desperate?

[buzwiz]

Question for the guys ;-)

If you ended it with a girl after 2 1/2 months and you ended it on your terms (see broken hearts forum- *sigh* dumped for further information ) If she later asked you if you would be willing to give the relationship another chance would you see the girl as being to cling/deperate or whatever or is it ok to ask once? if so whats the best way to do it casually?

thanks
xxxx

[Junket]

He ended it with you?

On his terms?

I doubt he'd care to get back with you for anything more than sex.

[buzwiz]

I doubt he'd care to get back with you for anything more than sex

He isnt like that, he never asked for sex once he knew i wasnt ready for that and he respected me and how far i was willing to go on my terms...we never had sex so i cant see him having me back just for sex.

He ended it with you?

On his terms?

yes he ended it but it wasnt as simple as it sounds, he said stuff which makes me think he still cares like he started the conversation with `i miss you` and then we fell out and he ended it because i pointed out it didnt seem like he cared anymore and he said mabey he didnt etc etc etc so i quoted the `i miss you` and he was like ` i do, but then im like do i? idk` so now im like....mabey there could still be something there?:S

[Junket]

You can still care for somebody with the knowledge that they're simply not right for you.

I guess it wouldn't hurt to throw the suggestion at him, but just don't expect the results you're seeking, and let it go if he turns you down again.

That's what I say.

[anachronistic]

Well, is it blind desperation? If not, it doesn't really matter; desperation can be good, too.

[buzwiz]

blind desperation? :S what do you mean?:S

[anachronistic]

Blind desperation is when you don't care who it is as long as it's a relationship or as long as you're getting whatever you want (sex, money, whatever) The other desperation is when your desperate for one specific person, whom your life revolves around and whatnot.

[buzwiz]

I want him because it is him i want, i want to see all the little things that are personal to him, run my fingers through his hair, smell his smell, tickle his hairy belly, smile back to his smile, laugh at the random crap he says and just be close to him.

Even now i would do absolutely anything for him if it would make him happy. I don't care about the materialistic stuff the relationship was never about that, he never had money, we never had sex, there was never anything else i want from him except him wanting me and me wanting him.

I miss the silly little arguments which never meant anything, the random saying and just the feeling of knowing he was always there for me.

Yes if i wanted to i could move on and leave the past behind me but i don't want to. I have had to force myself not to talk to him online the last few days, i`ve sat listening to the music which he listens to for hours and hours ( i now actually like it myself )just because hearing it blocked out the hurt of knowing he wasn't there for me anymore but also knowing that the music i was listening to was the music which made him happy (he loves his music)

I just don't know what the right way is to go about getting him back knowing that he is as stubborn and as difficult as hell.

let it go if he turns you down again.

ive got no intention of perusing it if he doesn't want to give it another go, if he wants to try again its got to be because he wants to and thinks that its worth it not because ive nagged him that much he doesnt know what else to do that would just lead to more pain in the long run

[anachronistic]

Wow, I am actually curious as to why he dumped you then. I will read the post in broken hearts later. I'm putting a black dot on this one.

[buzwiz]

well i tried and he said that he isn't ready for a relationship with anyone right now and that he want to find a job so he can sort himself out and move out and stuff and that his feelings towards me have changed.

Im glad that he is going to focus upon finding a job because i think it will be good for him in the long run otherwise he is going to get himself in a mess. so as long as he is happy and is focusing on sorting his life out then im happy because that is far more important at the moment

We`ll go back to being friends again and hopefully everything will work out the way he hopes it will and ill go back to *enjoying* being young, free and single as long as i dont loose him as a friend then im happy that hes happy

xxxxx

[lastwish]

Great. If its ok with you that you both can just be friends. But the first post sounds to me you have much more feelings for him than just friends. Sooner or later you would want to continue with persuing the romantic route. And then again he would be pressured. People can't just be friends if at least one have more than friendship on their mind. Right now, a relationship isn't on his mind...starting a career, making something out of himself and thinking about his own future is what he has on his mind. This is a good thing for him. Maybe when he finally gets the financial and career stability he wants, chances for a relationship for both of you might be possible. However because he says his feelings has changed, he might not have anything romantic for you so he might want to date other people. I'll say if you think you can handle a friendship with him then keep in contact with him (I wouldn't say this is the best route because it would be difficult if you have romantic feelings for him). Do what you must but be true to your own feelings.

