Worst New Years ever!

[eva1]

Ok i have something on my mind and its doin my head in and now i cant sleep, ive been seeing a girl almost 2 months now, i got out of a bad relationship where my ex was controlling always texting and i couldnt do my own thing, the girl i am with now is much more down to earth and lets me do what i like and i give her space also. The problem is the clingyness has kinda rubbed onto me and i feel like im constantly texting my new gf even tho she shows how much shes into me when were together. The other problem is new years eve, i never really go out or do anything, i have the money but no I.D so i probably couldnt get served if i went out so that will be a no go, the thing is my gf says she wants to spend new years eve with me and i said the same to her but she wants to go to a house party of one of her friends, who is a male i might add, i said she can go and not to worry about me because im used to spending it alone anyway, she said she would ask if it would be ok if i came also to the party and i said it might be awkward even though i would go if it was alright but now im paranoid in case im not invited to go, what would be the reason? and i think if anyone was in the same situation they would be thinking well if the boyfriend isnt there whats to stop something happening, i probably am just being paranoid but if i had a friend who was a girl and wanted to bring their bf along i wouldnt hesitate to say yes, and also if my gf went to the party instead of seeing me its like im second best and she chose that over spending the new year with me, any girls got any advice? or lads even?

[lahnnabell]

Gah. Your post was one giant run-on sentence and it was difficult to discern your situation. I gathered that you're pretty anxious though.

Why wouldn't you want to go to the party? Your girl wants to spend NYE with you and yet you are being flaky. Just man up and decide if you want to spend it with her or not. Who cares if you don't know this other dude? You'd be going to the part as your girl's date (and she wants you there from the sound of it).

I guarantee you that if you can't make a decision about this, she's going to feel like you don't really want to go with her and it will upset her. Why do you have to complicate things so much as to make her choose between you and the party? She probably wants to be with her friends on NY as well.

[eva1]

Ok i apologise for the lack of paragraphs i'll try say it a bit clearer now.

I do want to go to the party and spend NYE with her, im not being flaky but its just how she texted me earlier tonight that made me think she is the one that doesn't really seem that bothered.

She text me asking what i was doing tomorrow night for NYE and i said "nothing as far as i know" then i text back asking her what she was doing and she said "Dont know someone is having a house party but i wanna spend it with you aswell" then she said she'd ask him if i could come and she said "I will see what he says fingers crossed"

This is why i feel like i shouldn't be there, im not the one complicating things, im the one thats still awake while shes asleep and got her friends to go to the house party with, im not making her choose between me or the party at all,i just dont know what to do thats all and asked for advice.

so your saying i should still go even if im not invited or welcome to go?

[lahnnabell]

I don't see why this guy would have any reason to prohibit you from going. When you put it that way, your girlfriend should really only have to say, "Hey, I'm bringing my boyfriend 'cause he's cool and I'd love for you to meet him." That's how I'd handle it if I were in her shoes anyway.

You say you've been seeing one another almost 2 months now. It's about that time it seems when you'd want to decide if either of you are in it for the long haul. If she's not making an effort to introduce you to her friends at this point, you may want to reassess the situation.

What about your friends? Do you have any that you can spend NYE with?

[eva1]

I'll try say that to her then, if she really doesn't want me there and she's just making an excuse it'll probably put her on the spot.

I have met her friends and they're really nice people, I met them at her Halloween house party, she works with them all but the ones who's house party it is i haven't met so i don't know who it is.

I do have friends that i can spend NYE with but i'd just rather spend it with my girlfriend but if it don't happen i'll go out with my mates instead.

[lahnnabell]

Ah, okay. So you have met her friends, that's good. You don't have to let NYE be the deciding factor on your relationship. Perhaps she's simply used to spending it with friends, just like you're used to flying solo that night. Hopefully you guys can find a happy medium that works for you.

Note: Don't be harsh when you ask her. Just gently poke her to see if it's that much of a priority that she sees you on NYE. Perhaps she can leave the party early and spend time with you?

[eva1]

I know but I hate being on my own NYW and I've said to her I really don't want be on my own later, I suppose if she is used to spending it with her friends then I've got to let her do what she wants.

[eva1]

Just to update she text me before the NYE party saying that he didn't want me there because he didn't know me which was fair enough and she said well I'll see you tomorrow and I said so your going there instead of seeing me and she couldn't believe i said that because I was making her choose. I did apologise in the end.

Anyway she said comes about 10 when the lads house it was was drunk even though he wasn't he seemed very nice and easy to talk to and I got on well with him. I'm now questioning whether it's my girlfriend who didn't want me there and not the lads whose house it was. There were several other people there with girls which he probably knew but I don't know.

She seems off with me today an hasn't responded to any of my texts or anything, I understand she want's her friends and I agree she should put them before me but I wanted to be with her at midnight which I was happy for but now I'm kind of regretting actually going because she didn't want me there.

Any suggestions on what I could say?

[lastwish]

LOL. Her friends doesn't seem like very open and cool people. But in situations like these, you should have just laugh it off and tell her you will see her after the new years. But instead, you annoyed her with your insecurity which does not work in your favour.

Now, there is nothing you can say to her that will convince her you weren't being insecure. Just don't do it again. You don't need to justify your actions by giving her another long and annoying explanation. You need to show you are capable of being independent. What you need to do is tell her you can't hang with her (whenever your usual next hang-out is) because you need to hang out with your own friends. This will also give her some space to cool off.

[eva1]

Thing is her friends to seem cool open people, theyre always having parties but there work parties, it just bothered me she wanted to be with friends rather than me new years eve and i would of been alone, i think anyone else would of felt the same, i got more of an impression that she didn't want me there for whatever reason because her friends seem really cool i don't know but i guess i'll let it slip now.

[lahnnabell]

I don't get why this guy wasn't cool with you being there. I mean, your girlfriend couldn't extend an arm and vouch for you? I dunno... I'd feel off too. It's not like she was asking if she could invite her 10 friends from the football team.

[lahnnabell]

To add though, I do agree that being whiny and naggy isn't going to sit right with her either. I would say give yourselves some space. Before you do that you might want to say (in a very calm, collected way), "Look, I'm sorry I got very insecure the other night. I was looking forward to spending New Year's Eve with you, my girlfriend. I understand I didn't know this particular friend, but I suppose I felt hurt by his lack of hospitality." Rephrase it however suits you, I suppose. But keep it collected because coming off like a 12-year old is only going to irritate her more.

[LADiiEKAY]

woah.

why wouldn't you go to that party ? your girl asked to spend new years with you it doesn't mean you guys have to spend it alone. well it would be nice if yous do. spend it alone but since she wanted to go to that party you should've gon' with her to show her that you care.

and who care if it's a guy hosting it? you need to chill. that girl is yours, don't worry so much they're just friends, and letting the girl know that you're jealous only makes it worst !

[eva1]

yeah but if you read my post i explained that i couldnt go because he didnt know me, its over now anyway, i ended up going so worked ok in the end