"Why 'Nice Guys' are often such LOSERS"

[Michael6084]

i was surfing the web a couple minutes ago and came across a site called "hearless-bitches.com". it had this article that i found was interesting and i found was helpful just cuz whoever wrote this told it like it is. to women i suppose this is obvious, but for the self-proclaimed "nice guys" here, this should be valuable.

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You hear it all the time: "He was such a NICE Guy, and she's such a Heartless Bitch for dumping him."

I get letters from self-professed Nice Guys, complaining that women must WANT to be treated like shit, because THEY, the "Nice Guy" have failed repeatedly in relationships. This is akin to the false logic that "Whales are mammals. Whales live in the sea. Therefore, all mammals live in the sea."

If you have one bad relationship after another, the only common denominator is YOU. Think about it.

What's wrong with Nice Guys? The biggest problem is that most Nice Guys (tm) are hideously insecure. They are so anxious to be liked and loved that they do things for other people to gain acceptance and attention, rather than for the simply pleasure of giving. You never know if a Nice Guy really likes you for who you are, or if he has glommed onto you out of desperation because you actually paid some kind of attention to him.

Nice Guys exude insecurity -- a big red target for the predators of the world. There are women out there who are "users" -- just looking for a sucker to take advantage of. Users home-in on "Nice Guys", stroke their egos, take them for a ride, add a notch to their belts, and move on. It's no wonder so many Nice Guys complain about women being horrible, when the so often the kind of woman that gets attracted to them is the lowest form of life...

Self-confident, caring, decent-hearted women find "Nice Guys" to be too clingy, self-abasing, and insecure.

Nice Guys go overboard. They bring roses to a "lets get together for coffee" date. They try to buy her affections with presents and fancy things. They think they know about romance, but their timing is all wrong, and they either come-on too strong, too hard and too fast, OR, they are so shy and unassertive, that they hang around pretending to be "friends", in the hope that somehow, someway, they will get the courage up to ask her out for a "date".

They are so desperate to please that they put aside their own needs, and place the object of their desire on a pedestal. Instead of appreciating her, they worship her. We are only human, and pedestals are narrow, confining places to be -- not to mention the fact that we tend to fall off of them.

They cling to her, and want to be "one" with her for fear that if she is out of sight, she may disappear or become attracted to someone else. A Nice Guy often has trouble with emotional intimacy, because he believes that if she learns about the REAL person inside, she will no longer love him.

Nice Guys are always asking HER to make the decisions. They think it's being equitable, but it puts an unfair burden of responsibility on her, and gives him the opportunity to blame her if the decision was an unwise one.

Nice Guys rarely speak up when something bothers them, and rarely state clearly what it is they want, need and expect. They fear that any kind of conflict might spell the end of the relationship. Instead of comprimising and negotiating, they repeatedly "give in". When she doesn't appreciate their sacrifice, they will complain that, "Everything I did, I did for her.", as if this somehow elevates them to the status of martyrs. A woman doesn't want a martyr. She wants an equal, caring, adult partner.

Nice Guys think that they will never meet anyone as special as she is. They use their adoration as a foundation for claiming that "no one will ever love her as much as I do." Instead of being a profound statement of their devotion, this is a subtle, but nasty insult. It is akin to saying to her: "You are a difficult person, and only *I* can ever truly love you, so be thankful I'm here."

The nice guy -needs- to believe that he is the best person for the object of his desires, because otherwise his insecurities will overrun him with jealousies and fear. The truth of the matter is that there are many people out there who can be a good match for her. We rarely stop loving people we truly care about. Even if we no longer continue the relationship, the feelings will continue... But love isn't mutually exclusive. We can (and do) love many people in our lives, and romantic love is really no different. Though he may love her immensely, there will likely be other people who have loved her just as much in her past, and will love her just as much in the future. The irony of it all is: "Who would want to go out with someone who was inherintly unlovable anyways?"

More than loving the woman in his life, a Nice Guy NEEDS her. "She is my Life, my only source of happiness..." YECH! What kind of a burden is that to place on her? That SHE has to be responsible for YOUR happiness? Get a grip!

