Just want the Truth...

[Carol]

I recently just got married- have been married a month now and my husband owns his own business which I am currently helping with but not sure if I should continue or why he ask me to work with him in the first place! 6 months ago he had asked me if I was at all interested in being partners with him in his business and said that he wanted to work with me on it as he felt I would really be an aset to things. I spent some time thinking about it and decided that this could be a good thing so I went about with the plans that once we were married we would be working together! It couldn't really happen before that because we were living some distance apart!
My first day in the office- none of his staff knew anything about me working with him on anything- and it has been 2 weeks and still no one really knows what I am doing here! He found an old computer that was full of dust and a keyboard that was literaly moldy for me to use when the rest of his staff is provided with laptops or nice computers. Basically had nothing set up and ready for me to come and start working and just put me off in a corner! He has been giving me jobs to do but only the jobs that all of his other staff have complained about doing- stuffing envelopes, going door to door handing out leaflets, ect. He asks that I wear a suit and heals but wants me to do the cleaning! I am fine with cleaning but let me dress as a cleaner :s
I have asked him about why he hasn't told his staff that we are going to be working together and he basically says he doesn't want to upset them.
When we had originally talked he said that we would both just be earning a bit over minumum wage because he wants to grow the business and invest as mush as possible in getting that to happen- this was a huge pay cut to what I was making before and now that he can't tell his staff that I am working here so I am basically not earning anything! This is ok because he is paying for my phone, the house, says he is going to buy me a car, and everything else but I just want to know what all of his actions mean?
I am more than qualified to be what he had asked me to be- have a BS in Business and Management- but feel he has changed his mind for some reason but when I ask he says he hasn't!

What advice can you give- should I get a new job? what is he thinking, and why is he doing what he is doing?

[kitkitkitty]

maybe he thinks that by giving you all the rubbish jobs and not being really nice to you in that environment [that's how i see it] is so that when he tells the rest of the staff that you'll be working together they won't feel like you're being prioritised because you're his wife? if this is the case it's still not very fair on you.

[nerdy_guy]

You're his wife. He just wants cheap labor. Imagine how much he has to pay another employee if he has to hire one. If you're comfortable with this setup, then that is your decision. Its really up to you if you want a little bit more income for yourself.

[kitkitkitty]

^^ thats another point... my step dad runs his own business and my mum worked as one of his secretaries for a while [hardly sexy lol] and because they're married she always used to get paid last, didn't get bonuses etc.. which has been a touchy subject for me because my step dad doesn't pay for electricity, weekly food shop, tax, mortgage.... yet my mum thinks it's ok because he was the one paying her. she doesn't work for him anymore but he still gives her some money [hardly anything tbh] and she's now a free-lance gardener! from what i've heard it can be hard working with your husband/ partner as you boss/ whatever because he's in a different environment and you may see a side to him that you don't want to. if you're this unhappy now confront him.. if you can't reach a mutual agreement then i'd honestly start looking for another job.

[Carol]

thanks for the comments- so you don't think he was actually serious about us being partners?? That was the original discussion that he brought up and he said that is what he wanted! I am the kind of person who takes a lot of self worth from the jobs that I have had- and right now this job has made me feel pretty worthless to be honest! I can handle it if it is just short term- do you think it is short term or should I expect things to continue in this way?

I am seriously ok with not earning much to support his business as long as our needs are being met- which they are and if we are working together I am ok with that as well I just don't understand why all the talk before and now things are so different! I know that he is not earning much in the business right now and if I get a different job we would actually probably be better off financially- and the jobs he is giving me can be done by someone who he wouldn't have to pay much so don't understand why he is doing what he is doing. I keep asking what he wants me to do and he keeps saying that he wants me to work with him in his business but don't feel that in his actions!

My parents worked together for many years and while they had their share of problems they seemed to work them out and be ok with everything...

[Carol]

am I being niave in thinking that one day I won't feel like it is his business but it is our business???

[kitkitkitty]

it's not naive at all, as he seems to have suggested it. i just don't want you to feel let down if he just wants you to work for him to stop...idk a situation with his other workers. but i honestly hope it'll work. maybe you can talk to your parents, see how they started off and all that.

[Carol]

but it just seems like he has changed his mind about things and don't really know why- and he wont give me any straight answers! When I ask him about my job here he just says he doesn't know and I will have to grow into it or something like that! I feel like I have been hired for a job and have not been given any job but just to do odd jobs here and there and to see what happens!

And what is the deal with the treatment? He found the worst equipment he could find- yes, the honey moom is over but don't people normaly want the best for their spouse? That is what I would want for him. The junky, dirty, moldy computer isn't the problem- it is the feelings behind it all- is like he doesn't really care about me and I feel like I am not important at all to him! Maybe the problem is that I am a women and take things wrong- but I would atleast think he would treat me like he would treat the rest of his staff?

[Gigabitch]

How is he paying the bills and buying you a car at almost minimum wage? This whole thing is shady and I don't like it.

I think he just wants you where he can keep an eye on you all day and wants to make sure you're dependent on him. I think you should go and get a job of your own, one where your keyboard isn't moldy and you're not expected to clean the office.

[lovefool87]

I agree with Giga. You have a degree for screaming out loud! Maybe he thought you made more money than he did, didn't like it, and found a way to get you under his control by making empty promises of being a partner.

Get your own well-paying job, and if he needs financial help, you can offer it. That's what partners do. Partners DO NOT, however, clean offices and work with dinosaur computers.

[nerdy_guy]

am I being niave in thinking that one day I won't feel like it is his business but it is our business???

You'd know the good feeling if its your business and not his business

[Indignant]

i am going to take the husband's side. i know a lot of people who have started their own businesses. i have been in that situation in my previous marriage as well. the wives do need to do odd jobs to save money on hiring someone else and pay them salary. on the other hand you don't need to be paid if this your business. the income is shared equally between spouses. i have done the whole mail/cleaning/distributing flyers position. once you get more accustomed to the nature of business, than he will delegate other responsilbilities. and as far as using old computers and such, do you know for a fact that he has the extra money to spend on new equipment or maybe he has other priorities at this time? how well is the business doing right now?

what type of business is it btw?

[IndiReloaded]

What she^ said. Income splitting is a good way to reduce your taxes.

But, how old is the business? If you are married and you contribute to the business, then you will have ownership in some of it. Make sure you document what you do and are getting a signed cheque.

Oh, and if you want some independence, you can still get another job with your degree and work PT for your business.

[IndiReloaded]

How is he paying the bills and buying you a car at almost minimum wage? This whole thing is shady and I don't like it.

Its not really a car for her, tho she can use it. It will be claimed as a business expense. They had better keep good records or they will get busted on their new business audit. So many people start businesses thinking they will claim all sorts of things, not realizing it has to be a justified expense.

[Indignant]

can i also mention that in my boss' multi billion dollar business his mom is stuffing envelopes and his wife does odd jobs. heck, so do i from time to time. that's what you get for being in a family business. of course we get top of the line computers, but when they just started, his family was the last to get any upgrades. it's just how it works.