Maybe the strangest love story... need advice please!!

[vicfer84]

Hi everyone!!

I am a spanish student that is spending his exchange period in Florida from August until december '06. I really need some advice because maybe I am experiencing one of the most strange love/or not love stories in the world...

First I have to tell all the stuff previous to come to the US. Last year I met a girl (Ester) in the web, we started talking everyday and after some time we decided to meet eachother, we instantly felt in love eachother and all was almost perfect. I say almost because we faced our exam period, in different universities, and she started to feel really anxious and stressed because of that. Our relationship started to go a bit wrong but nothing to be very afraid. But then, I lost any contact of her, she literally disappeared, I called her several times but I didn't have any response. I thought that she decided to split with me because I was going out of home during 5 months and she didn't trust that I wouldn't have any affair with any other girl during that. So I started to try to forget her.

I month ago, when I was already in USA, we started to talk thru the net, and after some stupid talking I decided to ask her what happened. She said that I was one of the worse persons she had never met because I left her with any explanation. Of course, I didn't understand anything so I asked what happened and she told me the following: she had a very strong illness and was in the hospital during 15 days in intensive care. She couldn't call me or say nothing because she was nearly in comma. So... I felt like the most stupid guy ever in earth, first because I thought that she was a non-reliable person tthat hurted me but most of all because while she was ill I didn't so anything to help or take care of her.

My problem is the following one: I really love her, we had been talking almost everyday since that (sometimes more than 4 hours per day, like the good times), I really want to be with her, but:
a) I don't know if she wants it too... I am a bit optimistic because after all that I think that as time goes by she is starting to feel the same she felt for me... but I am sure she wants to wait until I come back to Spain.
b) Until I come back, there are still more than 2 months, in which she can meet another guy and fall in love with him, and I wouldn't come back and find her with another guy.
c) I have decided that I am going to do everything that I can to be with her, of course, I am not going to try nothing with other girls, but, I really don't know how to stand day after day with the feeling that I can't do nothing to be with her. I am so far and there is too time until I come back that, sometimes I feel depressed.

I would thank anyone that could help me, because I really need to have some advice on what should I do and what shouldn't I do.

Thanks a lot to everybody!!!

PS: sorry for my english level and for such a long story!!!

[Gigabitch]

What are you supposed to be, psycic? How were you to know she was in a near-coma?

She sounds unreasonable. She also is someone you've never met. I don't see the harm in pursuing it, but I would have Plan B in mind as well, in case she disappears again.

[vicfer84]

The fact is that we met eachother, and we were together for a long time. Maybe it was understood because I hadn't express myself very good.
Of course I had no idea that she was in such situation, but the main point is how can I do to rebuild things up and start again a new relationship with her?

[vashti]

Please clarify: have you actually ever met this girl in person? And if yes, how often did you see her and for how long?

[vicfer84]

i met her in April and we saw eachother almost everyday until July (we live really near)

[vashti]

You saw her nearly every day for a few months and didn't think it necessary to see if she was okay after she fell off the face of the earth? Did you really have absolutely no way to reach her or did you just not try hard enough?

[Gigabitch]

Yeah, were you just thinking she ditched you or something? Do you have self-esteem issues or what?

[hitch]

But then, I lost any contact of her, she literally disappeared, I called her several times but I didn't have any response. I thought that she decided to split with me because I was going out of home during 5 months and she didn't trust that I wouldn't have any affair with any other girl during that. So I started to try to forget her.

Well, evidently he did try to contact her and self esteem issues aren't the problem here. Obviously he's here for some help:

Alright, things you should do:

• Keep talking to her
• Try to see if she calls you just as much as you call her
• Keep the coversation friendly

Things you shouldn't do:

• Ask her about a relationship (it will come in time)
• Don't ask about the illness unless she brings it up
• Don't get angry or frustrated with her (she's in a very difficult situation because you are going back to Spain)

I hope these help...

[vashti]

I have to say that if I were this girl, I would have a very hard time getting over this. I doubt very sincerely that most girls would be able to get over it.