Another mistake Nice Guys make is to go after "hard luck" cases. They deliberately pick women with neuroses, problems, and personality disorders, because Nice Guys are "helpers". A Nice Guy thinks that by "helping" this woman, it will make him a better, more lovable person. He thinks it will give him a sense of accomplishment, and that she will appreciate and love him more, for all his efforts and sacrifice. He is usually disappointed by the results.

This ultimately boils down to the fact that Nice Guys don't like themselves. Is it any wonder women don't like them? In order to truly love someone else, you must first love yourself. Too often Nice Guys mistake obsession for "love".

Get this Guys: INSECURITY ISN'T SEXY. IT'S A TURNOFF.

You don't have to be an ego-inflated, arrogant jerk. You just have to LIKE yourself. You have to know what you want out of life, and go after it. Only then will you be attractive to the kind of woman with whom a long-term relationship is possible.

[Michael6084]

sorry its so long

[gartlas]

Wow,I imagine,in one confident blow that u just eliminated the confidence of every person like that on this forum and drove them to suicide,which is why they havent posted.and whats more,its completely true.....

[Junket]

Duh.

The super nice guys are insecure, and it's obvious.

The bad boys are insecure, they just mask it with their fists.

It's all about balance.

There's nothing I've seen on here that would suggest all that many guys here would fit the pussy stereotype.

[gartlas]

In a way that was a kind of backwards compliment frasbee.Or do I come under the not that many category lol

[DoesntMatter]

The bad boys are insecure, they just mask it with their fists.

Nah, the bad boys are secure. Combined with apathy.

Being nice does work, I see nice girls with awesome girls. But they don't kiss ass, are not doormats, and have amazing qualities in other areas. As in, they are not identified as "the nice guy" but "the (insert several very positive adjectives here) guy".

Remember in elementary school when they told you that bullies had low self-esteem? On the contrary they have really high self-esteem. Of course this self-esteem is unfounded, making it hollow. And they say the bullied victims end up ahead in the end, but this isn't true, it's mostly the "bully" since they are the ones with the aggressive and confident qualities that get people ahead.

[Junket]

Nah, the bad boys are secure. Combined with apathy.

On the contrary they have really high self-esteem. Of course this self-esteem is unfounded, making it hollow.

You just argued my statement then backed it up at the same time. It is hollow. In fact, nice guys and bad boys are on such polar opposite sides of the stick that they're practically the same. A person's insecurity will either bog them down, or drive them forward. The egos of bullies and pussies are both extremely fragile. The difference being how they deal protect/nurture those egos.

[miSSleepy]

I've never denied that I don't like 'nice guys', although that's such an ambiguous statement and people define it differently and then get into arguments because of miscommunication.

What about a guy who isn't an insecure pushover, but is decent? Wouldn't that be a nice guy?

But anyway, just because a girl doesn't like a nice guy, doesn't mean she wants an A-hole and a jerk. I've met guys who were so nice that they bored me. Conversations seemed almost scripted and bland, and I can't stand it when I'm treated like glass, when the guy goes out of his way to please me and to be agreeable and 'happy' about everything.

These guys are the politically correct ones, who allegedly hold socially acceptable beliefs. Maybe they actually don't, but it seems to me like they don't know themselves well enough to have genuine beliefs anyway. They avoid verbal confrontation and discussion because they're so preoccupied to keep the piece and/or agree with me, that there's hardly any excitement in the conversation.

I want a guy who will say he disagrees with me if that's the case and give me some challenge in conversation etc. Confidence therefore is important. I want him to hold his ground in social situations and not take the roas of least resistance. I like someoe who's imaginative and crafty.

To me, treating my like glass and placing me on a pedestal is an insult. So is doing everything for me, even carrying heavy objects. If I'm capable of doing something like carrying a heavy object, changing the car oil or fixing the computer, I would want him to let me do it because it shows respect for my abilities. If I can't do something, I will willingly tell him so.

So it's not a case of women don't want nice guys, they want assholes. It's more like women want a decent guy with a backbone.

