it's dragging out... a bit of a dillema... I blame dating sites lol!

[savoysuit]

o here's my dillema...

I've been dating/in contact with this girl for about a month and a half now. We met through a dating site (which she still updates and checks very regularly). In that time we've been on 2 fairly dates, and talked for many hours on the phone, texted a bit, and added each other on facebook. Now, the thing is, this was mostly in October... in November I've seen her once briefly (at an event she invited me to that I could only stay at for a few minutes).

Throughout November we'd arranged a few times to meet up but she ended up canceling them (albeit for what seem like generally legit reasons). A lot of this (especially in the second half of the month and now) has to do with school... she's been burdened with exams and essays and her job. A couple weeks ago she told that her canceling all this time was NOT her blowing me off. This re-assured me... but I'm having a real hard time reading her interest levels.

When I text her she usually responds, but not always (I don't text her that often... maybe once or twice a week recently... left a facebook wall post about 3 days ago with no response). Same for phone calls (some respond, some not). Anyway, she's indicated that as of December 2nd she'll be a lot freer (no more school stuff), and I'm really hoping she'll come through with that. She said she was looking forward to seeing my work (I'm an artist) at that time. I feel as if there might be something there, but I haven't see her nearly enough to be sure yet. I really hate for this kind of process to drag on indefinitely. I'm getting sort of mixed signals, and it's frustrating. I'm the type who either goes full in or not at all... none of this wishy-washy stuff. Like to know where I stand in other words. Maybe I just hate dating sites because of the insecurity they cause me... I dunno lol.

I guess my question is how long should I let this stuff go on before I have a talk with her about making this a more regular thing/or moving on altogether...? I only date one person at a time, so I don't want to drag this out... she's said she doesn't fall for someone right away... it takes her a while to get to that point. My concern is that the longer it goes, she might be dating other people, thus minimizing my chances (again, the dating site thing lol). Cut off? or continue to see where it goes? when to ask her?

[ecojeanne]

yes i just joined a dating website and have been asked on a couple of dates but i have to say i'm scared shitless that they are pretending to be normal and when they get me to meet them...i'm a dead women lol it might sound crazy, but i'm not sure i should have joined at all...coz how can you really know the other person is telling the truth about themselves. i'm reluctant to put a picture up too. i'm a scaredy cat....maybe she is being careful?

[savoysuit]

well as I said, we've already met a few times. We've talked a lot (especially at the beginning)... and I'm not a freak or anything lol. I'm a guy and I was suspicious about dating sites as well... I thought only freaks hung out there lol. But no, she's quite nice

[lesa]

Same for me ecojeanne. I tried the online thing once and we decided to meet. However, before then I was scared. I did not want to place a picture, give my phone number or email. I did not trust a word he said. He seemed to have potential and I allowed it to progress for a month online just talking philosophy mostly. If he started off talking about me and meeting me and dating I probably would not have finally made contact.

Then I thought, hey I do the exact same thing in person. At least I know more about him online than the imposter I meet out in the streets.

She may need time. However, I do not believe in 'online dating' or whatever it is called. Decide a time for yourself and go from there.

[savoysuit]

ah! But as I said, we've already progressed PAST the online stage...

[lesa]

Yes, but has she mentally progressed past it? She seems to be thinking it's still online dating or simply dating and she is still trying to find others to date. It's only my guess.

[savoysuit]

well I don't know... we don't talk online through the dating site anymore... that stopped after the first phone call...

[carl1222]

She's already told you that things should be better starting next Tuesday ... why not give her the benefit of the doubt and just wait and see? Since you are not in a committed relationship yet, there's nothing wrong with her keeping her dating site page active and up to date, and her busy schedule explains her less than attentive attitude right now.

Patience!

Carl.

[lesa]

Ah, well maybe give her another month or a time that you are okay. It's actually okay to simply discuss your expectation now. That is, you only date one person at a time and expect that the person you are dating does the same. See how she reacts and then go from there.

[savoysuit]

things is I don't think it would be fair to impose my dating style on her. If she dates more than one person at a time, well then I should let her. I don't want to make her feel suffocated this early..

EDIT: and she just commented on my facebook status. Any contact without my having to initiate it is a good sign methinks.

[Bokonon]

I recommend stop thinking about her so much and go on dates with some other girls from the dating website. If something is going to come about with this girl, obsessing over it only has the potential of killing it.

[ny2468]

I recommend stop thinking about her so much and go on dates with some other girls from the dating website. If something is going to come about with this girl, obsessing over it only has the potential of killing it.

X2 I have found that delays in communication end up being nothing. One girl I talked to a few times the first week, then left a message with her, and heard nothing for two weeks! Finally she gets back to me (which I did not expect, I gave up after a couple days), saying how sorry she is and that she wants to get together, bla, bla, bla, I call back, we plan a date, then she backs out "said she has to help a friend in need.. can she take a raincheck"

Also, back off a little, let her come to you, I have found when I get too focused it pushes the girl away.

She's already told you that things should be better starting next Tuesday ... why not give her the benefit of the doubt and just wait and see? Since you are not in a committed relationship yet, there's nothing wrong with her keeping her dating site page active and up to date, and her busy schedule explains her less than attentive attitude right now.
Patience!
Carl.

Def give it a chance, but don't get your hopes up too high, and casually look around (this also takes your focus away from her). Did he say she updated her dating site? If so, that stinks she chooses to do that instead of talking to him.

[savoysuit]

yes, she was updating her profile. Although you know, nobody's forcing her to be exclusive with me yet. Certainly not at this point anyway. I just want to give it a chance....

I think I'll call her on the 2nd or 3rd and see what happens....

[savoysuit]

I know she was still using the dating site in the week between our first and second dates... a time when I know for a fact that she was still interested...

[savoysuit]

so I talked to her last night (for about 30 minutes)... she's busy today and tomorrow (working late), but she doesn't know her weekend schedule yet. So I figured I'd call her tomorrow after she gets off work and see if she's free on the weekend.