Eating at me, very torn

[HurtDude]

A short background:

Met this girl September of 2006. she was with someone for 7 years. she cheated on him with me because she fell in love with me. The next 8 months were ups and downs..she still loved him.

2 months ago we got into a huge fight and she cut contact me. Two weeks later she started it up with me with a 2 hour phone convo (I didn't ask about the other guy), but then I saw her ex bf..and he saw me (he is from the other side of the country so its kind of a big deal). So I decided that I cant even try to be friends with her. She sent me a text message "whats up i saw you the other day" to which I said "I saw ___ today and he didn't look happy to see me. Please don't contact me anymore." She sent me a text immediately after that saying "I didn't know he was going to be here"

I didn't respond.

Two weeks later, she sends a short email, reiterating that she didnt know he was going to be in town and that he has no harsh feelings towards me.

I didn't respond.

Another three weeks go by and she sent me another text, about a big trip i have coming up which she knew about before we stopped talking: "I'm assuming you blocked my emails, just wanted to say have a safe trip. I think about you frequently...take care"

That text was a week ago. At first this didn't bother me. I'm seeing someone new and i like her very much, but starting about three days ago I've been having this really guilty feeling like even though she choose him over me, she still cares about me and shes trying to get some sort of contact out of me. I don't know what to do. The mind says don't respond because she might take my response and not respond to it and leave like that. The heart says that I love this girl alot and she is reaching out to me in her own weird ways and I'm no better than she is if I ignore them. But what do I say? I'm so afraid of contacting her...I'm very torn about this. I've been having dreams about asking her to look at the stars with me a few nights before my big trip. By that I mean sending her an out of the blue text message that says "I'll be at our former usual place looking at the stars at so and so time, if you can join me it would be great" but alot of people told me not to do that.

This is the type of girl who would be afraid to make the first move during no contact like this. And from previous experience..she is more likely to not contact me ever again rather than face her fear and contact me.


On a side note, she recently changed her msn picture to a pic of me and her and her other friend. Don't know if thats saying anything.


I'm so torn. I took a one hour shower thinking I'd be able to resolve this in there, but it didnt work. Help!

[GratefulOne]

It definitely sounds like a mixed set of messages.

This is something, I'm afraid, you won't be able to resolve for yourself in an hour long shower. Take some more time for yourself, get some space, think about other people and other things, and you'll find much more clarity!

[Ath]

My opinion.. lose the girl. She cheated on her SO of 7 years? I'm just a tad bitter, but if she cheated on the old one.. she'll damn sure cheat on you. Women like this are the bane of my existence. Sure, it's all great when you're on the other side of the relationship, but eventually, it'll be you in the hotseat being cheated on. Think about it. She didn't even have enough repect for someone she's been with for 7 years to at least break up first.

My unprofessional, yet experienced advice is to break all contact with this girl. There's a ton of em out there. If you pursue this chick, I see nothing but heartache and betrayal in the future.

[Marcel]

Listen to your little voice inside of you that says " Don't respond" Evidently she is playing with you. You have a new girlfriend...good ! Move on !
Don't respond !