Knowing that my girl already experienced sexual intercourse stresses me out

[mrconfused]

I feel some great tension knowing that this girl I’m dating has already experienced sex (and I didn’t, although this is not the (only?) reason). It’s something I cannot really explain. It’s like I wanted to discover this together. Well, I do like/love her, I think at her more and more and she also likes me. She’s a very good, sweet, tender, intelligent girl, she enjoys painting, but sometimes she tells me she dreams doing crazy stuff (she said she never experienced drugs and sex in the car). Of course, that drug thing it’s just some joke (perhaps she just wanted to test me – believe me, she doesn’t seem the person to take drugs and I know what I’m saying), but that “sex in the car” thing pulled me to thinking she had experienced sexual intercourse before. I really don’t know what to think. No, I didn’t have a conversation on this topic (yet) since we are not officially together.

Another fact is that we are not living in the same city, but going to the same college. I haven’t seen her for two weeks now and there are even more two weeks left to see her again. Going to her city it’s not that easy for my pocket.

I can’t stop thinking at this. Can you give me some (really helpful, not theorems… please) advice that will help me be more tolerant with these thoughts? I feel like shit thinking at what that guy might have made with her.

Don’t tell me anything such as leaving (?!) her because I am really attached to her and it seems she feels the same about me. I am 18 and she is 19.

[vashti]

Well, I am sure you realize that most girls have had sex by the age of 19, right?

There isno magic to help you get over this. It is really a matter of indivual values. If it is important to you that your girl be a virgin, then you should only date virgins because you DON'T have a right to date her and then make her feel bad about her past.

[dreamer101]

Ahh its a guy thing. I know how you feel. either you can get past this or you can't. and i wouldn't blame you if you can't.

[Henry123]

Theres really nothing you can do. You either have to accept it or walk away.

I think most mature adults will over look the "virginity" issue (its 2006 not 1950). Whats important is the personality of the person you love. Not whether they are a virgin or not.

[VashTN]

Yes. Virginity is overated. It doesn't make any sence. With all the media now days, it's like they are making you feel that you need to have sex. That it's normal for 10th graders to have sex and be asking girls and guys for it like it's candy. So, in some sence, you should be happy that you aren't that weak, to fall for the stuff they try to feed you on tv. Why don't you try asking her how her first time was. Be careful though, she might not want to talk about it. She might find a way to change the subject like, i don't know, ask you about how your first time was in which case you'd be screwed. But you should talk to her about it, and ask her if she ever regrets it. Try to ask her in a neutral way. Like, i don't really know. Try telling her that the media sucks and they pressure people into having sex when they are not really ready for it or might not even want it themselves yet. See what she has to say. If she asks you to talk about it, tell her that you don't feel comfortable talking about it, or that you'd rather not.

[vashti]

Hey, VashTN - how about you put in for a name change? You are freaking me out.

[enterprise]

w00t fight the media

[Sami09]

a lot of girls seen to do it at age 16 and 17 she properely done it. i am not sayin all girls do i am saying some. some are late or have religion beliefs

[Junket]

Hey, VashTN - how about you put in for a name change? You are freaking me out.

Is it that easy to get your name changed?

[vashti]

Is it that easy to get your name changed?

I duuno, but I went from shh! --> vashti with no problems.