Do I Get In Contact With My Ex Girlfriend...Advice Required!

[Jon1985]

Hello all,

Please do take the time to read this as I have put alot of time into trying to get to the bottom of my situation and how to proceed

As you can see this is my first post,Thank you in advance for reading and giving you're input.

I will try and keep the story as short as possible but I will also include as much detail as possible because I really would like to know what it all means!?


The Start

I am 25 and from the UK,
The story starts when both me and my ex were 16 going on 17.
We dated for 8 months which seems like a very short period but actually felt alot like years due to all the ups and downs and drama inbetween.

I would say that she was/Is my first Love and no doubt she would say the same and maybe this is part of the reason that the connection has still continued many years on.

She went to stay with her Dad who was working in Switzerland on a temporary basis and did some work with him.
Whilst she was there she enjoyed the freedom of working abroad and decided to extend her trip by a month.

She called me one night crying manically asking me " Would I wait for her to return" She was obviously concerned about me getting fed up with the current situation and packing it in.
I reasured her that I would never leave her and I would wait for her because
what we had meant the world to me.

After hanging up the phone I spoke with my mum about her staying longer to work in Switzerland To which my mum made a remark along the lines of "Oh I wouldnt bother with her,I would just tell her you need to make a life for yourself and that doesnt include you"

So after telling her and promising her I would wait for her I headed upstairs and sent the following Text message

"Im really sorry but I need to make a life for myself and that doesnt include you"

My girlfriend replied shortly after with the words that I remember to this day

"It was one week ago last year that I wanted to kill myself,Some things never change"

I text her in the morning apologising sincerely for what I said...We both often said things in the heat of the moment but this time I never got a reply.
I text her a few more times and never heard anything more.

I started to strike up a relationship with another girl while she was still in Switzerland just a couple of months after our split which she found out about through a mutual friend and didnt take it very well...She was angry and sarcastic with the fact that I wanted her back and laughed off the suggestion in a nasty way saying she had also found someone else etc etc.
We did speak a few weeks after this and we were amicable on the phone and at one point she even said

"Well I dont even have a reason to come back home now...Do I???"
I wish I had told her she did have a reason to comeback but I restrained myself and agreed.

THE MIDDLE

Around 8 months to a year passed by without contact and I sent her a text message out of the blue to which she replied...I was honestly shocked that she did reply and we ended up speaking on the phone that night from 9pm until 5am straight through! During the conversation we briefly spoke on occasion about the good times during our relationship but I was cautious not to push things in that direction in fear she would shut down.
She also denied ever recieving that apology text from me after I ended it that night saying she never got any message the next day?


We agreed to meet up as she had a item of my clothing.
The next day I met her at her house..A good 2 hour journey which seems crazy now for a item of clothing but I guess it was more of a benefit to her for her to see if she still had that connection for me.
On the way home I called her mobile from the train station and she didnt answer,I wasnt supprised as I did get the vibe that it was a closing of a chapter for her in many ways And I didnt get a sense from her that she was longing to re-kindle a relationship...I then moved house with my parents 4 hours away.

Nothing happened for near on 4 years,I would send the ocassional text during the 1st year just a general "Hello,Hope you are well" But never recieved a reply.

4 Years later I decided to send her a music tape along with a letter to her old address just basically a sincere letter apologising for the past and hoping we could build new bridges as friends in the future.
To my suprise I got a call 2 days later from her thanking me for the tape.
We talked and really connected again,Having a great time chatting on the phone,Laughing about the old times and reminising.
I was in a relationship at the time and she was only one week away from Moving to Australia to be with her boyfriend...She was alittle upset as she did say she would have loved to come and stay here for a little while and visited.

Although she was moving to Australia she gave the impression that she was unsure that she was doing the right thing especially after we had been talking for a few days that impression was certainly given out..
I didnt stray off track however and decided it was totally in my best interests to NEVER let my guard down and express feelings for her in fear of that scaring her away into silence again..
I would much rather have had her in my life as a friend than ever risk losing contact with her again completely.

When she arrived in Australia we exchanged two or three emails over the space of 5 or 6 months getting on great as usual and then BANG...All contact ceased yet again.

Another year passed by and I came across her new email address,It turned out the email company had gone bust and she lost all her contacts etc.Which Is actually true.

A year on from our previous conversations she is now married!! Not to the guy she originally moved there for but a new guy from Australia.
I was genuinely happy for her and we spoke via email for a few months exchanging maybe 3 or 4 more emails.

