silence fight

[overlooked]

Hi guys..
i dont know if my problem is worth asking solutions, but this is kinda bother me lately. i ccan't sleep well during the night, and can't really concentrate doing my work during the day. so i decided i'd better pour out my thoughts here, i hope someone can help me out somehow..

anyway..this is what's been bother me: i have this guy friend that i like very much for a longggg time. long story short, nothing happened between us. we remained friends. things havent been the same ever since he knew that i liked him. but we were trying our best to keep our relationship "normal" just the way before. although we tried very hard, it's kinda impossible for me to hide the fact that i still liked him, and hoping that someday somehow he would eventually like me. i think this became our major problem since for some reasons the timing was NEVER right. his mother passed away...his father gets diabetes complications...financial problem...older brother hasnt yet got a girlfriend...and so on.

I understand that those problem are real, and aren't easy ones (especially when all comes at once). I dont know if it's my mistake, but i lost my temper a few times when he clearly pushed me out of his life, and ignored me completely. I was still patient and tried damn hard to be patient and understand it all, but one day i couldnt hold it anymore. I was mad cause he was acting very weird to me, like he didnt respect me even as a person (we used to be best friends before). I texted him on his mobile, bragging about how i didnt like the way he treated me/ what he did the day before. and he was angry, saying that i was over reacting and "disturbing" him with texting him while he was busy working, with useless and stupid messages.

I know maybe for some people it can be regarded as a silly and not a serious argument..but for me, it was. Cos as far as i knew this guy (and that's heck a long time), he never once "scold" me that way. he was always patient towards me, and he knew how to "calm" me down if we got into argument. that's one of the reason why i liked him, cos whenever we got into a "fight", we ALWAYS made up. It's a good feeling knowing that we would always get better, despites anything. he even once told me "dont worry...the most important is we'll always make up even if we get into a heated argument, right?"

But since that time when he scold me, i lost all the will to talk to him anymore. Normally it would always either me or him who would try to break the ice when we didnt talk to each other after arguments. This time i feel like my presence is just an annoyance for him. He called me on my cell few months ago, but i didnt pick up (cos i was still upset with him), and we never tried anything else to fix this relationship anymore. I got scared thinking that he might rejects me and pushing me out of his life again. I'm tired for being in the roller coaster feeling of happy one day and upset the next. it's just sooo exhausting, and makes me not able to concentrate in anything that i do.

But these days i miss him so much. it's like i never miss anyone in my life like this much. I even cried a few nights ago, feeling so hopeless, i really want to make up, but i dont have the courage or even know how to. I'm afraid he still doesnt want me to be around and in his life at all...i dont know what he thinks or what he feels with all this silence fight between us. all i know is it upsets me so much. It's been months since we talked and laughed...my world feels so empty without him in it. i want to do anything just to make him back to the way before, but everytime i tried to text, phone or message him in msn, something stops me. i dont know what that is, but for some reason i just can't do it. maybe it's my ego, or something...i dont know...but it's so huge that i can't fight it, as much as i'd like to make up with him, i just couldnt do it. there's a voice in my head saying 'why do you have to do it first, if he doesnt even bother looking for you, and try to do anything to talk to you?"

am i nuts of having this thoughts? what should i do? i really dont like this feeling, cos i miss him so much, even if he doesnt like me romantically, but he's still my bestest friend, the one whom i always shared my feelings and thoughts to. the one who always makes me laugh like no one can. the one who brightens up my day just by saying "hi..how are you?"

i'm hurt...

[clearskies]

what i feel from ur long story u just need someone around for a company, laugh, whatever but not for love.. thats not wrong and its not abnormal.. most of us need someone cares for ask and gives us a smile.. books, jokes, funny films have the same effect, believe me.

[Gigabitch]

Oh, for God's sake. Swallow your pride. You owe him an apology and you know it. Write him a letter- that way you can apologize every time he reads it.

Life is too short to act the way you are.

[Pears]

You're on the obsessive side of things. He clearly didn't want to be more than friends with you, but you pushed him until he couldn't take it anymore and scold you. He lost his patience. There's only so much a person can take. He doesn't have any obligation to always fix things. If women want to be equals, they should learn how to resolve arguments too.