[buzwiz]

I do still have feeling for him, much more than i originally realized i guess its true absence really does make the heart grow fonder I think about him throughout the day little things like seeing world of war craft in game station or hearing phrases he uses bring so many feelings back to me and every time it makes me realize i no longer have him

I'm not as happy in myself as i used to be and everyone has noticed that ive gone back to being a miserable git like i was before we got together the first few days were ok but if anything its getting harder.

I haven't spoken to him yet because he has gone on holiday for the week but i cant wait for him to get back so i can just chat to him again I am beginning to wonder if the whole staying friends will be as easy as i originally thought but i really don't think i could cut him out. I worry about him, even before we got together, before i had any intention of us getting together, before i even met him in person i worried about him, he would talk to me about alot of personal stuff, he told me all about the shit he had done in the past (and some of it is pretty bad) he was even very open with me about his attempted suicide and i cant cut him out knowing that he is heading towards the same place again now.(not unnecessarily the suicide but the circumstances in while the attempted suicide resulted from last time) i cared about him to much then when he was just a `cyber person` so i certainly cant walk away from him now.

so he might want to date other people. I'll say if you think you can handle a friendship with him then keep in contact with him

It will hurt me to see him with someone else especially if it is anytime soon but i figured im 17 i`ll get over him eventually and in my opinion it isn't worth loosing contact with a friend for feelings which i will eventually get over. I wont pressure him into us getting back together because i don't want to be in a relationship that is one sided i told him the last time that i spoke to him that it was the last time that i would mention `us` and i meant it.

i do wonder though if things would be different if he hadnt got kicked out of college, everything was so good between us then and nothing was properly `right` since...ive reflected alot and seen that there is alot i could have changed and we might not have been where we are now...but hey no point having regrets cant change that now just gotta learn from my mistakes and make the most of having a friendship even if it can never be more...hopefull it will be as easy as i originally though but...we`ll see :S

[Tedel]

The chances of returning are very very low. You'd better move on.

[buzwiz]

The chances of returning are very very low. You'd better move on.

I dont think he will return, i never have he said its over and im pretty sure that he means it and im not going to give myself false hope (however it doesnt help when people say stuff like `mabey he`ll feel better when he gets back off holiday and you can sort things out` because i know the chances of that happening are as good as non-existant.

However its the way the conversation went that made me wonder if mabey there was something still there but hes got too much on right now and is confused or doesnt know what he wants or something. A few parts of the conversation which make me wonder are shown below.


ME ` Viper: i miss u` ` why you have to play games?
HIM: i do but im like, do i really
HIM: idk

(the `i miss you` was quoted from the very begining of our conversation a few hours before we fell out)

ME: so nyway yeah, if i hadnt have been a pain in the arse tonite when exactly wud u have gotta around to saying this?
HIM: i dont know,
HIM: wudnt of been long
HIMr: its harsh on u if i had kept it from u
ME:why have you had to drag it on for so long? if you felt that way you sudda just sed time ago instead of bullshitting me
HIM: its not dragged on for so long
HIM: its been on my mind a short while
HIM: i didn't wana make a stupid decision in case i was wrong

(me being a pain the the arse was me saying that i felt like he wasnt bothered about `us` anymore)

ME:considering we just broke up this conversation is weirdly normal
HIM: we got on better as friends maybe?
ME: Do you think we can do the while `lets just be friends` thing without it going wrong?
HIM: we can be friends easy
HIM: imo


(this is why i want to stay friends, we get on so well even when things are bad)

He also repeatidly said that he did care until i pointed out the things that he doesnt do anymore then he said
HIM: maybe ur rite
HIM: maybe i dont care
HIM: what then?
ME: then like i sed you aint bothered anymore :S
HIM: well theres ur answer

So yeah little things like that make me wonder if hes just confused or got more important things to worry about at the moment :S

[Tedel]

I think he was trying to tell you he's not interested anymore without mentioning those words.

There are times, actually, in which, when a man turns down a woman, she makes his life miserable in revenge. Even if you are not that kind of girl, he doesn't seem to be willing to run any risk.

My humble opinion.