The Difference Between Being Loved and Being Needed

[tracybelle]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years now. I was so sure we love each other so much and so last year I decided to quit from a job overseas and chose to put up a business with him. I thought then that working closely to each other would make our relationship stronger and better. But, lately I feel something is not so right. I know he still loves me as he still do a lot of things for me and takes care of me. He's there everytime I ask for him and answers when I call or sms. And that's my concern. I feel that he is seeing me because he knows I want to see him and not because he really wants to see me. Lately, I feel like am the one who always initiate things and making the first move, he responds though. Seems that he's just spending time with me so not to frustrate me and not because he wants time with me. I feel that he doesn't need me anymore. I already tried talking to him about how I feel but he accused me of being "needy." Am I?

[VincenzoG91]

You're over-thinking this. It's entirely possible that two competent and self-sufficient people can love each other without needing each other. Love itself can be the only need. Maybe what you're really feeling is that the spark is gone, that the heart-pounding excitement from early in your relationship has disappeared. That's normal, and it's nothing to worry about. In fact, it would be sad and self-destructive to go through life chasing that fleeting sensation, constantly starting and ending relationships just for that giddy falling-in-love sensation. I think that kind of passion can grow into something stronger but more subtle and stable and lasting, if you are patient and attentive to one another.

[tracybelle]

You must be right. Thanks!

[lahnnabell]

If you want him to reciprocate on his own more, you need to pull back. Go a day or two without contacting him and see what he does. Hopefully, he'll initiate contact and start to chase you a little bit. It worked for me a few months ago. Why not give it a try?

[VincenzoG91]

If you want him to reciprocate on his own more, you need to pull back. Go a day or two without contacting him and see what he does. Hopefully, he'll initiate contact and start to chase you a little bit. It worked for me a few months ago. Why not give it a try?

And in the mean time, he can monitor her every keystroke on her computer.

[lahnnabell]

Oh snap. Same poster, huh? Girl, you and your man have some serious issues. All of this combined leaves me thinking you need to get rid of his sorry ass.