I don't think you can continue to be friends with him if you like him so much. The attraction will always be in the way. You need to either get with him, or get out.

[overlooked]

yes...i know that i'm wrong, and i have to fix this if i ever want to be friends with him again. but i dont know how. and for the record, i didnt force him to like me more than friends at all. i just want things to be just the way before he knew that i liked him. things were great, and we got along so well. that's what i want, him to be my best friend again, not more than that. he knows this, but he's still acting very weird and distance somehow.

and i dont think i have pride issue here, cos i did apologise many times as well...not always him fixing things up all the time. but this time is different. i feel like he doesnt even bother "trying" at all, u know? Last february was his birthday, and i said happy birthday to him via SMS. he said "thank you.." that was it. last May was my birthday, he didnt say anything. normally he'd say happy birthday too...even at midnight, just to be the first to say. now it's like we're strangers.

[DarkDwarf]

I agree with what has been said. This is your fault. Swallow your pride. He has no obligation to apologize.

[lastwish]

wow...your story sounds so similar to mine. Isn't it hard to love someone who is so cold to you? I say...gain some independence. You need to start focusing on yourself. What are your own goals in life? Start pursuing them. If you are so tired of this non reciprocation from him..then stop initiating. I was in your shoes once...and i felt so helpless and just way too attached. I keep on telling my ex that i missed him. But now, once i started focusing on myself...i feel so free, in control, and just so content with my life right now.

Go apologize to him about your lack of control over your own anger (now..a lady like you wouldn't lose control, would you?) and then move on. I did that to my ex. We're in good terms but I'm no longer so attached and dependent on him. Now..he tells me he misses me.

[1averagejoe]

wow...your story sounds so similar to mine. Isn't it hard to love someone who is so cold to you? I say...gain some independence. You need to start focusing on yourself. What are your own goals in life? Start pursuing them. If you are so tired of this non reciprocation from him..then stop initiating. I was in your shoes once...and i felt so helpless and just way too attached. I keep on telling my ex that i missed him. But now, once i started focusing on myself...i feel so free, in control, and just so content with my life right now.

Go apologize to him about your lack of control over your own anger (now..a lady like you wouldn't lose control, would you?) and then move on. I did that to my ex. We're in good terms but I'm no longer so attached and dependent on him. Now..he tells me he misses me.

I agree...about feeling free. First few months were very hard for me. But once I started doing stuff I wanted to do for a while, school started going better, I was just enjoying everything so much and it's awesome. Of course I miss those times being with someone. But the rest of the time is like having a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders. You've got a crush on the guy, you need to focus on yourself and being happy with yourself and not needing someone else.

And definitely go appologize. I'll admit I said and did some pretty mean things to my ex when I found out she cheated on me. I let my emotions get the best of me and so did you. But well, I ended up apologizing to her because that wasn't the normal me. I never would have done the things I had done...I snapped. Oh and don't worry, I never hit her, and never would hit a lady (although she was far from it). Just said and did some pretty mean things. As of now we're friendly with each other whenever we've run into each other, although personally I'd rather never see her again. But that's besides the point...go appologize.

As hard as it may seem, I think the best thing to do would be to remove contact from this guy. Your friendship has already been compromised by the fact that you liking him is out in the open. There will always be that awkward feeling. And it will only make it harder for you to get over him.

Good luck!

[overlooked]

hi all..okay so i finally forced myself to send him apologise message via email. i's just been sent. you guys were right, i feel much better after i apologise. i hope he check his email soon, and reply me.

i dont think i have nothing better to do besides thinking about him tho...i have life on my own too..i have my own business going, and it's been keeping me busy. but there's time between break time or before i go to bed that i start thinking about him again. i dont think i'm interested in him as a potential lover anymore tho...not because he's not interested in me, but there's a serious issue in his family (mainly the medical history) that needs to be concerned about. and i actually start to like someone else even though it's not that serious.

but let's keep that aside, i want him just to be my best friend. in the end, loosing him as a friend is so much worst than loosing him as a potential lover.

[clearskies]

good for you ... and him too