My crazy life for the last 4 months

[chillingsr]

Recap: Not sure if any of you remember but about 4 months ago the ex decided she needed space and wanted to be alone. We were together for about 4 1/2 years, did everything together, etc... At first I flipped out and tried everything to get her back. Wasn't successful and after about a month and a half I realized I needed to move on and forget about her. I was killing myself day after day thinking about her. At that point NC was initiated and we ended on bad terms. I just let everything out I was feeling. Thats when I changed my daily routine, started working out, and started going out with my friends more. Started thinking less and less about her and about a month and half ago decided to start looking for other women. This is when disaster struck for me. I start going out every weekend and about a month ago I start hanging out with some girl. Here in lies the problem: she is one of my friend's ex-girlfriend's and my ex and her do not get along. We are seeing each other behind my friend's back and everything seems good til I start realizing what the hell I am really doing and how bad the situation has gotten. Way too many people knew and some of my friends started turning on me. At this point my ex-girlfriend found out and she absolutely flipped out. Kept calling me and I wouldn't answer. Finally, I did and she just bled her heart out to me. Telling me that she made a mistake, that she still is in love me, just everything. The roles had kind of switched. She was in the same position I was when she broke up with me.For 3 straight days she kept calling me just crying. (Weird part about that is I started getting calls from the ex about 2 weeks before any of this happened I just never answered them. Come to find out she was calling because she wanted to see me and talk about things.) Well I didn't really tell the ex all the details about what happened between me and the other girl. At this point I just had too much going on in my life. I had been hanging out with this other girl for like 2 1/2 weeks and things were pretty good between us. She just kept pushing me to tell my friend about us and get it out in the open. I had to deal with 30-35 hours at work, full time at college, dealing with my problems, my friends problems, the ex, and the other girl. I told the other girl that the timing was just not right now and that everyting that had happened was great, it just couldn't happen right now and I needed to get away from everything. She couldn't handle that and she started stalking me. She and her friend were calling me like 30 times a night, leaving voicemails, text messages, driving around trying to find me and stuff. One night I had 40 missed calls between 2 AM and 5 AM. That was it for me. I couldn't take all the drama anymore. I told her that she needed to stop. This led to blackmailing me. Telling me she was going to find me and my friend and tell everybody she knew with both of us around and that she was going to call my ex and tell her everything unless I hung out with her. That's when I just had to tell my friend and come clean with everybody. I did and I felt so much better. I told the ex everything and as we were talking my phone kept ringing. That other girl kept calling. So my ex just decides to call the girl and tell her nicely to stop stalking me. The response she got was "I Rode His C*ck Better than you B*tch" I was like what are we in high school. So this girl now is trying to find me and my ex to ruin are lives. She leaves me some crazy voicemail saying she is going to mess my life up, my ex's life up, and she is going to beat the crap out of her. Well they meet face to face and this girl is just running her mouth to my ex. Well my ex takes it and takes it until she just whacks her straight in the face. This girl calls the cops and I guess her nose got broken. Now my ex has to go to court and go through that whole process. Now a few weeks have passed I have needed to change my e-mail address, cell phone number just to get that other girl to leave me alone. Now I no longer hang out with some of my ex-friends, this girl has stopped calling me and things with my ex are even more messed up. After telling my ex everything we sat down and had a decent talk and it seemed like things were starting to look good. We hung out a few times, kissed, acted like we used to towards each other. Talked about old times and how she missed so much stuff we did together. Then it goes to her not being able to get it out of her head that I slept with this other girl. It is so messed up, we end up arguing everytime we talk now. Well 3 days ago was the last argument and I just let everything thing out again. Told her how much I loved her, that I did nothing wrong with that other girl, how she butted her nose back into my personal life and now she doesn't know what he wants. Basically I just yelled and told her how I felt and told her that I think we should just go back to not talking and for us to go our separate ways. Haven't heard from her since. I don't know what to do. I know she wants me in her life, she just can't get the picture of me sleeping with some other girl out of her head. I don't know what to do. So much crazy stuff has happened. Sorry for the long post, I just really need some advice. Thanks.

[appleCore]

Hmmm. What a messy situation - and I thought mine was bad : ). If she can't get over her feelings about this other girl she must be feeling very threatened. The only thing you can do if you want her to feel better is reassure her. Constantly. But, if she can't get over it, why did she try and get you back in the first place? It seems a little off that she wants you to commit to her again but can't deal with the past.

The other thing you might want to ask yourself is whether the relationship is worth it. On again off again relationships are a lot of work and involve a lot of passionate breaking up and getting back together. Do you want to grow old with her? If you do, maybe you should try councelling together so you can both look at your problems from a different perspective. If you don't (want to grow old with her) don't waste anymore energy on building a relationship with her. Focus on re-building a life based on making yourself happy, ask yourself what YOU want to do with your life. If she has a part in it that should come secondarily to these other aspects. Eventually once you have moved on you can come to care about her as a friend, hopefully. It seems hard to let go of such an intense relationship but healing your life has to come first. Also, know that there are plenty of people out there who are willing to care about you, and they won't all be crazy stalkers. Hopefully, anyway. : )

[chillingsr]

Thanks for the reply. Just an update: I know this is going to be a very tough situation. Here's the problem now. She isn't sure what she wants to do about the whole situation. She keeps thinking about me and this other girl no matter what I do or say to her. Situation is so messed up, she comes back into my life, gets this other girl away from me, gets all close with me again, and now decides she isn't sure if she can do this. I am so fed up with this crap. It's like pulling teeth with her to get anything out of her. Why show back up in my life and tell me you want to be together and then decide you aren't sure if you can do it? I told her it is going to be a tough situation but I am willing to work through it because I love her. Not sure what is going to happen but it doesn't look good right now.

[toto]

What flim is this again......What a nightmear! I have to say it did raise a smile or to when i was reading thorough it, sorry.
From a netural view, and as someone who has been was in a relationship where you live out of each others pockets, my advice is to walk away! What you had before is gone and dont blame yourself, she left you! Just because you where getting on with your life doesnt mean she can hold it aginst you. You sounded like you had your life back on track before you meet the stalker.
I do realise i dont know what the relationship between the two of you was like so i suppose i am a bit one sided but when ever she called you wanting you back, you had your best opportunity to show her she messed up big time, and you have moved on.
Good luck!!!

[bluestrattos]

i read your post and it reminds me of Jerry Springer Show . (sorry for the comparison). About your situation: walk away of everything. I would suggest to give your ex a chance, after all she tried to talk you to get you back before all this mess, but only if you both agree to forget the past and start over again, clean.