The general vibe of the email was based more in the present and she did seem happy..She would often add in a few bits of the past but neither of us ever spoke of any feeling between us now only fond memories of the past and what was happening in the present....As in the past whenever the good times were brought up and spoken about for a short period of time the contact ceased.
This wasnt me going on and on about the past trying to force feelings from her but a two way conversation which was just natural.


THE PRESENT
Fast forward from 2006 until Now...
I had noticed she was on Facebook last year,I decided to say a Hello but never recieved a response,I left it at that obviously understanding she is now married and it may not be appropriate to speak any longer.

I happened to check her Facebook around 2 months ago and noticed she was now using her maiden name and was no longer married
More than anything I was concerned and genuinely upset for her.
I sent her a message as soon as I noticed saying
"Hope you're ok,You know where I am If you wanna talk"

Next thing I know her facebook is deleted and she vanishes into thin air.

I know she is on Twitter so I thought I would just take a look and see if all appeared well,Obviously I had no intention of messaging her but then I saw some stuff which really shocked me further.

She had started drinking again which she hadnt done since before we were even together so at least 9 years,She has also gone back into stripping which she was doing before she left for Australia back in 2006.


To summarise I have NEVER given her the impression since we split that I still love her although she may suspect it due to it being me who always made the effort to reconnect,I have always been there for her during these times and I am and always was content with having her as a friend.

The main advice I would like to know is the following.

Why is it everytime over the years during periods of contact we seem to become close unintenionally only for her to do a complete 360 and give me the cold shoulder like I dont exsist? She has never said "Leave me alone" She simply shuts down and vanishes...WHY IS THIS????

Do you believe it could be the way in which I ended the relationship which was unforgivable and when she starts feeling a kind of attachment or connection again she gets scared and shuts off?

I am concerned about her but should I send her a message on Twitter? She has no real way of contacting me and doesnt know I even have Twitter to my knowledge...Obviously I am still fond of her and would like a friendship with her again but is this too early after her split or ever at all?

Thank you so very much for anyone who has read this all.
If you have any questions or would like anymore detail in order to find an answer Ill be happy to help

[VincenzoG91]

You need to move on and get a life. I'm sorry, but you have wasted too many years on her with almost nothing to show for your devotion. Just stop it and date locally from now on.

[Randomness]

I didn't bother to read this throughoutly, but here's a golden tip: Don't get back in contacts with an ex. Caput, finito.

[Boisdevie]

I would have read the post if it had got to the point in less than 5000 words. I don't have time to read somebodys life story.

[Wakeup]

Geeezus dude, leave her alone. She's nuts anyway, an alcholic stripper who talks about killing herself whom you haven't set eyes on in YEARS and she has no desire to find out how you've been doing. Hellooooo!


Forget about her and find yourself someone sane who wants to be with you and actually has seen you recently enough to remembers the colour of your eyes.

It's a littly scary how you keep creeping the net and stalking her whereabouts.

Time to end this cling you have for her. It's totally unhealthy.

[Jon1985]

Thank you all for the input.
I agree with most that has been written.

Im sorry if I come across as she was my only love and I have never loved since or even had a girlfriend lol
But I am in a current 2 year relationship and very happy.
I have had 3 or 4 long term relationships none of which ended in tragedy or with any hard feelings either.

I totally understand what has been written and do agree that me messaging her at random times was never a good idea.
Although I enjoyed our brief moments of re-communication the end result has always left me with more questions than answers.

I agree with the last post also,I will not contact her,Alot of water has passed under the bridge and maybe inside I would just like to try and figure out what her feelings were if any? Maybe that was part of the attraction in getting back in touch.

[Cinnabella]

Omg, you seem love her lots. But I guess she doesn't care to you anymore, or else she responded to you, although the hurt can be massive, but I think if she loved you, she would replied to your contacts, the only way that you can know is ask her directly, it's not fair to your current gf, how would she feel if she know this? 

[Jon1985]

Hi Cinnabella,

I wouldnt say I still love her as a person but maybe I loved the time we spent together and still like to know she is happy and safe.
I was always happy with being friends with her after we split up it always seemed to be her who had the issues with remaining friends,She would bring up the good times we had and that was something I was actually keen to avoid as I didnt want to commit that side of myself to her again without knowing the feeling was mutual.

Anytime we spoke and seemed to click again she vanished without reason that is what all this about,Figuring out why?
I have no intention of messaging her,Im making things worse by contacting her,We both have our own lives now,I just like to know she is ok.

Thanks for the reply