him turn over and I did his chest and tummy. (and yes my man was there the whole time but he didn't say nothing.) There was a point in the night where I sat in his lap and tickled him for like an hour straight while his gf and my fiance just kind of sat there and watched or talked to each other. At times it seemed they were really disgusted with us, but at other times they didn't act like they cared, but TBH I was so carried away I only remembered this afterwards.

Well when the night finished I finally had the real test of the night. My man left for 30 minutes to go get our son from where he was staying at the night and it was just me and the bestfriend and his girl. I was all over him tickling him. His gf said if I was going to be all over him like that right in front of her the least I could do was share him with her. I took it as a joke and laughed but then but she said she was serious and really didn't mind as long as no feelings got in the way, and I looked at her and my fiance's friend and they both seemed serious. They were basically proposing a threesome! His friend told me that he told me since I was complaining about being hot that I should get naked, and when I told no I am not drunk enough for that, he then said that he would start it off. He took of all his clothes and I admit I was definitely tempted beyond belief but I told him NO!! Then just to make matters worst he told me that I need to hook him up because he and his gf both want this, but again I was good and I told him NO!! NO!! I was tempted very much but even then I shot him down!

When my man came back and his friend and his girl took off for the night, I told my man what had happened and I was so proud of myself because of how I resisted him and rejected his advances, but instead of him being happy for me he told me that he KNOWS, for a fact, that i am going to end up sleeping with his bestfriend and that he has already came to terms with it. He says he understands that he stole my teenage years of fun from me and that I need to get this out of my system. I think that is very wrong because I know for a fact that I would not do that to him, heck I wouldnt want that to happend to me, so I would NEVER do that to anyone else. I even tried to reasure him that no matter how much I drink nothing will happen, but instead he keeps insisting that it IS going to happen, it's "obviously" just a question of when. He told me that everybody that knows us thinks that I am going to sleep with his bestfriend, and he said he that after tonite he's confident it's going to happen soon, any day now. He also went as far as to say that he has already knows, it's a hard fact in his mind, so there is no need for me to keep wasting my time trying to convince him. He thinks that it would just be easier if he goes ahead and invites his friend and his gf to do a foursome, because it is the only way he thinks he could still marry me. He said he would have to divorce me WHEN I end up doing it behind his back and he doesn't want it to work out like that. He said he discussed it previously with his friend and his gf, and they felt similarly. His friend's girl also thinks it's coming and she will also break up with him if it's done secretly. He said it's the only way for all of us to stay friends, and that all of us should not allow ourselves to have any emotional baggage or romantic feelings for the other person, and that I should agree because we can still make this work.

Basically, I took this as "let's start being swingers". And I am not interested in the least because first, I was not raised like that, second, I don't want that kind of marriage, and third, it's completely unnecessary because even with all the flirting and stuff I still feel as if he should put his trust into me and know that I will not do anything physical with his friend, but he keeps insisting it's the only way our marriage could work. I'm also very insulted that he thinks I'm incapable of controlling myself like that (i.e. I'm a hoe), and I'm also offended that they even asked me to do this because they should already know I'd never be interested. They all already know I'm a Christian and that I don't believe in open marriages or condone cheating.
How can I let him know that nothing like that is going to happen? And why does he still think I will cheat even when I did FINALLY HAD THE CHANCE TO DO SOMETHING AND I DIDN'T? Do I have the right to be upset or should i just let him think what he wants?

AND PLEASE JUST BE HONEST WITH YOUR RESPONSES

[lightstar]

Is this post serious?? like what in the actual f**k??

You don't want to be seen as a whore yet you act like one. How dare you behave this way in front of your partner and his friends girlfriend?

Were you dropped on your head as a baby? how can you think for one second that this kind of behavior is okay? when you are meant to be in a monogamous union and committed/loyal to your partner. Loyal people do not act this way EVER!!

Jesus if some b**tch was carrying on this way with my bf I would kick her f**king ass and then I would kick him to the curb and tell them both to go and f**k themselves.

Your post made me so angry. You sound like a retarded bimbo with no common sense or emotional intelligence and I do wonder what the f**k is wrong with you that you think its okay to behave this way in front of your loving partner who you say is awesome.

I honestly think they should get together and tell you and your lover to get stuffed. You deserve each other and your partners deserve better

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added: omfg what a retard you are acting all innocent when you behave like a lo class ho! How you can say that you would never do this or that..?? your already completly disrespecting your partner and everything about your relationship!

I feel sorry for your partner and would not blame him if he did cheat on you. Your behavior is just sickening and twisted!