[Junket]

It's more like women want a decent guy with a backbone.

That's what some of occasional pussies on here need to hear.

And to expand on the above quoted: I think people want a decent, respectable person as a partner.

[CAM]

Duh.

The super nice guys are insecure, and it's obvious.

The bad boys are insecure, they just mask it with their fists.

It's all about balance.

There's nothing I've seen on here that would suggest all that many guys here would fit the pussy stereotype.

One of my "little problems" is that I can't find that balance in life, with women or otherwise.

I'm sort of like the weapons launch command center in a missile silo: that is, I have only two settings: WAR and PEACE.

Therefore, I am either head over heels in love, being totally soft and sweet and romantic. I mean, I give it 100 percent. Usually, that is interpreted as being either insecure or "too nice." Unfortunately, women either run away from that OR they manipulate it...they start getting stupid and think that "he's Mr Nice and he'll just take crap."

At that point, I make a major tack in the other direction and totally out of the blue...I go for the jugular vein, figuratively.

When I get nasty, it is full steam ahead. I can almost watch myself (in slow motion) destroy a personal relationship...burn it to the ground and then dance on the ashes. I have often watched the woman's eyes just stare in disbelief while I go through the entire launch sequence of insults directed at her; yet with a pleasant or matter-of-fact expression on my face, sometimes with cigar and brandy in hand, so as to truly enjoy the experience...usually, by the time I'm done, she is in tears...it happens so quickly and so unexpectedly that it is impossible for her to even get angry. At that point, I just get up, pay the bill, and walk out.

So, my problem isn't "too nice" or "too nasty"...it is just "too extreme"...nothing in the middle ground area.

Anyway, my reaction to the thread's point

Nighty-night.

[CAM]

So, a pussy just cause one is nice to them? Nah. Not necessarily. It could just be over compensation for the beastly nature that exists just below the surface It isn't being a pussy (as someone said earlier) it is just being either fearful of relationships or immature about emotion or perhaps just having an anti-social streak.

[CAM]

Want to get a woman interested? Always be a bit of a mystery. Always be a bit of a surprise. Now, don't take this the wrong way...but women are like puppies in that respect...they like shiny new toys to explore and they like to create situations. Like puppies, if you are too fawning over them, they'll never learn to stop messing on the carpet. And when they step on your toes, you can't be too nice in response...you got to let them know that they did "bad puppy." Women are also like cats...or at least they think that they are like cats. They think that they are somehow totally disconnected and yet totally in control. Ah, cats are all of that....women are not all of that.

So, wanna to win with a woman? Well, be at least strong enough and sure enough to be in control of your emotions. They smell weakness, they're all over that in a minute and you are essentially ****ed (in the bad sense of the word). Always nice to women means that she never knows what she's doing right or wrong with you (because believe me, she is more insecure than you are, particularly early in the dating season). If you are always nice, she's thinking "I've got ugly legs and my nose is crooked...what is wrong with this idiot that he's just so ****ing happy to settle with me?" Don't put her down, but at least don't pretend like she's perfect (she's only perfect when you fall in love with her heart and she falls in love with yours).

She'll get bitchy if you are too nice, just to find out what your limits are...if you are still smiling then she's thinking that you are retarded (her brother's wouldn't take that shit from her, but you would? Huh?).

Anyway, be a normal human with a woman and thinks usually work out for the best.

[naoki322]

"You are a difficult person, and only *I* can ever truly love you, so be thankful I'm here."

hahaha i like this line. good stuff.

[Michael6084]

Duh.

The super nice guys are insecure, and it's obvious.

The bad boys are insecure, they just mask it with their fists.

It's all about balance.

There's nothing I've seen on here that would suggest all that many guys here would fit the pussy stereotype.

while it seems obvious, whoever wrote the article put it best making it sting a lil bit. i could see some "nice" guy coming in here and crying about how "no one truly understands" with all the times ppl trying to be "nice" with the nice guy.

[miSSleepy]

CAM, in one of your posts you claim that you can't find 'that balance in life, with women or otherwise' and then in a later post you seem so sure about what you think you know about women.