Hi All,
Can I just say a massive thanks for reading and hopefully advising me on this.
3 years+ together, couple of break ups, 6 year age gap. In spite of the break ups there is a strong emotional/physical bond between us and I know it sounds cliche but we do love each other.
No one else involved. No deceit or lies. Just miscommunication and fear of rejection on both sides really.
We had a massive row about 7/8 weeks ago, over something really trivial...but as the dust has settled I can see now we were pushing each other away. He wanted to attend a celebration where there would be people who have caused us angst in the past and usually I'd raise my head high and put on my 'show face' but loads has gone on with family recently and you know when you just don't think you can?! That!! :-)
Instead of talking it through he - I felt - put up a wall and refused to see the issue and so - not wanting to appear controlling - I played okay with his going.
He went. I wasn't okay. Both of us bickered afterwards. It manifested in a massive row and I asked him to leave. It wasn't what I wanted at all but I felt as though he was expecting so much of me and not prepared to give that back. I don't socialise (and don't especially want to) but when I do - there's awkwardness, questions, controlling behaviour ... All under the guide of care. We spent all our time together and if I ever worked late he would pass comment and criticise, which I kind if understand but my job wasn't flexi like his?
Long story ... Lol ... We spent time together over the holidays, as it was already organised and he played taxi when i went out with work ... Staying over...I KNOW!! There were hugs as I left at Christmas, panicked texts and calls. Followed by late night texts in the early hours which, I took my time to respond to and did my best to appear calm and confident after the first week post break up of tears, texts and calls!!
When he was away with work he was sending me picture messages, more recently has been to collect his things (my insistence) and it's clear there's still feelings there but he won't open up.
I did the whole NC and it had great results - he was hounding me and even rang but I just CBA playing games. We're at the 'occasional communication' stage, he says 'this is the best way' but then goes into panic mode if it looks like I'm moving on? He's going back into his cave and I am trying so hard to just let it happen but the longer this goes on the more I hurt. Pitiful I know!!!
There's obvious hurt on both sides. Ultimately, I'd like to reconcile and work through the hurt together but it's happened a couple of times now and I just need to know if I ought to just move on?
We both have trust issues, commitment is a scary word for both of us and I think we both push away instead of talking it through.
Someone say something sensible ... But be kind lol cos this hurts like hell right now.
Lilo x