It is one thing to do this crap in secret. It is bad but to pull this s**t right in front of your partners shows just how much respect you have for them and how awful you both are

[Wakeup]

And why does he still think I will cheat even when I did FINALLY HAD THE CHANCE TO DO SOMETHING AND I DIDN'T?

By your own words, I get the impression from you and your deplorable actions with this other man that you WILL indeed do it with him. You didn't do it when you had the chance because you don't want to share him with his own girlfriend.

Frankly: I think that this whole thing went on so long without your boyfriend saying anything because he wants to screw the other girl and so he let it get out of hand to facilitate getting some from his besties main squeeze.

You're beat now, schweetheart. No turning back because your marriage just hit the wall.

You might convince him not to do the other girl if you get some therapy to help you behave appropriately for someone who is married with a child.

[lightstar]

yup I totally agree that he is into this girl and I don't blame him considering how you two have been acting. If my partner were behaving this way now that we have a child, I would line up a plan B too. Currently I am financially dependant on him on maternity leave so I would look for someone who can take care of me and my boy until I find a new job

[tarapaine]

I know it is not "right". I already admitted in my post that I am fully aware of how this must look to others. But like I said we have this amazing connection and it just sort of happens without any intention on our part. I think both of us would rather we not have this kind of chemistry, but we do. There's really nothing either of us can do about that because that's just how we feel, and you cannot control your feelings. They are just there.

There is no need for him to assume I would do something that wrong. I have even tried to constantly reassure him so he feels secure. I tell him over and over that I love him and I would never do something like that. We have a child together. It is against everything I believe. And he knows this.

[lightstar]

you can control how you behave and laying on top of him, tickling, flirting etc etc shows NO control!!

Again were you dropped on your head?

[friendsfirst]

If you can't control yourself around him, don't be around him. You don't act like that when you have a man you "love."

[Lilly328]

I tried hard to actually look from your point, but i soo feel like lightstar reading it over :/ i find it so rude and disgusting to flirt with someone partner in front of their partner, and even your partner. One of my feet would go up the lady v and the other would go up his a**. If you don't want him to think that way then controll yourself and stop fken flirting with his friend.

[Wakeup]

I know it is not "right". I already admitted in my post that I am fully aware of how this must look to others. But like I said we have this amazing connection and it just sort of happens without any intention on our part. I think both of us would rather we not have this kind of chemistry, but we do. There's really nothing either of us can do about that because that's just how we feel, and you cannot control your feelings. They are just there.

There is no need for him to assume I would do something that wrong. I have even tried to constantly reassure him so he feels secure. I tell him over and over that I love him and I would never do something like that. We have a child together. It is against everything I believe. And he knows this.

Go away, little troll.

There is no way anyone real could actually believe their own bullshit like a troll can.

[lightstar]

ya my first thought was like wtf?? this is not real!! idiot

[tarapaine]

you can control how you behave and laying on top of him, tickling, flirting etc etc shows NO control!!

I mean I can at least control myself to the point that I am not going to have sex with him. I'm not a slut. In fact, my fiance is the only man I have ever been with, and believe me I have had opportunities. I know for a fact I would never stoop to that.

If you can't control yourself around him, don't be around him. You don't act like that when you have a man you "love."

They are best friends since 2nd grade and he lives close by. They are always doing things together so that really is not an option. Me not being around his friend would also mean he could not be around his friend. I know there must be a better way to resolve this than making them end their friendship. Besides, like I said this is totally unnecessary because I know I'm not gonna do anything.

I already said I know how it must look, but the chemistry is so strong I can't help it. But it isn't cheating and the way to fix this is not by becoming swingers. I cannot help my feelings and I have been honest about them with my fiance, but my ACTIONS have been pure, and the proof is that when his friend openly came on to me I refused him. I could easily have cheated right then and there but I didn't. We cannot control our feelings, but we can control our actions, and that is what counts in a relationship. Are you telling me you've never lusted over some one other than you SO?

I don't know what it is with this forum. I came here because it seemed to have good advice and save my marriage, but it seems all I'm getting is judgements and dissing about how evil I am. I come here for advice on how to fix this, in good faith. I know I shouldn't feel like I do, but I just do. Now, I am trying to find the best way to deal with those feelings and to help make my fiance feel safe. Telling me to just stop feeling the way I do, and that it's wrong, is not going to help, because I know I cannot help those feelings. But thx, anyways.

Maybe this site isn't the best to get advice.

[lightstar]

oh for F sake! I know I am 26 now but I also know I wasn't this ignorant or stupid at 23 or ever in my life!!! my 14 year old sister has more sense then you!!

maybe you cannot control your feelings but you can control your actions and behavior

do you seriously not understand how innapopriate your behavior is????